“I pushed him back” - talking about self defense

[Anonymous]

Not sure what I should have said to DD - age 4.

“Larlo pushed me and pushed my friends...”
“What did you do?”
“I pushed him back - hard!”

On one hand I am like “you go girl!” On the other hand, I’m sure there is a more appropriate pre-school response. I mean “go tell a grownup” in reality isn’t the most effective response. Then you never learn to stand up. I did talk about “this is my body and I said no.”

How do you talk about self defense vs aggressive behavior?

[Anonymous]

Meh, at that age I’d let that go. She defended herself, she wasn’t the aggressor. I think it’s okay to teach little people, especially girls, to defend themselves.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't correct this. MAYYYYYBE I'd say "Don't forget to say "Hey, stop pushing me!" while you're pushing him back."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what I should have said to DD - age 4.

“Larlo pushed me and pushed my friends...”
“What did you do?”
“I pushed him back - hard!”

On one hand I am like “you go girl!” On the other hand, I’m sure there is a more appropriate pre-school response. I mean “go tell a grownup” in reality isn’t the most effective response. Then you never learn to stand up. I did talk about “this is my body and I said no.”

How do you talk about self defense vs aggressive behavior?

We had always taught DS the "go talk to an adult' "tell them no and remove yourself from the situation". Which served him just fine until 2 incidents.

1. He was 6 and on the bus another 6 year old punched him in the eye and gave him a black eye. He was worried about moving away because the bus was in motion and it was against the rules to move. Kid then punched him again in the stomach before the bus stopped and DS could tell the bus driver. DH and many of my mom friends said we should tell DS to punch back if it happened again. Thankfully the kid was removed

2. Another time DS was 6 and 2 kids were messing with him at a sports practice. He did everything we told him to do (told the coach, removed himself from the situation several times). It continued quietly and DS even got spoken to by the coach about staying in his spot and not moving around. DS finally just pushed the kid away. I spoke to the coach about the situation and then bought DS an ice cream as a reward.

[Anonymous]

I’d let this go.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. It's good that he's defending himself. It may serve him well in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, at that age I’d let that go. She defended herself, she wasn’t the aggressor. I think it’s okay to teach little people, especially girls, to defend themselves.

+1

Though, I tend to let this stuff go at older ages, especially with DD. I want her to know that she can defend herself and that I will back her for doing so.

[Anonymous]

Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.

Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.

[Anonymous]

While I absolutely condone "pushing back" as a means of standing up for yourself, just so you know; if something like this happens in a public school setting in the older years (middle school+) they will BOTH get in trouble for fighting. And if your daughter happens to be stronger/pushes harder and actually injures the other kid, she will be the one to get in WAY more trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.

Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.

I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.

Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.

Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.

I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.

Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.

There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.

Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.

I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.

Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.

There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.

I am not encouraging pushing, but I'm also not encouraging my son to get his ass whooped. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.

Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.

I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.

Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.

There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.

I am not encouraging pushing, but I'm also not encouraging my son to get his ass whooped. Get real.

+1 As someone who was bullied as a (female) child, I can attest to the fact that defending yourself is the best way to get the bullies to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pushing back is not self defense; it is an after the fact independent act of aggression.

Giving a stiff arm to someone coming at you is self-defense.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have boys.

I told my son that he is NEVER allowed to hit first, but he is ABSOLUTELY allowed to defend himself. That means if someone pushes him, he is allowed to push them back.

Telling the adults in his school is a complete waste of time. The aggressive kids know it too and keep intimidating kids like my son.

Oh brother. I really hope you don't have kids.

There's no reason to condone or encourage pushing at 4, for self-defense or otherwise.

No reason? It's not that simple. Kids do need to learn how to stand up for themselves and show that they won't take BS because schools are not equipped to protect every child every second.

-Teacher

[Anonymous]

I taught my kids the three strikes rule. First time, you strongly tell the person to stop. Second time, you tell the teacher, including that you have already asked them to stop. Third time - handle it, and I’ll handle the fall out.