Why do teens become surly and grumpy?

[Anonymous]

DD went through when she turned 13-14 and has developed full on teen attitude at 15. She has always been high maintenance and had anxiety so I assumed it was just her and try to be supportive. Now DS is 12 turning 13 and developing the same grumpy attitude. He has always been happy go lucky and never rude. All of a sudden he is making rude remarks. He is super grouchy around growth spurts.

Does anyone know the actual biological reason for this? Is it blood sugar or sleep issues surrounding hormones and growth?

[Anonymous]

I think it's a weaning process. Imagine hunter-gatherer societies or even pre-industrial agricultural societies. The kids leave the nest at this age. They want to get out, and you want them out. They are already hunting, gathering, marrying or apprenticing. They are adults in the eyes of all.

But our society has changed so much, that there is no way to really thrive if you are leave your parents' house at 13-15.

[Anonymous]

Parenting

[Anonymous]

My DS is 14 and he started acting grumpy this time last year. Part of it is he is hungry and tired a lot kind of like when he was a toddler. I've found if I make sure he has enough to eat and he sleeps as much as he wants, he is in a much better mood. He grew 4 inches in the last year and the doctor said sleep and food take priority. He came home from camp yesterday and fell asleep around 7pm. When I woke him up this morning at 9am, he was in a great mood.

[Anonymous]

My DS is 14 and he started acting grumpy this time last year. Part of it is he is hungry and tired a lot kind of like when he was a toddler. I've found if I make sure he has enough to eat and he sleeps as much as he wants, he is in a much better mood. He grew 4 inches in the last year and the doctor said sleep and food take priority. He came home from camp yesterday and fell asleep around 7pm. When I woke him up this morning at 9am, he was in a great mood.

OP here. This is what I have been wondering. Both kids eat a lot but tend to eat more carbs even though I always serve protein and veggies.

[Anonymous]

Surging hormones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surging hormones.

This is it basically. Don't any of you actually remember being a teen?

[Anonymous]

I don't ever remember being grumpy or rude. I remember constantly fighting with my parents over boundaries, freedoms and that stuff. I remember challenging authorities and teachers and thinking if I could research my arguments and stand firm then I would win. I remember being so pissed off if some teachers thought I was bratty rather than made a good argument. I didn't learn to read my audience and incorporate tone until I was an older teen.

[Anonymous]

No clue, never even understood when I was a teen. My sister was like this, I never was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't ever remember being grumpy or rude. I remember constantly fighting with my parents over boundaries, freedoms and that stuff. I remember challenging authorities and teachers and thinking if I could research my arguments and stand firm then I would win. I remember being so pissed off if some teachers thought I was bratty rather than made a good argument. I didn't learn to read my audience and incorporate tone until I was an older teen.

This sounds like the definition of grumpy and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD went through when she turned 13-14 and has developed full on teen attitude at 15. She has always been high maintenance and had anxiety so I assumed it was just her and try to be supportive. Now DS is 12 turning 13 and developing the same grumpy attitude. He has always been happy go lucky and never rude. All of a sudden he is making rude remarks. He is super grouchy around growth spurts.

Does anyone know the actual biological reason for this? Is it blood sugar or sleep issues surrounding hormones and growth?

Apple - Tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surging hormones.

This is it basically. Don't any of you actually remember being a teen?

Exactly. I remember bursting into tears and I would sit there crying saying, "I have no idea why I'm crying".

[Anonymous]

There are lot of drama going on in their lives we don’t know about: friendship, crushes, boyfriends, girlfriend etc
And there are stressful and causing anxiety and it reflects in their behaviors, we just don’t know the stories behind their bad moods

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it’s cultural. Definitely some hormones, some differentiating and separating yourself from your parents, but contrary to the hunter-gathered hypothesis PP, most societies don’t push their kids out towards peers and out of the nest as much as whites/Westerners (while simultaneously not giving them a lot of tools for self-sufficiency). There’s not enough guidance and mentorship and responsibility— ALONG WITH obligation to the larger whole— for most American teens.

[Anonymous]

Rule #1 of parenting teens: You are not the cool mom.

Their friends have cool moms, but you are not a cool mom. You can never be a cool mom, so stop trying. Do not kid yourself that you can be on their level. Do not try to discuss music or movies with them because you only embarrass yourself. You look silly. You are not cool, or hip, or happening. You do not have a weird flex. It is not possible. It is not happening.

Just stop.