Tantrums at age 5

[Anonymous]

DS turned five two weeks ago, and he still has tantrums. I think some of it has to do with jealousy over attention his sister maybe getting at any point in time. She's 2.75. He will get so upset and kick and scream and yell, and DH and I really dont know what to do. When its just him, hes fine - but when both the kids are together, its hell. They seem to feed off of each other and act worse and worse. There is no peace. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Have you read Siblings without Rivalry? It has some good suggestions.

Also, school being out + lack of routine + lots of time together is probably not helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you read Siblings without Rivalry? It has some good suggestions.

Also, school being out + lack of routine + lots of time together is probably not helping.

I'll check it out. Both kids in full time daycare, so their routine hasnt changed. DS starts kindergarten in late August.

[Anonymous]

Former first grade teacher here. Talk to your GP immediately. He or she should refer you to behavioral health (more likely) or a developmental pediatrician (less likely), based on the specifics of your situation. If he ever has fits outside the home, or around other kids, you will also want to have an honest conference with your kid’s principal. They will want to choose his teacher wisely. I promise, nobody in education judges a parent who tries to get ahead of their kid’s behavior.

Food for though: I have degrees in psychology and elementary education, plus years of teaching experience. I still needed intensive parenting courses to help my son with his fits. I also see a psychologist for parenting coaching. ( Had to call 9 places to find a place that took our insurance, so be persistent.) I’m not saying your parenting causes your son’s problems. I am saying that parents of easy kids can get by on intuition and mommy blogs. Parents of kids with challenging behaviors need the structure of a program to support them. Most people who meet my kid think he’s delightful. That wasn’t the case 6 months ago. I got our family the help we needed. You can, too.

Pep parenting in Maryland is a drive, but the intro class is free, tuition assistance is available, and the class for 5-12 yo kids is available online.

Hope at least some of this was helpful. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

If you are asking if you should look into it, you can. I tried and gave up - dev ped are hard to find and want younger kids. Neuropsych is for older kids, so age 5-6 fell into this donut hole.

My five year old had tantrums. They had tapered off significantly but were still there. Now at 6.5 he doesn’t really any more. He only had them at home after age four though - he could keep it together at school and then would just lose it home, where he felt safest.

[Anonymous]

Give him more attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are asking if you should look into it, you can. I tried and gave up - dev ped are hard to find and want younger kids. Neuropsych is for older kids, so age 5-6 fell into this donut hole.

My five year old had tantrums. They had tapered off significantly but were still there. Now at 6.5 he doesn’t really any more. He only had them at home after age four though - he could keep it together at school and then would just lose it home, where he felt safest.

That's unnecessary for a young kid who just started them.

[Anonymous]

What do you do when your 5 year old has a tantrum? There should be a consequence.

[Anonymous]

I would not put up with tantrums at any age. You child is a spoiled brat and it is your fault.

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the jerks, OP. I have 3 kids. My current 6.5 year old no longer has tantrums, but he definitely did at age 5. I also have a new 5 year old, and he has almost never had a tantrum, even when small. Kids are different and sometimes, they are just more prone to emotional oubursts. When are 6.5 year old was 5 and had a tantrum, we would escort him to his room and sit with him while it played out. We did not do time outs as the separation made it all worse. He would try to hit and kick and bit and scratch. I literally held him in my lap with his back to me until the rage would subside. The beginning of Kindergarten he was a mess because of the changes to his life - new schedule, exhaustion, new rules - and it would all come out at home. He was perfect and school and always has been. Our son would tantrum when he was feeling left out, or about a perceived slight, or if my husband was traveling - he has always had big emotions and only with time and aging is he able to better handle them. If you can talk with him in calm times about how to handle big emotions and practice, that's a good idea. Keep on top of hunger and sleep. Spend one on one time with him and make him feel special as the older child. If you can sense a tantrum coming, try to head it off by separating him and giving him some attention. Tantrums aren't misbehavior. They are a sign of an overwhelmed child.

[Anonymous]

I'd say it depends on how frequent these tantrums are, how intense, and how long they last. Little kids get tired and hungry and overwhelmed, and sometimes they just can't keep it together and have real meltdowns. I don't classify that as a tantrum.

But if your son is still mostly in control, then he's doing this either because he can't articulate why he's upset, or because he's trying to manipulate you to get what he wants. So I'd address both prongs--talk to him about his younger sibling, how he feels, and ways that he could ask for what he wants without tantrumming. AND when he does tantrum, just ignore him. Totally and utterly. Leave the room if you can. On the flip side, when he does use his words, praise him and give him positive attention.

I agree about keeping on top of meals and sleep and activity--tired, hungry, antsy kids are rarely well-behaved. Work to help him develop the skills to communicate appropriately, and give him no attention when he tantrums. (If these are true meltdowns, not tantrums, then work on helping him figure out how to calm down, relax, and take a minute to get it together is more useful.)