Husband says he doesn’t want to talk about practical stuff

[Anonymous]

My husband is very dreamy and a romantic. His interests are art, politics, philosophy, literature and religion.

That’s all fine but I want for us to figure out logistics of every day life. Finances and mortgages and vacations.

He gets so bored and checks out whenever I try to bring up any of those topics.

I don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Don't have children with him. Get great birth control - that's what you should do.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married?
How old are you?
Is this a new issue?

[Anonymous]

If you plan and organize the practical stuff, does he go along with it happily or complain that he wasn’t involved?

[Anonymous]

So just handle that stuff yourself without discussion. Let him know he can have some input whenever he wants to discuss it but otherwise you will take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Either accept that you’re going to do it all yourself without his help/input, or divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So just handle that stuff yourself without discussion. Let him know he can have some input whenever he wants to discuss it but otherwise you will take care of it.

So she should just give up expecting anything from him? She doesn't get to have a true partner in this relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just handle that stuff yourself without discussion. Let him know he can have some input whenever he wants to discuss it but otherwise you will take care of it.

So she should just give up expecting anything from him? She doesn't get to have a true partner in this relationship?

On those things, yes. Everything doesn’t have to be a big discussion. I like to garden, husband doesn’t. So I should try to engage him in a discussion about what to plant? I do the grocery shopping and he doesn’t care. Should I run the brand of bread by him? He decided to use a different car mechanic this time, but I don’t care. Does he need to run through the reasons why with me? No. Just do it and be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just handle that stuff yourself without discussion. Let him know he can have some input whenever he wants to discuss it but otherwise you will take care of it.

So she should just give up expecting anything from him? She doesn't get to have a true partner in this relationship?

On those things, yes. Everything doesn’t have to be a big discussion. I like to garden, husband doesn’t. So I should try to engage him in a discussion about what to plant? I do the grocery shopping and he doesn’t care. Should I run the brand of bread by him? He decided to use a different car mechanic this time, but I don’t care. Does he need to run through the reasons why with me? No. Just do it and be done.

Pretty much this. Disappointment is usually due to expectations not meeting reality. You can't really change him. You can tell him a couple times how it's important to you that he's involved in some major practical decisions but only he can decide to be engaged. If he's not then either decide you will bear that burden or move on me find someone else.
Everything doesn't have to be a big discussion of course but it's very draining and exhausting when one partner carries the household life burden and the other only benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So just handle that stuff yourself without discussion. Let him know he can have some input whenever he wants to discuss it but otherwise you will take care of it.

+1. I handle all financial stuff in our marriage. I did it for myself before when I was single, and I just keep going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just handle that stuff yourself without discussion. Let him know he can have some input whenever he wants to discuss it but otherwise you will take care of it.

So she should just give up expecting anything from him? She doesn't get to have a true partner in this relationship?

DP. In this relationship, no, probably not. That’s not who she married, and apparently he’s made clear he has no interest in changing. He sounds like a shitty husband, but she can’t compel him to be different. She can only decide what she will and will not tolerate.

[Anonymous]

LOL what? That's something I definitely miss about being a teenager and college student, but adults have to deal with practical life, it doesn't just go away if you refuse to talk about it.

I would have very little patience for this because by refusing, he's dumping it on you and saying it's less important for you to have space to think about philosophy or art or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very dreamy and a romantic. His interests are art, politics, philosophy, literature and religion.

That’s all fine but I want for us to figure out logistics of every day life. Finances and mortgages and vacations.

He gets so bored and checks out whenever I try to bring up any of those topics.

I don’t know what to do.

So if he doesn’t want to handle “logistics” what does he want to do? A larger share of chores while you handle logistics? A higher paying more demanding job so you can outsource some of your tasks? Or is this shorthand for you handling everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL what? That's something I definitely miss about being a teenager and college student, but adults have to deal with practical life, it doesn't just go away if you refuse to talk about it.

I would have very little patience for this because by refusing, he's dumping it on you and saying it's less important for you to have space to think about philosophy or art or whatever.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very dreamy and a romantic. His interests are art, politics, philosophy, literature and religion.

That’s all fine but I want for us to figure out logistics of every day life. Finances and mortgages and vacations.

He gets so bored and checks out whenever I try to bring up any of those topics.

I don’t know what to do.

How convenient! He does not want to talk or deal with life!