Someone please tell me we aren’t ruining our kids lives...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the same place from birth until I left as an adult, and I've never gone back. I have no friends from "home". I hated it and begged to move.

So don't think every kid wants the same thing.

They will get their stability from being with family, and from rituals.

Came here to say this! My parents don't even live in the place we grew up. I have no reason to ever return there.

[Anonymous]

Babies should not have children. Home is where your parents are! You need to grow up because, believe me, being an officer's wife is not easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babies should not have children. Home is where your parents are! You need to grow up because, believe me, being an officer's wife is not easy!

OP, a baby: I really hope we are doing right by our kids. Can anyone offer input and advice?

You, a stable adult: Grow up, loser! Seeking advice and worrying whether you're doing right by your kids is childish!

[Anonymous]

Op, if its really, really bothering you, you can discuss you and the kids staying put and your spouse doing the moving. I lived with my great grandmother while my Army officer mom traveled when she had to. By the time she was able to put down more concrete roots, I was able to move us both into an apartment. At 16, I set up the cable and utilities and paid the rent.

[Anonymous]

Tons of military families where I live. They seem generally happy and tight knit family units.

[Anonymous]

I went to 4 elementary schools in 3 states. Moving was hard, but it taught me to make friends. My parents were also big on pushing the notion that “siblings are the friends who move with you,” and as a result, we are all close now in our 30-40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids will be fine and that is military life. Hate to tell you this but being an officer doesn't guarantee you a better job when you get out. What guarentees you a better job is a degree in a real major, preferably with work experience and pure luck. My enlisted husband got a useful degree before retiring and is making more than many of the officers we know (including doctors). Don't under estimate enlisted.

Get that chip off your shoulder, soldier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who grew up moving around a lot (military or state department), and they are some of the most adaptable and resilient people I know. Change doesn’t seem to scare them the way it does other people, and they seem more comfortable being out of their element. Obviously there are no universal experiences, but I think that lifestyle growing up served my friends well.

+1 Moving or not moving isn't going to determine your kid's happiness in life. Showing them the dynamics of a lovely family, modeling resilience, and supporting their education are going to be far more important than whether they move a few times during childhood.

+2 There are a lot of military and state department families in my neighborhood and their kids seem to be doing great. There are pros and cons to both lifestyles. Sometimes I worry that my kids who have lived in the same house since birth and had mostly the same friends since K-2nd grade will struggle when they leave the nest so I have to be more intentional about pushing them into new/uncomfortable situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a few friends who grew up moving around a lot (military or state department), and they are some of the most adaptable and resilient people I know. Change doesn’t seem to scare them the way it does other people, and they seem more comfortable being out of their element. Obviously there are no universal experiences, but I think that lifestyle growing up served my friends well.

Agree completely with this when I think about my own peers who were military or FSO kids, as well as my kids' friends -- teens and early 20s -- who are military or FSO. Adaptable and resilient people, curious and open-minded about the world, notably comfortable speaking with adults even at an early age. And these are close-knit, mutually supportive families. That said, if you're feeling anxious, OP, you might want to seek counseling and support for yourself. As a citizen and taxpayer, I hope that is available to you. Thank you for your service to our country. God bless you and yours!

[Anonymous]

My DH grew up in a military family, usually moving every 18 months, so a few times they moved in the middle of the school year. He said it got harder as they got older (the last move was in the middle of 7th grade, so not a great time for most kids anyway). But all in all he speaks positively of it. He has seen so many places, and he and his family all reminisce about their different postings.

Neither he nor his oldest sister are in touch with any friends from before high school but we live 5 miles from where I grew up and I am only in touch with one friend from before high school, so it’s not so different (and FWIW that friend lives 800 miles away).

He is fairly rooted at the moment (probably because he’s married to boring me!) but his sibs move all the time - one SIL has lived in three different countries and three states since I’ve known her and the other has lived in I think 5 states in that time. So it does seem to lead to adults with wanderlust (not that that’s bad!), although maybe it’s genetic and that’s how his parents ended up living that life in the first place!