How to find happiness in a terrible marriage

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[Post New]07/15/2019 16:17
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Anonymous
In what ways do you find happiness in your life even if your marriage sucks?
[Post New]07/15/2019 16:18
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Anonymous
Why are you staying?
[Post New]07/15/2019 16:34
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Anonymous
First look to see if the problem is an inside one. Meaning are you intrinsically unhappy. Care for yourself and then see if it’s your marriage or you. Does tending to your own growth improve the situation or is it truly untenable?
[Post New]07/15/2019 16:47
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Anonymous
Yes if it's you, you'll continue to be miserable single or married. If you're stuck because of kids and finances then separate yourself. Have hobbies, friends, and enjoy your family. Think of your spouse as a roommate. Many people can be happy this way. Probably half of the women I know are in these marriages for one reason or another.
[Post New]07/15/2019 16:55
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Anonymous
Make peace with it and seek happiness in hobbies and friendships and volunteering and enjoying your children.
[Post New]07/15/2019 21:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yes if it's you, you'll continue to be miserable single or married. If you're stuck because of kids and finances then separate yourself. Have hobbies, friends, and enjoy your family. Think of your spouse as a roommate. Many people can be happy this way. Probably half of the women I know are in these marriages for one reason or another.


I never new this was that prevalent. Do these women complain about their marriages? Or do they just say light kind things about it.
[Post New]07/15/2019 22:02
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Yes if it's you, you'll continue to be miserable single or married. If you're stuck because of kids and finances then separate yourself. Have hobbies, friends, and enjoy your family. Think of your spouse as a roommate. Many people can be happy this way. Probably half of the women I know are in these marriages for one reason or another.


As room mates, there can be no expectation of sexual fidelity. These are DADT marriages.
[Post New]07/16/2019 02:53
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Anonymous
What does DADT mean?
[Post New]07/16/2019 04:39
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What does DADT mean?


don't ask don't tell
[Post New]07/16/2019 09:23
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Anonymous
I don’t think you can be “happy” in a “bad” marriage, but those are specific terms to me. You could possibly be happy in a so-so marriage, occupying yourself with your children and hobbies as the other pp says. You could be serene in a bad marriage, just learning to let go of your expectations and be at peace.

The most reasonable action would be to improve your marriage.
[Post New]07/16/2019 10:16
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Anonymous
You do what I did - just start to live a completely separate life. I did it for 10 years, but I realized that my kids really suffered. I finally left. So happy. After 19 years in a terrible marriage, I met a wonderful person and actually got married on Saturday.

I felf perfectly content in my past marriage, but realized, that I was becoming a completely different person. I had just suppressed all emotions. No good for me, no good for my kids.
[Post New]07/16/2019 10:26
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You do what I did - just start to live a completely separate life. I did it for 10 years, but I realized that my kids really suffered. I finally left. So happy. After 19 years in a terrible marriage, I met a wonderful person and actually got married on Saturday.

I felf perfectly content in my past marriage, but realized, that I was becoming a completely different person. I had just suppressed all emotions. No good for me, no good for my kids.


Did your kids hate you for it? Did DH try to be the good guy?
[Post New]07/16/2019 10:32
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Make peace with it and seek happiness in hobbies and friendships and volunteering and enjoying your children.


+1. And this made my marriage better, too. My husband is an unhappy person, but I'm cheerful when I'm not letting him bring me down. Our interactions are better when at least one of us is in a good mood.
[Post New]07/16/2019 11:13
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make peace with it and seek happiness in hobbies and friendships and volunteering and enjoying your children.


+1. And this made my marriage better, too. My husband is an unhappy person, but I'm cheerful when I'm not letting him bring me down. Our interactions are better when at least one of us is in a good mood.


+1

I agree with this, PP. It is difficult to live with someone who had a tumultuous family life growing up, and refuses to address it. I am not a therapist, and I know how to be happy (even if DH's family does not) - so I limit exposure to them, and do my own thing. Works wonders for the soul.
[Post New]07/16/2019 21:44
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Anonymous
Limit exposure to your husband while running a household of kids and lives and the house? Do tell -- how?
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