Please tell me how your borderline 16 year old became a healthier 17, 18, 19 year old

[Anonymous]

I remember previous threads about this. Could someone link?

My 16 year old is self-harming, has spent a week in a psych ward a year ago after a suicide attempt, has a seemingly nice boyfriend of 6 months with whom she has sex, on the birth control pill (to regulate her periods).

Currently, we are on family vacation, half way through, and she has mostly holed up in her bedroom while the rest of us do activities. We invite her, she says no. She self harmed once in a big way this trip. Sometimes she is nice, sometimes she tells me she F-ing hates me. She texts the boyfriend constantly, but I feel hostage to her self harming so have not taken away the phone.

It is what it is. Maybe she won’t ever get better. But if your kid got better, I would so love to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Is she in any kind of therapy? Are you?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I don't have a similar story of anything so extreme, but I will say that both my niece and the girl I mentor were monosyllabic and constantly on their phones in high school, never wanting to interact with adults for any length of time. In both cases, they came home from their first year of college cheerful and chatty and confident.

I hope your daughter is also able to grow a bit and as a PP said, I would think therapy for yourself and your daughter would be very helpful to have!

[Anonymous]

Of course, she is in weekly therapy, plus every two months she sees her psychiatrist. Her medical bills have allowed us to already hit the $4000 deductible for this year ( her individual). That was self harm stuff. The therapy is $150 cash per week with no insurance coverage because the truly excellent therapist, while worth every penny, does not take insurance. I work 40 hours or more a week as does my husband, and we have other-happier! -kids. I do not have money or time for therapy. It is the first “want” I will fulfill once we can move beyond complete life or death needs. I am pretty sad.

[Anonymous]

Residential treatment. It changed everything. Therapy and psychiatry didn't help. Inpatient didn't help. Partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient didn't help.

[Anonymous]

Where was residential? What were the admission requirements? How was your kid after residential? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where was residential? What were the admission requirements? How was your kid after residential? Thanks.

Elk River Treatment Program in Alabama. I don't know what you mean by admission requirements. My kid has been great since he completed the program. It's been awhile.

[Anonymous]

We switched schools and that made all the difference in the world. DD was being bullied in a punative parochial school. We moved her to a nurturing private and she took off. Now going for top honors at her college. Get her out of any negative environments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, she is in weekly therapy, plus every two months she sees her psychiatrist. Her medical bills have allowed us to already hit the $4000 deductible for this year ( her individual). That was self harm stuff. The therapy is $150 cash per week with no insurance coverage because the truly excellent therapist, while worth every penny, does not take insurance. I work 40 hours or more a week as does my husband, and we have other-happier! -kids. I do not have money or time for therapy. It is the first “want” I will fulfill once we can move beyond complete life or death needs. I am pretty sad.

Hugs OP. xx

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation OP. Sending hugs. I do think the "holing up in the bedroom" part is somewhat normal for some teens, so I wouldn't worry about that too much, but focus on the self-harm or other behaviors that are more concerning. It does suck.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, responders. I’ve sometimes been the person who posted to someone else’s cry for help, and wondered if my short note helped. I can tell you, it helped me in this thread. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where was residential? What were the admission requirements? How was your kid after residential? Thanks.

Elk River Treatment Program in Alabama. I don't know what you mean by admission requirements. My kid has been great since he completed the program. It's been awhile.

What were his issues? I have just read so much about abusive treatment facilities...

[Anonymous]

Sending good wishes to you, OP. It’s so hard to watch your child suffer despite all your efforts. I hope things improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where was residential? What were the admission requirements? How was your kid after residential? Thanks.

Elk River Treatment Program in Alabama. I don't know what you mean by admission requirements. My kid has been great since he completed the program. It's been awhile.

What were his issues? I have just read so much about abusive treatment facilities...

Same as your daughters - self harm, suicide attempts, isolation, depression, mania. Also some violence towards family. Some theft from family. Some school refusal. Anxiety. Not substance abuse.

Here’s the thing to know about programs. Often reviews come from the former residents themselves. Some programs, Elk River included, are very difficult. Kids struggle with getting to the root of what’s driving the behaviors. It’s hard work. Plus, if you choose something like Elk River, which is an outdoor setting, the lifestyle itself is hard. Following the rules is hard. But the programs work.

Many and probably most programs are accredited and are licensed. That means they are subject to oversight and inspections and the staff are mandatory reporters. So unless you read about a specific program from a reputable source, what you’ve read is probably irrelevant.

I’ve posted before when things were really tough for our family and I appreciated every single note of support. It’s a tough road.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for this news. Is the diagnosis BPD or depression or both? I heard a news story about a new drug for treatment resistant depression that has been life-changing for some people. I don't know if it's approved for teen use or not. If meds are not a part of your treatment with the therapy, I encourage you to keep trying things.