Was my BIL rude?

[Anonymous]

I have gained weight over the last 20 years. I used to be very skinny and now I’m overweight- size 12-14.

We were at a family friend’s party, we don’t see them often. There was an elderly man / friend of my parents there who hasn’t seen me in many many years, since I was 23. I’m 44 now.

He knows my sister well. He came up to us and asked who I was. My sister said that I am her sister. He said “ oh, I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you.” My sisters husband starts laughing and says “ why didn’t you recognize her?” The man said, “well it’s been over 20 years.”

I KNEW my BIL thought the guy didn’t recognize me because I’m fatter. He wanted the guy to say it. The guy was very classy and didn’t catch on to what my BIL was trying to do. I truly feel he just didn’t remember or recognize me.

I said to my sister later, why did he say that? He obviously wanted to crack a joke about how fat I am. My sister said yes that is true but he thought he was being funny and he is not funny.

Is he a jerk ?

[Anonymous]

You're giving this way too much thought, time and attention. Just move on. He's a jerk, yeah, what are you gonna do? You're not married to the guy, thankfully, and hopefully you don't have to see him all that much.

When you do have to see him, it's a "Hey, Ted" and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Total jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're giving this way too much thought, time and attention. Just move on. He's a jerk, yeah, what are you gonna do? You're not married to the guy, thankfully, and hopefully you don't have to see him all that much.

When you do have to see him, it's a "Hey, Ted" and keep it moving.

Well, I'm a little stunned BIL wanted to make a fat joke about me publicly.

[Anonymous]

I doubt this is the first time he's come off like a jerk. There isnt anything you can do about it but just ignore the comment and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're giving this way too much thought, time and attention. Just move on. He's a jerk, yeah, what are you gonna do? You're not married to the guy, thankfully, and hopefully you don't have to see him all that much.

When you do have to see him, it's a "Hey, Ted" and keep it moving.

Well, I'm a little stunned BIL wanted to make a fat joke about me publicly.

Well there are 2 things you can do...

Ignore it and move on

Call him out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're giving this way too much thought, time and attention. Just move on. He's a jerk, yeah, what are you gonna do? You're not married to the guy, thankfully, and hopefully you don't have to see him all that much.

When you do have to see him, it's a "Hey, Ted" and keep it moving.

Well, I'm a little stunned BIL wanted to make a fat joke about me publicly.

OK, assholes say rude things sometimes. I think you now know without question that he's an asshole. But stewing and ruminating isn't going to help. Shake it off as asshole behavior, say a prayer of thanks that you're not married to a DB like that, and move on.

[Anonymous]

I had that happen to me, with a male relative of DH's who we hadn't seen in a long time. He was surprised to see me fatter and older. Hello, I've had 2 kids since we last met and we were at a funeral - no one's going to be perky.

I swear, next time I see him, I'm going to say: "I didn't recognize you, you're so wrinkly and bald now!"

[Anonymous]

I'd be worried about my sister and what he says to her to cut down her self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be worried about my sister and what he says to her to cut down her self esteem.

+1. Life is short, don't waste your time ruminating on him at all except in relation to this.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re making too much out of it because you’re super insecure about your weight gain. Nobody thinks about it as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

He was rude, and it says more about them than it does about you. Glad your family friend showed contact and class. Move on and don’t worry about BIL anymore. Don’t give people who like hurting you the ability to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re making too much out of it because you’re super insecure about your weight gain. Nobody thinks about it as much as you do.

I'm not really insecure. But I don't think it's polite to do. It's rude. Even if I was insecure, he was trying to make a job about my weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re making too much out of it because you’re super insecure about your weight gain. Nobody thinks about it as much as you do.

I'm not really insecure. But I don't think it's polite to do. It's rude. Even if I was insecure, he was trying to make a job about my weight.

Right. It was rude. Yes, and? How may we help you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re making too much out of it because you’re super insecure about your weight gain. Nobody thinks about it as much as you do.

I'm not really insecure. But I don't think it's polite to do. It's rude. Even if I was insecure, he was trying to make a job about my weight.

Or you could be over thinking this... seriously, it may be all in your head.