How to find happiness in a terrible marriage

[Anonymous]

ONLY in and through yourself can you be at peace in a terrible situation. It’s how people who have seen strife and turmoil still smile.. Live without expectation from others - only expectation from yourself to find peace and joy independently. Easy to say, and difficult for most to do, but it works.

[Anonymous]

If it is toxic or routine verbal abuse, you leave.

[Anonymous]

Basically I find joy everywhere else but the marriage. The kids are fantastic. I rediscovered hobbies and found new ones. It is hard since I do work and do so much at home, but I found a way just to give up completely on expecting DH to do more. I can't poison myself with resentment about it. It's not fair and he's not the partner I wish I had.

I just have to be that partner to myself, basically.

The biggest challenge is that in "getting out there" and finding my own happiness, I turn down opportunities for affairs. There are people who have shown interest in me I wish I could return. But so far I have not gone down that path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically I find joy everywhere else but the marriage. The kids are fantastic. I rediscovered hobbies and found new ones. It is hard since I do work and do so much at home, but I found a way just to give up completely on expecting DH to do more. I can't poison myself with resentment about it. It's not fair and he's not the partner I wish I had.

I just have to be that partner to myself, basically.

The biggest challenge is that in "getting out there" and finding my own happiness, I turn down opportunities for affairs. There are people who have shown interest in me I wish I could return. But so far I have not gone down that path.

What keeps you from going that way? Don’t you crave affection and love? A connection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Basically I find joy everywhere else but the marriage. The kids are fantastic. I rediscovered hobbies and found new ones. It is hard since I do work and do so much at home, but I found a way just to give up completely on expecting DH to do more. I can't poison myself with resentment about it. It's not fair and he's not the partner I wish I had.

I just have to be that partner to myself, basically.

The biggest challenge is that in "getting out there" and finding my own happiness, I turn down opportunities for affairs. There are people who have shown interest in me I wish I could return. But so far I have not gone down that path.

What keeps you from going that way? Don’t you crave affection and love? A connection?

Where do you meet these people who show interest?

[Anonymous]

I stopped wearing my rings. No affairs. Just don't care about him, as he doesn't care about me, the kids or the house. He is truly incapable of caring about anything or anyone other than himself. So why should he get credit for buying a sparkly ring, symbol of what a loser he is when not in "public."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Basically I find joy everywhere else but the marriage. The kids are fantastic. I rediscovered hobbies and found new ones. It is hard since I do work and do so much at home, but I found a way just to give up completely on expecting DH to do more. I can't poison myself with resentment about it. It's not fair and he's not the partner I wish I had.

I just have to be that partner to myself, basically.

The biggest challenge is that in "getting out there" and finding my own happiness, I turn down opportunities for affairs. There are people who have shown interest in me I wish I could return. But so far I have not gone down that path.

What keeps you from going that way? Don’t you crave affection and love? A connection?

Where do you meet these people who show interest?

For me it was just utter wariness of another needy, ManChild who acts one way for a few dates and then is totally undependable and unreliable. Why bother.
So much to do in this world and with real friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Basically I find joy everywhere else but the marriage. The kids are fantastic. I rediscovered hobbies and found new ones. It is hard since I do work and do so much at home, but I found a way just to give up completely on expecting DH to do more. I can't poison myself with resentment about it. It's not fair and he's not the partner I wish I had.

I just have to be that partner to myself, basically.

The biggest challenge is that in "getting out there" and finding my own happiness, I turn down opportunities for affairs. There are people who have shown interest in me I wish I could return. But so far I have not gone down that path.

What keeps you from going that way? Don’t you crave affection and love? A connection?

Where do you meet these people who show interest?

NP. Not PP, but they’re everywhere. I’m a single mother, divorced by choice, but even when I was married there were always of handful of indescrwtuons tbat were acknowledged amongst the group. Everyone respected their differences. Happiness isn’t found outside of yourself. It’s somebing that you share as you grow. It’s a public service of universal radiance.

All types of people are interested. But true love rehires steadfasted commitment, trustworthiness, charity, humility, joy, patience, kindness, long suffering, affectionate, or boastful or proud, and ever lasting. Love never fails,

Being in a soulless relationship without affection and love is a form of emotional abandonment. And if it is its given and taken away as a power source to control someone, then why would God allow free will? If you don’t have the capacity to walk in wisdom, keep it from me. I’m good.

All types of people are everywhere.

Neighbors, Relatives, Acquaintances, Institutions, loves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped wearing my rings. No affairs. Just don't care about him, as he doesn't care about me, the kids or the house. He is truly incapable of caring about anything or anyone other than himself. So why should he get credit for buying a sparkly ring, symbol of what a loser he is when not in "public."

I can totally see this. A lot of these guys seem to want the credit - put on a good face in public or with other people around - but hell to live with. I didn't cause his childhood trauma, and it gets old being a scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stopped wearing my rings. No affairs. Just don't care about him, as he doesn't care about me, the kids or the house. He is truly incapable of caring about anything or anyone other than himself. So why should he get credit for buying a sparkly ring, symbol of what a loser he is when not in "public."

I can totally see this. A lot of these guys seem to want the credit - put on a good face in public or with other people around - but hell to live with. I didn't cause his childhood trauma, and it gets old being a scapegoat.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Well you all are the losers for staying in these hellish marriages. I got divorced and am totally happy. Kids are good. Ex spouse not so bad.