Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...
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Anonymous
| We are a military family, and have been fortunate enough to live in the same place for almost 7 years. My husband just went from enlisted to officer and now we will be moving much more frequently. Financially this is going to be huge for our family. We can actually afford to save for college, will be able to afford sports and activities for our children. Plus my husband will be able to get a much better job when he retires from the army being an officer. I can’t help but feel guilty tho that we can’t give them a sense of stability. They will never have that childhood friend from birth or be able to call one location “home.” I can’t stop crying, and worrying about their future. My husband and I both came from nothing, I didn’t even grow up with hot water, or heat and a house filled with mold. My husband grew up even poorer. At first I felt like so happy that we are going to be able to give our children a much better chance at life then we had, but not if their mental health suffers from this lifestyle. |
Anonymous
| Kids will be fine and that is military life. Hate to tell you this but being an officer doesn't guarantee you a better job when you get out. What guarentees you a better job is a degree in a real major, preferably with work experience and pure luck. My enlisted husband got a useful degree before retiring and is making more than many of the officers we know (including doctors). Don't under estimate enlisted. |
Anonymous
| Don't sweat it. Military kids are resilient. I'm an Army brat and my siblings and I lived all over growing up, including in Germany. We're all happy, stable, and able to roll with the punches. Now that your husband is an officer your life will be more stable anyhow even with the moves. Congrats! |
Anonymous
| Home is what you make it OP. I never understood people who think/thought “home” is an over-renovated shit shack. That’s not home, that’s poor financial decisions. Now you get a stipend, on top of the rent you collect for your house, and you get to be together, AND actually enjoy it. That, my dear, is HOME. |
Anonymous
My husband has been enlisted for almost 10 yrs, I was in no way putting down enlisted soldiers. I was talking about the financial increase and him now having a college degree, that is a huge benefit to our family. |
Anonymous
Germany here too, but the rest isn’t always true. How is the therapy coverage? Independent of moves, of course. |
Anonymous
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You didn't ruin their lives. Military kids face challenges that civilian kids do not, but they also get advantages. They experience different parts of the world, they learn to adapt to new surroundings and make new friends. These are good experiences to have.
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Anonymous
| My family was non military moved all the time for my dad’s job. More money made life better, even if there was the start up adjustment. They will be fine. |
Anonymous
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Op, you sound like a wonderful parent. I’ve had the pleasure of living beside a rental home in nova and all families were military officers. Their children are flourishing- truly. I’m not intimately involved in their families, so I can’t say it’s always been easy, but as you probably already know, the military families offer a wonderful, supportive community.
Having grown up facing significant challenges, even with the same roof over your head, what is most important having parent(s) who take the time to listen to their kids and take their challenges seriously. I will caution you that you bring too anxious could be picked up on by your kids. Try to keep a brave face. Look at the moves as opportunities to explore new areas and meet new people. Congratulations on your successes this far! Thank you for your service and that of your husband. Military service involves the whole family and I appreciate what you do. |
Anonymous
| My DD (14) just had her military BFF over for the weekend. Her friend lived in our neighborhood for 5 years but hasn't lived in the area for 3 years and will be in Kansas for the next 4. They keep in touch by cell phone/Instagram/etc. I know it doesn't work that way for everyone but those two clicked and technology allowed them to maintain the connection. I expect they'll always be close friends - so does the girl's mother. |
Anonymous
It very much comes across that way but that's pretty common with officers and officers wives... good you are getting prepared. Having a general degree will help with the military but not necessarily in the real world. We know plenty of officers that had useless degrees they got for promotion and now are really struggling in basic jobs. When you get out, except for retired or ex-officers, no one cares if you were enlisted vs. officer. |
Anonymous
Tricare Prime is very generous... but that's not relevant and most kids do just fine. OP's kids will do fine and if not, she'll support them. Many kids move for many reasons, especially military. Hopefully they will go to a nice base in a nicer area and husband will do well. |
Anonymous
| I have a few friends who grew up moving around a lot (military or state department), and they are some of the most adaptable and resilient people I know. Change doesn’t seem to scare them the way it does other people, and they seem more comfortable being out of their element. Obviously there are no universal experiences, but I think that lifestyle growing up served my friends well. |
Anonymous
+1 Moving or not moving isn't going to determine your kid's happiness in life. Showing them the dynamics of a lovely family, modeling resilience, and supporting their education are going to be far more important than whether they move a few times during childhood. |
Anonymous
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I grew up in the same place from birth until I left as an adult, and I've never gone back. I have no friends from "home". I hated it and begged to move.
So don't think every kid wants the same thing. They will get their stability from being with family, and from rituals. |