Am I a busy body helicoptering someone else's kid, or is this a legit concern?

[Anonymous]

My son (rising 8th grader) is attending a 1/2 day camp this week. The camp has kids that range in age from elementary through high school. Bus service is provided and the drop off/pick up point is a local middle school.

So at about 1:15 the bus dropped the kids off, my kid got in my car, various cars left the parking lot...but I noticed one kid go and sit on a bench (right in full sun.) It was HOT, 97 degrees with a heat index of 107. I waited for a few minutes and debated what to do; I was worried about the kid. I'd have liked to offer to let him sit my air conditioned car, but don't want to be creepy and I wouldn't want my own kid getting in a strangers car, so I'm sure his parents don't either. I hoped he had water. I wondered if he had a cell phone to call his parents. I wondered if he was too hot in that full sun and maybe wanted to sit under a tree where there was shade...all these concerns.... I waited in the parking lot about 15 minutes and then sent my son over to talk to him.

My son reported back
-the kid knew his mom was going to be "a little late" to pick him up
-he had a full bottle of water
-my son advised him to try and go in the school (there is some staff working over the summer) if the heat got too unbearable.
-My son doesn't know the kid (it's only the 3rd day of camp and they split into different groups) but thinks he recognizes him from somewhere (sports? church? scouts? could be anywhere) and thinks the kid is about a year younger than my son.

So, knowing that the kid expected his parent to be late, had water, etc. I went ahead and left.
Was I too much of a busy body? It was just so hot out and from where my car was, I couldn't even tell how old the kid looked (like I said, some kids attending are in elementary school) and it just felt wrong to leave a kid sitting out in full sun on this hot day without knowing if everything was ok.

[Anonymous]

He's a kid, not a 97 year old. I am sure he was fine for 10 minutes. I used to play tennis in that weather for hours as a child. Sitting on a bench for 10 minutes is probably doable.

[Anonymous]

I think a healthy 12 yo is fine too be outside

[Anonymous]

I never leave a situation where a kid gets off a bus or it's the end of a practice and looks like somebody doesn't have a ride. I always say, "hey do you need to call somebody" etc.

Usually they say, no my mom/dad/nanny is going to be late. Then I would leave.

Once I showed up at my kids school on a holiday because I needed to drop off something and a kid was sitting there, the mom didn't realize there was no school. We called her.

This is not helicoptering it's common courtesy.

[Anonymous]

I think you did fine to wait and ask and then leave. It was thoughtful of you, but not quite helicopter territory.

[Anonymous]

I think what you did was appropriate. You waited and had your son check on him before you left.

[Anonymous]

I am someone who strongly believes in giving kids independence, and I think what you did was fine! Asking if the kid is okay/if they need help is absolutely not a problem -- I think the accusations of helicoptering come in when another parent refuses to leave/scolds the other parent/follows the kid home if they're heading out on their own/etc.

Thank you for both being kind enough to check in on the other kid and also reasonable enough to head out when he was able to explain he was okay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what you did was appropriate. You waited and had your son check on him before you left.

+1

[Anonymous]

You were not being a busy body at all. You were being a mature adult. I would never leave a kid alone waiting like that without checking in with them.

[Anonymous]

I think it was nice of you to check. I would have been concerned about leaving a child alone as well. I'm surprised that all of the staff left before all of the kids were picked up, but it sounds like there was school staff in the vicinity. However, if the child knows that their Mom was running late, I think a 7th grader is old enough to be left alone.

FWIW, my thoughts on this are colored by the fact that my Mom forgot me once, and I had to wait in a dark, scary place in the rain. This was in the time before cell phones, so I had no way to call. They finally sat down for dinner and realized I wasn't there and came and got me, but it was a frightening experience. It would have been nice if one of the other parents had asked if I was ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was nice of you to check. I would have been concerned about leaving a child alone as well. I'm surprised that all of the staff left before all of the kids were picked up, but it sounds like there was school staff in the vicinity. However, if the child knows that their Mom was running late, I think a 7th grader is old enough to be left alone.

FWIW, my thoughts on this are colored by the fact that my Mom forgot me once, and I had to wait in a dark, scary place in the rain. This was in the time before cell phones, so I had no way to call. They finally sat down for dinner and realized I wasn't there and came and got me, but it was a frightening experience. It would have been nice if one of the other parents had asked if I was ok.

My Aunt left me in a bus station in NY when I was about 10. I had comic books with me and had been reading them quietly. She realized that they left me when they got to the final destination. The good news is I had a lot of comic books and I didn't realize that they were gone. Someone at the terminal did though and kept an eye on me because when my panicked Aunt emerged from the bus looking for me, said stranger told my Aunt I had been fine and just reading.

I think it is good to check on the kid and make sure they are ok. I might have stayed until his parent arrived but it sounds like he was old enough that wasn't necessary. I am a bit surprised that the program did not have a chaperone who rode with the kids and made sure everyone was picked up. My kids camps all require a drivers license be displayed before you can take your kid home. Granted, he is 7 so the rules are going to be a bit different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you did fine to wait and ask and then leave. It was thoughtful of you, but not quite helicopter territory.

I agree. You acted reasonably.

[Anonymous]

Nice of you to ask and stay.

[Anonymous]

Very nice of you to check on him. I do think a member of the staff needs to stay until all kids are picked up.

[Anonymous]

I might have stayed or had the kid call the parent and see if they mined me dropping them off. This was a bus stop so I wouldn't expect staff to stay. I would be more concerned if it was a child under 12. We've had kids ask us to stay after our team practice when parents were late and they were worried but these are younger elementary school kids.