Would a quiet kid do better in private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he unhappy? I'm not sure I have a clear picture of what you perceive the problem to be.

He doesn’t seem unhappy. He likes to read, do art and play with legos. He plays soccer and tennis. He declines play dates.

On the other hand, my middle child is a social butterfly. Tons of play dates, birthday party invitations and talking/laughing with teammates and classmates.

DH thinks they are both fine, just different. He actually said he thinks teacher does know my child, just doesn’t talk to parents about him. In FCPS, we don’t even have a parent teacher conference unless you have issues and concerns. Report card has 3 sentences basically outlining what student are learning in class.

Again, you haven't said anything that indicates your son is having a problem. But, maybe you could schedule one of those teacher conferences after the first reporting period next year and ask the teacher about your social concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my observation. Your quiet kid might be known better in a private with a good ratio but so many of the kids in private have huge personalities and he may be lost again. I thought my kid was boisterous, talkative and very much ‘out there’ (and it was always remarked on, but at her K-8 she’s known as the quiet girl-and she’s still not quiet!!! So many of the private school kids are only children to older parents (in her class of half are onlies.) Mine is the youngest of 3 but we happened to move and private was best for her while public option best for the olders. The smaller class sizes are nice but it also limits your son in finding like-minded friends.

We have had the same experience in a top private. There are tons of outgoing, larger-than-life kids. Basically the type A kids of type A parents. (This is not a judgement call--this describes our other kid quite well.) However, our quiet, introverted kid is even MORE lost in the shuffle at this school. We're currently talking about what to do as next year would be a good transition point to go back to public or elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he unhappy? I'm not sure I have a clear picture of what you perceive the problem to be.

He doesn’t seem unhappy. He likes to read, do art and play with legos. He plays soccer and tennis. He declines play dates.

On the other hand, my middle child is a social butterfly. Tons of play dates, birthday party invitations and talking/laughing with teammates and classmates.

DH thinks they are both fine, just different. He actually said he thinks teacher does know my child, just doesn’t talk to parents about him. In FCPS, we don’t even have a parent teacher conference unless you have issues and concerns. Report card has 3 sentences basically outlining what student are learning in class.

If he's not unhappy and he's engaged in his academics and extracurriculats, why would you move him?

Some kids, just like some adults, are just introverted and decline social outings because they need time to recharge. That isn't bad. Chances are, if he's at a private, he would still be an introvert because that's who he is.

[Anonymous]

That is why I send my daughter to private school. I have lots of contacts in our public school system and discussed this with them. They said my hunch was true. A very introverted kid won’t get much attention in a big classroom. Teachers can only do so much.

Plus, in my particular city, the school system is pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

I was an introverted kid and flourished in private school. I went to Catholic school K-8 and did just fine. The classes were as large as public school classes, but there were only about 50 kids in our grade so I knew everything and felt like everyone knew me. I went to an independent school for high school where classes were small (8-20 kids) and felt more comfortable participating in that type of environment. I never would have tried out for the lead in the play (and gotten the role!) in a large school, where I would have been overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the reasons we decided to send our son to private for middle school. Quiet kid, gets good grades. He commented to me that he doesn't think his teachers know him because they never say anything, good or bad, to him. He's totally fine flying under the radar, but I want him to feel known, to feel like he's contributing in a meaningful way, to be forced to leave his comfort zone.

This is not the only reason we are sending him, but I see it as a benefit for sure. And I think it's important to give your kids what they need, which may not be the same thing for each. Our second child is staying in public for now because public can give him what he needs and paying for both at the same time would be a hardship for our family.

[Anonymous]

With 3 kids, in less you can send them all or there is special need, no, as that's unfair to the other kids.