Gift giving-you can't win

[Anonymous]

After reading so many posts on the topic of gift giving and posting responses I just dread giving my gifts to the teachers. I am not worried about the teacher responses-they will be gracious. I am more concerned that as soon as I hand over the gift the judgements of the rest of the world start flying. It seems to be a minefield. The other moms seem so down to earth, but I see from reading posts here gift-giving is a minefield. I am afraid to admit to anyone that I got them gift cards and wrote thank you notes. People post on various threads about how those who give too much are buying off teachers and those who give too little are not grateful enough and not feeling enough empathy for our hardworking teachers and how little they earn. I hope I gave just the right amount. Some people seem to think if you give a gift the gift card is the best option. Of course the Visa once cost more and can't be used in full in restaurants and apparently Barnes and Noble or Starbucks cards are big no nos. If I bake or give chocolates then according to some I am just overloading the teacherswith sweets. I get the message-no apple or best teacher gifts or photo frames. Yes, I plan to write a thank you note. Now I am contributing to the class fund as well. Some might think I am "buying love" by giving more to these teachers who have treated my daughter so well. Others would say it is just fine. Perhaps I should sneak in with a mask on so nobody sees me and judges me as I give a gift. I am just a greateful parent trying to do the right thing within my means.

[Anonymous]

I dread it too for about 6 weeks before hand, because I "want" the teachers to know how much I really appreciate them.

But you know what? In the end, I give what I can afford. I put time and thought and care into a thank you note. I express my appreciation throughout the year. And whether or not it's "right" or "enough" or "standard," it doesn't really matter in the end. It's who I am. There will always be those who are more generous and those who are more stingy. We can't be all things to all people.

[Anonymous]

You know another great gift is to write a letter to the principal or superintendent to be placed in the teacher's personnel file and then copy the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dread it too for about 6 weeks before hand, because I "want" the teachers to know how much I really appreciate them.

But you know what? In the end, I give what I can afford. I put time and thought and care into a thank you note. I express my appreciation throughout the year. And whether or not it's "right" or "enough" or "standard," it doesn't really matter in the end. It's who I am. There will always be those who are more generous and those who are more stingy. We can't be all things to all people.

I think I the end this is the most important thing. As a teacher we do not make a ton of money but we knew that going in. I teach because I am good with children and I enjoy teaching them new things. Money is great I can't deny that but I also love the things the children made for me. Even if it's looks crazy it's the thought that counts.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm also a teacher -- please don't stress about this. Don't worry about what other parents here on this forum say. It's a very nice gesture to give your child's teacher a little something at Christmas. It doesn't matter so much what that present is, though.

Ignore what you are hearing from other people, and just have your chlid think a little bit about what his or her teacher might like. You might not always get them the perfect gift, but so what? Teachers are (hopefully) smart and understand that you do not know them personally. Some teachers might LOVE a nice plate of homebaked Christmas cookies and others might not. It truly is the thought that counts. You can't go wrong with a little gift card to a bookstore, and a nice note from your child, if you can't think of anything else. The words of appreciation are what matter.

One year I had a child (a recent immigrant) in my class give me a super-risque nightgown, wrapped in a beautiful box, and given with obvious pride. She had picked it out her very self at the store. It was completly inappropriate as a gift for a teacher, but she thought it was the most beautiful dress, and her parents apparently did too, and you know what? I appreciated that present because the child gave it to me with such obvious love.

There's really no way parents can buy love for their child, certainly not through gift giving at Christmas. Don't worry about it or about how your simple gift is perceived. Just take a step back, and keep this between your child and your child's teacher. It'll all be OK!

[Anonymous]

PP again -- OP you say that a gift card to Barnes and Noble is a big no-no? I don't agree, personally -- I think it is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

My sister gets everything from homemade cookies to fancy gift certificates and she loves each and every gift.

[Anonymous]

OP here-thank you!! Yes, I myself love Barnes and Nobles and Starbucks, but have read posts and heard from other parents at my child's school those are things teachers don't want. Thank you for all the ideas on here. I so relate to the poster who says she dreads it because she wants to let the teachers know she appreciates things and she wants to do things right.

I appreciate the posts from teachers too. It is quite refreshing to see that those who play such an important role in our children's lives have such good values. As I get requests for holiday money from the school and as i talk to people about what is he right thing to do I am starting to wonder if values have gone out the window. You renew my faith!!

[Anonymous]

My DDs high school does not allow teacher gifts. While the pressure is pretty much off by high school anyway I have to admit it is a relief. I wish more schools were explicit about gift policies.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you need to worry a lot less about the other moms think.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my sister has taught in MCPS for a million years and she says a $20 gift card somewhere is always a cool gift in the eyes of a teacher. I've done Target, Barnes & Noble, the mall in the past. I'm giving $50 to the classroom teacher and a token amount to the music, art, PE, bus driver, etc. I pass on Starbucks b/c it's hard to guess if folks like their coffee (or if they drink coffee at all). I can't stand Starbucks --- I much prefer Dunkin Donuts Separate but related question: Does anyone know what kind of gift folks usually give to CCD/Sunday school teachers?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how someone--especially a teacher--could not like a Barnes and Noble gift card. It seems like the one place where everyone could find something they would enjoy. Strange.

[Anonymous]

Sorry - I do the gift cards. If they don't like the place or don't want it, then they have the perfect gift on hand to give to someone else

[Anonymous]

MCPS has a policy - you can only give up to $25 in value per semester per staff member - our school is good about reminding about this - this helps keep things in check

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you're worrying too much. Keep giving what you feel is right - I'm sure the teachers appreciate it. There's such a wide range of what's appropriate in this area (i.e. gift-giving), I think. I do Target gift cards for our caregivers because there's one not too far away and you can buy a lot of useful stuff there, or regift the card.

I am sometimes astonished at what I read on DCUM. There are some very, very nasty people on this site. It would never occur to me to speak to people the way some people apparently do, given the tone of some of the postings. It would never occur to me to say or even think the hateful things people sometimes spout at each other. I find myself hoping that the mean postings come from a very small number of people who spend a LOT of time on here. (and to be fair, if you asked the people I know to describe me, "nice" would not be the first word they chose. I imagine it would be in there somewhere, but I'm not one of those namby-pamby super-sensitive people who never criticizes or judges. I regularly refer to other drivers as "d-bags" when they make me cranky. So I'm not perfect. Just not MEAN.)