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Agnostics visiting slightly religious family members for Xmas
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Anonymous
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We're agnostic, if that is the right term. We do not disbelieve but we do not believe either and we have chosen not to raise our children with religion. When they are older they are free to chose what they believe in. This year we are visiting relatives who are slightly religious. My 5 yr old is one to ask questions and we have not yet discussed religion in general. I'm worried about to handle it when they pray before dinner or if they start talking about Christman in terms of Jesus rather than Santa Claus.
My SIL is a PITA and she takes it on herself to push whatever choices she makes about anything onto others. Even though she doesn't go to the church everyweek and is not that religious, I am certain if she senses an opening to aggravate us by teaching our children something we have chosen not to, she will take it. Any advice? |
Anonymous
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by not exposing your children to religion now, you are 99% assuring that they will not be religious as adults either. that is your choice of course, but let's not pretend allowing them to decide later on is really realistic.
if you really were open, then why not expose them to different religions now as kids, and then let them decide for themsevles as adults? |
Anonymous
| My advice is to approach your kids' inevitable questions about the religious aspects of your family members' household as if you would approach questions about a visit to a household of another culture. That is, try to answer factually, with information, in an upbeat and informative way, without judgment and with as little eye-rolling as possible, even though you may not respect your family's lifestyle choices. Sort of an "Isn't an interesting that they believe/behave that way" attitude. Especially since you are leaving your children's choices open, you want them to think it's okay to have some religion, even if you don't entirely approve of SIL. Explain the facts, help them find further info, and discuss in a pleasant and open way. Let them know that you don't believe that way, but it's okay that others do. |
Anonymous
| Your kids will run into religion everywhere including lots of people trying to cram it down their throats so I wouldn't really see this as any different. I'm an atheist and DH is agnostic so when DS (and his future siblings) is a bit older we'll be dealing with this, too! PP had a good idea about treating it like another culture. |
Anonymous
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I just whisper to my kid, "Crazy Aunt Martha, isn't she a hoot?"
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Anonymous
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I agree with the PP about treating is as a different culture. We're the same way. DH and I aren't raising kids with religion, but DH comes from a super religious background. Holidays are all about church. Right down to the board games.
I'd just say that we're in their house, and if they like to pray before they eat, we should just do it out of respect. And, kids are usually smarter than you might think, so if SIL is really a PITA, I'm sure the kids pick up on it. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the PPs. I'm a practicing Christian and would have no trouble with a guest/family member explaining to their child that Aunt K's family believes that Christmas is Jesus's birthday but that for our family it's a holiday where we [give to one another / celebrate each other / fill in the blank]. I think the important thing is for you to try to answer your child's questions first. Aunt K would probably answer from her own frame of reference (how could she not?) and that might be confusing to your child. |
Anonymous
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I would prep your child with "some people, like Aunt blah blah, believe..... fill in the basic facts about Jesus. Also tell your child what YOU think which is that you don't think anybody really knows the truth about Jesus or God and lots of people all around the world think different things.
I also explained to my child about the winter solstice, that it's the longest, darkest night of the year, and people have long chosen to celebrate it because it means the return of spring and growing food etc. etc. That people who believe in Jesus don't really know when his birthday was but that they decided to celebrate it on that night. |
Anonymous
This is what I did. I also threw in some basic info on prayer and how we are expected to act when someone else is praying. |
Anonymous
You are nuts. |
Anonymous
Ahh yes, this is good, regardless of our (non-)beliefs, we should definitely teach our kids to be respectful when others are praying. |
Anonymous
I think this is kind. Religious tolerance is very important now. One should not project their religious views on other people, but sometimes they can't help but act out their faith (i.e. prayer) in the presence of others. We have to learn to adjust to all sorts of people and hopefully, we can do so respectfully. |
Anonymous
| What great answers, all! Thanks for responding to the OP. |
Anonymous
| I would treat it as any other matter of etiquette or cultural sensitivity. Educate them so that they understand the traditions and what is going on and so they can be respectful. While I do not think that you need to educate your children about religion, they should understand what religion is at least to the degree necessary to have that sensitivity. I think 5 year olds are capable of appreciating basic cultural differences. |
Anonymous
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Your kids need to learn how to be around people of faith without giving offense. Here's your chance to teach the lessons about diversity, and good manners.
It isn't a time to teach your kids about your belief/not in God, but what I hope is your belief in tolerance. Anything they take away from the PITA or others can be sorted out later. You are a much stronger influence than random relatives. |