What to do when a child threatens to run away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my kid and they were serious and over 11, I’d make sure they had a safe place to run to. My oldest brother stayed with relatives for seven months before turning 18. A cousin lived with my grandmother all of HS. Safer than the streets. Cheaper than a residential program.

Did living with grandma suddenly make the cousin stop taking drugs or misbehaving? I'm thinking grandma had no clue what the teen was doing, and/or didn't have the energy to parent the teen so she let him do whatever he wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young adults now. My 17 year old threatened to run away. I offered to help her pack.

Yup! Call their bluff OP.

This is what I did for my 7 year old. She packed up and headed out the door. I followed her and told her it was my job that she gets to where she wants to go safely or the police would charge me with child endangerment. But once she got to where she was heading (my sisters house 2 blocks away) she’d be free to go. We got to my sisters house, I let her in (whispered to my niece what was going on and left. She came back an hour later saying she was going to have to do the laundry and clean the kitchen if she stayed at my sisters.

LOL. I love it. I tell my kids no one will love and care about them as much as their mom, and that grass is always greener on the other side. So, as much as they may hate my rules, if they think living with someone or on the streets is going to be better, go ahead. But right now though, they know they have it pretty good. But who knows how they will feel a few years from now.

[Anonymous]

My kids have both said stuff like “you’re the meanest mom!” (thank you for the positive performance review) and when they did I just said “Would you like me to call the Mom Store and get you a different one? You can pick another mom.” They always freak out: NOOOOO I don’t want another mommmmmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let's say the threat is said because the child is upset about a rule s/he doesn't want to follow or after getting in trouble by parents.

Alicante the way they feel, and give a reason for the rule that they can understand.

If they’re older, have an actual discussion about it. Why do they feel the rule is unfair, etc.?

I assume it is autocorrect but boy do I miss Spain!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid and they were serious and over 11, I’d make sure they had a safe place to run to. My oldest brother stayed with relatives for seven months before turning 18. A cousin lived with my grandmother all of HS. Safer than the streets. Cheaper than a residential program.

Did living with grandma suddenly make the cousin stop taking drugs or misbehaving? I'm thinking grandma had no clue what the teen was doing, and/or didn't have the energy to parent the teen so she let him do whatever he wanted.

It was not a case of drugs or misbehavior. My brother left for religious reasons. My cousin left because his stepfather kept knocking up my aunt and things got really chaotic fast with five kids under six. My grandmother ran a tight ship. Her household was much stricter than my aunt’s, but I think my cousin craved the stability. Regular meals are a big draw for teen boys.

[Anonymous]

Help him pack and ask if they want you to make a sandwich so he has something to eat. Pin a couple of dollars somewhere on clothes. Tell him you will miss them and are sorry to see him go but you hope he will keep in touch.

Call his bluff. He won't go far and will probably change his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help him pack and ask if they want you to make a sandwich so he has something to eat. Pin a couple of dollars somewhere on clothes. Tell him you will miss them and are sorry to see him go but you hope he will keep in touch.

Call his bluff. He won't go far and will probably change his mind.

This is what I did!

I stopped her before she left and told her I’d make her one last dinner for the road (cheese sandwich) and gave her a blanket (in case you find a bench to sleep on). She walked to the corner, ducked onto the neighbors porch and cried until she came back in very apologetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My five year old went through a phase of this. I always said, I would mos you so much because I love you so much!” And he would give a satisfied nod - he was testing our connection after being scolded and was pleased to find it intact.

DH’s mom helped him pack and arranged to have him stay at his best friend’s house when he was a kid. He hated feeling like his parents didn’t want him and would cheerfully hand him to someone else.

This is a great approach! I remember “running away” at the age of five to a closet. I sat in there for 30 minutes and cried because my mom didn’t come look for me. I would have loved for her to tell me not to because she would have missed me.

[Anonymous]

My 10 yo makes this threat every couple of weeks in reaction to my enforcing a rule he doesn’t like (ex. only 1 hr of Xbox a day) or am making him do something he doesn’t want to do (clean his room, etc). I tell him we’ll miss him terribly and remind being homeless or in foster care is worse. He’s likely going to have to do lots of chores as a foster kid and probably won’t have things like an Xbox or ipad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My five year old went through a phase of this. I always said, I would mos you so much because I love you so much!” And he would give a satisfied nod - he was testing our connection after being scolded and was pleased to find it intact.

DH’s mom helped him pack and arranged to have him stay at his best friend’s house when he was a kid. He hated feeling like his parents didn’t want him and would cheerfully hand him to someone else.

This is a great approach! I remember “running away” at the age of five to a closet. I sat in there for 30 minutes and cried because my mom didn’t come look for me. I would have loved for her to tell me not to because she would have missed me.

I agree completely! My son also did this a few times and we took a similar approach. It always happened after he was reprimanded or corrected for something- and in a weird way, I felt like it actually strengthened our relationship/bond... by responding as I did, it reinforced the idea that he is still a loved and valued member of our family (even if he broke the rules).

Letting your kids go or helping them pack, etc. just seems like you're setting your kid up for some weird attachment issues later down the road. It's just not how I choose to treat my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My five year old went through a phase of this. I always said, I would mos you so much because I love you so much!” And he would give a satisfied nod - he was testing our connection after being scolded and was pleased to find it intact.

DH’s mom helped him pack and arranged to have him stay at his best friend’s house when he was a kid. He hated feeling like his parents didn’t want him and would cheerfully hand him to someone else.

This is a great approach! I remember “running away” at the age of five to a closet. I sat in there for 30 minutes and cried because my mom didn’t come look for me. I would have loved for her to tell me not to because she would have missed me.

I agree completely! My son also did this a few times and we took a similar approach. It always happened after he was reprimanded or corrected for something- and in a weird way, I felt like it actually strengthened our relationship/bond... by responding as I did, it reinforced the idea that he is still a loved and valued member of our family (even if he broke the rules).

Letting your kids go or helping them pack, etc. just seems like you're setting your kid up for some weird attachment issues later down the road. It's just not how I choose to treat my kids.

I agree. I parent mostly through humor. We are just a relaxed family that way, and we are not super emotional. But I remember all the bad feelings that lead to a kid making the threat to run away. I take that seriously and try to validate their feelings and show that while I may not understand how they are feeling, I want to.

I would not call a bluff or pack the bags. I am the adult here.

[Anonymous]

Bye, boy.