Would a quiet kid do better in private?

[Anonymous]

I have one son who is really quiet. He gets good grades in FCPS’s AAP (advanced academic program). I can’t help but think he is just getting lost in the public school system. He doesn’t get into any trouble and just flies under the radar.

He has attended several private school camps over the years and the counselors seem to really make an effort to get to know my kid and all his strengths. Last week, the counselors were telling me how amazing and creative my quiet kid was. In public, I don’t think anyone notices or cares.

We can afford private school easily for one kid. We have 3 kids though. We can afford it but it would slow down our retirement savings.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t it be hard to make new friends if he is quiet? I found that private school teachers were better at stroking my ego about y kid, but that doesn’t meant the public ones didn’t see his strengths. They just didn’t feel the need to tell me good things I always knew.

[Anonymous]

Is he unhappy? I'm not sure I have a clear picture of what you perceive the problem to be.

[Anonymous]

This is why I went to private. Figured it will be more difficult to hide behind classmates and avoid participation in a smaller size class. It takes dc every year some time to warm up and start participating and it helps that teachers have more opportunity to call on them, more opportunists to make presentations and to speak in front of class. I figured if they get used to it from childhood it would be easier when they grow up - form a habit of speaking up.

I was quiet too in a class of about 35 students and I could count on my fingers the number of times I raised my hand to answer over my 12 year of schooling. I coasted through school, had great grades, but it is now when I started working that I had to break the habit of coasting through meetings same way I coasted through school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I went to private. Figured it will be more difficult to hide behind classmates and avoid participation in a smaller size class. It takes dc every year some time to warm up and start participating and it helps that teachers have more opportunity to call on them, more opportunists to make presentations and to speak in front of class. I figured if they get used to it from childhood it would be easier when they grow up - form a habit of speaking up.

I was quiet too in a class of about 35 students and I could count on my fingers the number of times I raised my hand to answer over my 12 year of schooling. I coasted through school, had great grades, but it is now when I started working that I had to break the habit of coasting through meetings same way I coasted through school.

That should be: This is why I sent DC to private ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he unhappy? I'm not sure I have a clear picture of what you perceive the problem to be.

He doesn’t seem unhappy. He likes to read, do art and play with legos. He plays soccer and tennis. He declines play dates.

On the other hand, my middle child is a social butterfly. Tons of play dates, birthday party invitations and talking/laughing with teammates and classmates.

DH thinks they are both fine, just different. He actually said he thinks teacher does know my child, just doesn’t talk to parents about him. In FCPS, we don’t even have a parent teacher conference unless you have issues and concerns. Report card has 3 sentences basically outlining what student are learning in class.

[Anonymous]

Since the only problem you seem to have with the private school quality program the taxpayers are giving you is that public school teachers aren’t obsequious enough, constantly validating your beliefs about your snowflake, private school is just the thing. As a private school parent I promise they’re very good at that.

[Anonymous]

If your son is happy where he is, I'm not sure I'd make a change. My DD was overwhelmed in public, and getting lost in the shuffle. This was causing anxiety and she was spending most of her time just coping with the environment.

Changing to private was amazing for her. The smaller classes were less chaotic. The smaller school was less chaotic. The teachers did focus in on individual kids. She could not hide in the background. Her teachers definitely know her. It's not that her public school teachers didn't, it's that in a large school, with a lot of kids, a kid who seems to be doing ok isn't necessarily going to catch someone's eye.

But there's also nothing wrong with being the quiet kid. And I'd be hesitant to shell out tuition money if I was just hoping someone would tell me my kid's a great artist. That tuition money could be spent on camps or experiences that were more tailored to my child, to make sure he had opportunities to grow outside his shell. As someone who's paying that tuition money, my standard recommendation is to stay in public if it's working for you. You may like some aspects of private better, but it's unlikely you will like them 40K/yr better. 40K is a lot of money that can go to things tailored for your family.

[Anonymous]

Here’s my observation. Your quiet kid might be known better in a private with a good ratio but so many of the kids in private have huge personalities and he may be lost again. I thought my kid was boisterous, talkative and very much ‘out there’ (and it was always remarked on, but at her K-8 she’s known as the quiet girl-and she’s still not quiet!!! So many of the private school kids are only children to older parents (in her class of half are onlies.) Mine is the youngest of 3 but we happened to move and private was best for her while public option best for the olders. The smaller class sizes are nice but it also limits your son in finding like-minded friends.

[Anonymous]

We are a family of calm introverts and prefer to spend our money on extra-curriculars and travel rather than private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We are a family of calm introverts and prefer to spend our money on extra-curriculars and travel rather than private school.

Op here. So my child’s weakness is writing. He isn’t horrible but not great. He still gets 4s in language arts. My friends’ kids get extra help at their private schools in their weak subjects.

DH suggested we just get a writing tutor. DH obviously doesn’t want to end up paying $40k per kid x 3.

[Anonymous]

I was a very quiet/shy/introverted kid in a small private school and the teachers definitely gave all their attention to the outgoing and friendly kids.

My daughter is also very shy and quiet and even though we can easily afford private school, we chose to put her in Fcps. Interestingly, in 3rd grade her language arts teacher approached me about referring my daughter to AAP. So despite being quiet, the teacher still noticed her in a class of 25 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We are a family of calm introverts and prefer to spend our money on extra-curriculars and travel rather than private school.

Op here. So my child’s weakness is writing. He isn’t horrible but not great. He still gets 4s in language arts. My friends’ kids get extra help at their private schools in their weak subjects.

DH suggested we just get a writing tutor. DH obviously doesn’t want to end up paying $40k per kid x 3.

PP you replied to. We pay $90/hr for an excellent writing tutor (AP English teacher) for my rising 9th grader. My son has low processing speed and ADHD, and his writing issues are a consequence of his issues.
Your husband is right, customizing a child’s education is cheaper in the long run, and often better in terms of quality, if you get the right tutors.

[Anonymous]

I kept my quiet boy in a small private school. He definitely gets lots of attention. I am sure he wouldn't be pushed to participate as much in a public school with bigger class size. He would have been only too happy to coast. He is an excellent student and I think he would be in public school as well. But I do think the smaller environment allowed him to build up his confidence in a more gentle way.

[Anonymous]

Counterpoint: Eventually one has to transition to the bigger world, whether for university or work. It’s much more intimidating having come from a small private school.

Private schools can be very small, socially. It’s hard for some quiet kids to find a niche. Classes don’t turn over very frequently either, so it’s easy to get “stuck” in a rut with a class that’s a bad match for a particular kid, especially since there are usually only 15-36 children of the same gender and little social mixing between grades.

— a private school grad