RSVP response when your child is not around

[Anonymous]

Received an invite to my sons classmates Bat Mitzvah the last week in August. Synagogue policy is to invite the entire grade. I know the childs name from seeing it on class rosters over the years but other than that, I have no idea who she is. My son is at camp until the week before the event. Other than writing him letters, I have no way of communicating with him.

The mom is emailing me follow ups. I get that she needs a head count. But I really have no idea if my son is friendly with this girl. I've spoken to some other parents in the class and many of us are in a similar situation. I don't know if the other boys are going because they're at camp too and their parents have no idea how to respond.

So, because I'm not able to get a response in a timely manner from my son, do I just RSVP No and be done with it?

[Anonymous]

How rude of you not to have responded by the response date, and still after follow-ups?!

Say no and be done with it. If they were friends, you’d know it. Or call his best friend’s parents to see if they have any insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How rude of you not to have responded by the response date, and still after follow-ups?!

Say no and be done with it. If they were friends, you’d know it. Or call his best friend’s parents to see if they have any insight.

The response date has not passed yet. I just have not responded yet. The mom is following up. My sons best friend is at camp as well. We've already discussed the problem.

[Anonymous]

If he’s not busy just say yes. It doesn’t matter if they’re best friends, he will have a great time with his other friends.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just write your son a letter? Since that is an option, seems the easiest and most obvious thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just write your son a letter? Since that is an option, seems the easiest and most obvious thing to do.

Already done that. In the last 3 weeks, I've received one letter. I don't expect to get a response to my question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s not busy just say yes. It doesn’t matter if they’re best friends, he will have a great time with his other friends.

I'll be honest....it's a crappy date for him. It's the one weekend that he's home after camp but before school starts. Based on previous years, all he'll want to do is sleep in and not be around other kids for a while.

Thank you for letting me talk out ideas....I'll respond No.

[Anonymous]

I am sure the camp can ask him and get an answer back to you. Call the camp. My DC was at overnight camp earlier this month and we found out the results of a travel sports team try out earlier than expected. The team had given us 2 days to take the offer and my DC wasn't going to be back in time to ask in person. So I called the camp and asked them to give my DC news, get the answer and call me back. NBD. They did it for me. I never spoke to my DC, I went through the camp.

You're over thinking and being a bit dramatic. Call the camp, tell them the time sensitive information.

Also how long is your kid in camp that he's there until late August?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just write your son a letter? Since that is an option, seems the easiest and most obvious thing to do.

Already done that. In the last 3 weeks, I've received one letter. I don't expect to get a response to my question.

Then you have your answer. It’s not important to him. If he does not respond to you then the RSVP date, then say no. If he’s upset he has no one to blame but himself.

[Anonymous]

He’s 13. You go to these kinds of events absent a pressing reason not to. I don’t recall having much of a say during Bar/Bat Mitzvah year. We did the rounds every weekend.

He can sleep in all the other days.

[Anonymous]

Well, my son’s camp let us write letters and we got answers. Heck, for a dollar, they would print an email, to which your kid could respond by snail mail.

You can solve this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just write your son a letter? Since that is an option, seems the easiest and most obvious thing to do.

Already done that. In the last 3 weeks, I've received one letter. I don't expect to get a response to my question.

Then you have your answer. It’s not important to him. If he does not respond to you then the RSVP date, then say no. If he’s upset he has no one to blame but himself.

If he is in town, and has no reasonable excuse, friends or not you go to the services of a classmate. If your kid hasn’t been bar mitzvah Ed yet, he should go anyway.

I would rsvp yes. It is the right thing to do. And then you can tell the other moms that your son is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just write your son a letter? Since that is an option, seems the easiest and most obvious thing to do.

Already done that. In the last 3 weeks, I've received one letter. I don't expect to get a response to my question.

Then you have your answer. It’s not important to him. If he does not respond to you then the RSVP date, then say no. If he’s upset he has no one to blame but himself.

If he is in town, and has no reasonable excuse, friends or not you go to the services of a classmate. If your kid hasn’t been bar mitzvah Ed yet, he should go anyway.

I would rsvp yes. It is the right thing to do. And then you can tell the other moms that your son is going.

I mean, your son should probably be going to services that day, anyway. Just rsvp yes. Write a nice check gift, and stop thinking about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s not busy just say yes. It doesn’t matter if they’re best friends, he will have a great time with his other friends.

I'll be honest....it's a crappy date for him. It's the one weekend that he's home after camp but before school starts. Based on previous years, all he'll want to do is sleep in and not be around other kids for a while.

Thank you for letting me talk out ideas....I'll respond No.

I feel bad for the poor kid who got the crappy date.

[Anonymous]

I agree I would call the camp and ask them to pose the question to him.

As someone planning a bar mitzvah at a school with not a lot of Jewish kids but planning to invite the whole grade, your attitude is exactly what I’m worried about for my son. I assumed that kids would be thrilled to go to a big, fun party but maybe I’m wrong. I know I attended every BM I was invited to as a kid unless there was a significant reason.