If your kids listen and participate in family life
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Anonymous
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What is your secret? My kids are still preschoolers, so I am looking for advice, not a remedy.
For context: we just came back from a vacation with friends and their tween/teenage kids, and I was shocked by the amount of yelling and threatening that it took to get the kids to do anything: help set the table, help clean up, help unload the groceries. They were glued to their devices at all times and just did not seem to participate much. The only time they did anything was they they were threatened that their devices will get confiscated. I do understand that tween/teen years are not easy, but is there a better way? What are some of the strategies that you can share. |
Anonymous
| Don’t hand over devices without strict guidelines and limits. |
Anonymous
| The better way is to have a different family culture. |
Anonymous
| Start chores early. Preschool is a good age to start. Have consistent expectations: Larla unloads the dishwasher (or part of it) every day, Larlo sets or clears the table every meal (or almost every meal). Etc. When it's routine, there's less fighting and yelling. |
Anonymous
| Mine are 10 and 12 and help and participate what I feel like is a good amount. It takes time and consistent effort and leading by example more than anything else. I ignore the moans and grumbles and praise the contributions. Also I learned about their stuff - like some video games you can’t just quit right in the middle without losing all their progress, so I respect that. Also I tell them things like, screens off now and you don’t get more time until you’ve done x, y, z but then I leave them alone - if they wanna read or play legos or whatever that’s fine. And I don’t micromanage, I tell them what to do and teach them to do it but they don’t have to make their bed or fold their clothes exactly like me. I am a divorced mom of two boys and I am working very hard with them to teach them to buy in and notice and care about their living situation and cultivating relationships. They are old enough now that I can see the value of my efforts. |
Anonymous
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I'm not afraid to say no or punish bad behavior, and I give them carrots to reach for.
"Go set the table and then you can FaceTime Molly until dinner's ready." Also, my kids do not "own" their phones or iPads. They're MINE. And the kids know that. |
Anonymous
| Routine early. They don't "help" it's their job as 4 and 5 etc year olds to set the table and clear the table etc. I washed dishes at 6. Devices are provided at certain times for fun etc but not instead of other things. |
Anonymous
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Well, I don’t spoil them, that’s really done the trick! If you don’t spoil them, they will have a better attitude.
I haven’t overindulged them in material things. I’ve tried to be fair, but firm and a bit of tough love. We also have fun and are silly so we keep the mood light. |
Anonymous
| Sweet, sweet OP. I was a perfect parent of teens when my kids were preschoolers, too. |
Anonymous
Yes. It's so easy to parent other people's children. |
Anonymous
NP- that's unfair to OP. There are legitimately bratty teens and she's asking how to avoid that, not saying she knows what they're doing wrong (in fact she's saying the opposite). |
Anonymous
OP, I think we could the parents guy were on vacation with. |
Anonymous
| You guys ^ |
Anonymous
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Found^
I can’t type. |
Anonymous
| It’s possible the kids do participate and do chores at home, but were disgruntled that they had to go on vacation with preschoolers and their parents friends, rather than spend that time with their friends. Doesn’t make it good or right, but I see that happen with the teens and tweens in our friend group when we go away, and I know these kids and know they aren’t always like that. They may still be salty and spoiled, but maybe not as drastically as it appeared. |