Please tell me how your borderline 16 year old became a healthier 17, 18, 19 year old

[Anonymous]

11 days in inova fairfax juvenile psych ward
kellar center iop program
in step PC dialectical behavioral program for teens

[Anonymous]

Yes, meds are a part of her treatment. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

How much did the Kellar IOP program cost?

[Anonymous]

For my DD, change has come slowly and fitfully. She's been in treatment of one kind or another--including a residential program--for 4+ years, from 8th grade on. She's 18 now. When I commit to comparing what she was like 2 years ago to now, I see real positive growth and changes: the episodes of borderline behavior are shorter and more contained than they were back then, she shows more understanding that those behaviors lead to intervention, and she is willing to attend both individual and family therapy. It's not all roses and sunshine, though. When she feels especially anxious and insecure, the self-harm behavior comes back. And while she understands that she is especially triggered by fear of abandonment, in the moment, she still has trouble accessing skills to cope with those feelings. Healthier, yes. Healthy and functional, full stop--she's not there yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We switched schools and that made all the difference in the world. DD was being bullied in a punative parochial school. We moved her to a nurturing private and she took off. Now going for top honors at her college. Get her out of any negative environments.

Doesn't sound like your child was BPD. This severe mental health issue not resolved by switching schools. BPD a lifetime struggles with a high suicide rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar situation OP. Sending hugs. I do think the "holing up in the bedroom" part is somewhat normal for some teens, so I wouldn't worry about that too much, but focus on the self-harm or other behaviors that are more concerning. It does suck.

I 100% agree with this.

The big different is yiu can "force" a healthy child out of their room and to interact. You cannot "force" a BPD child to interact. That will result in a massive explosion.

But yes, the isolation is normal at that age and the eye rolling and general annoyance of the mere presence of siblings and parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We switched schools and that made all the difference in the world. DD was being bullied in a punative parochial school. We moved her to a nurturing private and she took off. Now going for top honors at her college. Get her out of any negative environments.

We have the same experience. Took our kid out of punitive public school and put her in a nurturing private.
She's finally getting some footing and has decided by herself to stop self-harm.

[Anonymous]

I would seriously consider whether there's something else going on like ADHD, bipolar disorder (meds are different than plain depression), or trauma. ADHD in girls is often missed and impulsivity could be a factor in the self harm. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP I would give you a hug if I could. My DD has had some anxiety issues -- panic attacks, PTSD. She's mostly better now, but it was the longest, hardest, saddest time I've ever dealt with. I certainly had PTSD myself during that period. And I spent a lot of time crying.

We were lucky that therapy + meds helped her, though she still has some lingering anxiety and panics about things.

If you have friends you can share with who can encourage you that's helpful. But I know a lot of this stuff is so private. I'll pray for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would seriously consider whether there's something else going on like ADHD, bipolar disorder (meds are different than plain depression), or trauma. ADHD in girls is often missed and impulsivity could be a factor in the self harm. Hang in there.

Um, borderline is not even close to ADHD.

I swear you people use any excuse to expel the ADHD armchair diagnosis direct out of your ignorant asses.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to the kind posters (OP here). She may well have ADD as I do. The impulsivity can give rise to situations which cause trauma. I know Anxiety and Depression are both mixed in there. Bipolar has been considered. It is indeed hard to tease out all the issues and get help for them, but that’s why I have a therapist (very well educated) and psychiatrist on this team.

And to the poster who expressed frustration at the suggestion of ADHD, I think that was a worthwhile suggestion, and a misunderstood subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would seriously consider whether there's something else going on like ADHD, bipolar disorder (meds are different than plain depression), or trauma. ADHD in girls is often missed and impulsivity could be a factor in the self harm. Hang in there.

Um, borderline is not even close to ADHD.

I swear you people use any excuse to expel the ADHD armchair diagnosis direct out of your ignorant asses.

Actually, they can be related. I am the perfect example. Suffered from a multitude of issues since I was a pre-teen, had many different medical professionals over 30 years try to figure out the problem/s. Two years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline and ADHD and my life completely turned around! Recently my medical support team and I realized that severe anxiety from being unable to cope with ADHD symptoms made the Borderline worse. It was a vicious circle that literally brought me to homelessness twice.

Now my daughter is exhibiting the exact same symptoms at the exact same age. Thankfully medicine has improved dramatically since I was a child, so she’s
got DBT group therapy as well as a psychiatrist, individual and family therapists. She’s been tested (finally! Hard when low income!) for ADHD and her psychiatrist is sure she has it. Says so many girls hide it so well and therefore are very under diagnosed.

You get to believe whatever you want, but I know precisely how much I suffered emotionally, intellectually and professionally from undiagnosed ADHD. And everyone who knows me saw dramatic changes almost overnight when I started taking meds. Getting away from traditional cognitive therapy was a god-send and DBT literally saved my life. Now I sit here, watching my daughter struggle with exactly the same problem. Many doctors and teachers mocked me, but IDGAF. I know this subject and my family far better than anyone.

BTW, before making grandiose statements, maybe just Google (!) Borderline comorbidity with ADHD. A multitude of research will hopefully point out that your statement is scientifically untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember previous threads about this. Could someone link?

My 16 year old is self-harming, has spent a week in a psych ward a year ago after a suicide attempt, has a seemingly nice boyfriend of 6 months with whom she has sex, on the birth control pill (to regulate her periods).

Currently, we are on family vacation, half way through, and she has mostly holed up in her bedroom while the rest of us do activities. We invite her, she says no. She self harmed once in a big way this trip. Sometimes she is nice, sometimes she tells me she F-ing hates me. She texts the boyfriend constantly, but I feel hostage to her self harming so have not taken away the phone.

It is what it is. Maybe she won’t ever get better. But if your kid got better, I would so love to hear it.

No 16 year old can be diagnosed with Borderline. The adolescent brain is still forming. I've had this conversation with several times with psychiatrists about my own child, who is in a hospitalization program now.

Meds have helped, although the doctors think it's anxiety and depression (since they refuse to diagnose Borderline in an adolescent).

So, consider that...

[Anonymous]

Usually borderline is connected to some form of trauma. I would explore that more. You said she has a fear of abandonment, which sounds like some kind of trauma happened. It might be something you think she should be able to move past, like divorce or a death, but for some reason she is stuck. She’s got to deal with whatever that is.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn’t say she has a fear of abandonment.
She did have trauma, in the year before she tried to kill herself, and this is being addressed in therapy.

Also, I know clinicians don’t like to diagnose adolescents as borderline. I guess I should say my daughter’s behavior matches the borderline profile.