What to do when a child threatens to run away?
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Anonymous
| And how does the approach differ between, say, a younger elementary child and a tween? Or a teen, e.g., 16 or so? |
Anonymous
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What is the context?
Was the threat said during the heat of the moment/argument? |
Anonymous
| OP here. Let's say the threat is said because the child is upset about a rule s/he doesn't want to follow or after getting in trouble by parents. |
Anonymous
| It depends on the kid. If it were my kid who has mental health issues I’d make sure he had his phone and I’d call the police as soon as he left our property. If it was another of my kids who doesn’t have mental health issues and who has never left before, I’d ignore it. |
Anonymous
Alicante the way they feel, and give a reason for the rule that they can understand. If they’re older, have an actual discussion about it. Why do they feel the rule is unfair, etc.? |
Anonymous
| My kids are young adults now. My 17 year old threatened to run away. I offered to help her pack. |
Anonymous
Yup! Call their bluff OP. |
Anonymous
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My five year old went through a phase of this. I always said, I would mos you so much because I love you so much!” And he would give a satisfied nod - he was testing our connection after being scolded and was pleased to find it intact.
DH’s mom helped him pack and arranged to have him stay at his best friend’s house when he was a kid. He hated feeling like his parents didn’t want him and would cheerfully hand him to someone else. |
Anonymous
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Oh gosh - this brings back memories of my son maybe around age 9, running away from home in the middle of the coldest snap in DC area in recent memory. I think it was about 20 degrees with a wind chill making it feel like 0 degrees.
And he left the house without a coat! He didn't come back quite as soon as I thought he would... I stood outside the house on the steps with his coat and watched him walk down the road. I was too late to catch him before he left the house, so I yelled after him that if he wanted to run away from home he needed to be prepared with his coat. He made it all the way down the block before turning and running back to me. Well, to the house LOL. He was still mad at me for I have no idea what reason. |
Anonymous
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I think it really depends on the kid.
When I was 12 or 13--and was in the throes of emotional preteen crap--I would yell "I'm running away!" and run into the woods behind our house. I brought literally nothing with me, so clearly I wasn't actually planning on running away. I would come back after like 20 minutes. Now, my uncle has major mental health issues and when he was 14, he cashed in a bond his grandfather had given him and got on a plane to California and bought a gun. My grandma miraculously found him on Sunset Blvd. So yeah -- depends on the kid. |
Anonymous
Help pack and tell him to watch out for the crackheads and hoes. |
Anonymous
I would ask them where would they go? I had this chat with my 13 yr old once. I said to him that he may not like the rules of the house and so he thinks he's got it "bad", but trust me, it's even worse out there. But honestly, DS knows he has it pretty good at home. I once "ran away" from home when I was 10 or something. I snuck out because I was angry at my mom for one reason or another. It was broad daylight. I walked around the block and came back home. Where was I going to go? |
Anonymous
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I ran away when I was 17. I am female and I hitchhiked to Blacksburg to see my brother at Va Tech. He called our mom when I got there. She said, "Ask her where I should send her clothes." I figured it wasn't a good time to go back. So I hitchhiked down to Oak Ridge Tenn to see my adult cousin. He called my mom too, told her I was sick. I think I had a cold or flu or something. I stayed there for a week with him (had a ball!) and then he sent me home on a bus. This was about 1970.
I turned out okay too! Miracle. |
Anonymous
| If my kid and they were serious and over 11, I’d make sure they had a safe place to run to. My oldest brother stayed with relatives for seven months before turning 18. A cousin lived with my grandmother all of HS. Safer than the streets. Cheaper than a residential program. |
Anonymous
This is what I did for my 7 year old. She packed up and headed out the door. I followed her and told her it was my job that she gets to where she wants to go safely or the police would charge me with child endangerment. But once she got to where she was heading (my sisters house 2 blocks away) she’d be free to go. We got to my sisters house, I let her in (whispered to my niece what was going on and left. She came back an hour later saying she was going to have to do the laundry and clean the kitchen if she stayed at my sisters. |