Feeling the golden handcuffs of private schools, panicking....

[Anonymous]

I am pregnant with my third and all I keep thinking is "I live in DC, about 1.5 miles away from an amazing school district (bethesda md) and we are looking at paying 70K a year in a couple of years." It all seems insane, and I am worried about letting my oldest get used to the "good life" to yank him out and put him in PS in a couple of years. I vacillate between regretting putting him in at all or just staying very house poor and trying to make it work with all of these kids. I am feeling trapped by this city, and I know it is mostly my neuroses that are getting in the way, but ACKKKKK!!!! I am longing for a simpler way, but that is just escapism. We are rich enough to swing 72K a year if we do NOTHING ELSE and we are poor enough to worry about it the whole time. Argh. I know a lot of families are in this spot, and it is stupid to complain, but this third baby feels like a game-changer.

Sorry, just had to vent. Friends who do not live here DO NOT get it. Friends who live here are (seemingly) already set on their paths. I am feeling crazy about this.

[Anonymous]

From where I sit, which is coincidentally about 1/2 mile inside the District line from Bethesda, I think the answer for you is pretty clear: move. I know it's no small thing to do that, but I think once you do you will feel better.

Three kids in an independent, non-parochial school is very, very hard unless someone is an equity partner in a larger law firm (which you may be).

[Anonymous]

Take the long term view. How many years could you swing 72k a year? Plus each kid will have 4 years of college. It sounds like you know what you want to do. Move to Bethesda if that is what you and DH want to do. The kids will adjust.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say that this decision sucks, OP. Sorry you're in this situation!

[Anonymous]

OP - We faced the same situation just a year ago and I was only pregnant with our second child. We made the decision to move around New Years and were in our new home in July. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Private schools don't solve everything. For all you know, there are tutors, therapists, and god knows what else in your future.

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with $72k in annual tuition unless I still had money to handle the stuff that could potentially go wrong.

[Anonymous]

Oh wait, I already posted but there's another very obvious answer here. Send your children to public school. If you live in DC 1.5 miles from Bethesda, then you're in Key, Janney or Murch. Mann maybe?

Hundreds of us send our DCs to these public schools and they do great. Better than fine; they're great. It sounds like your eldest isn't even in grade school yet, and if that's correct, then you may not know how very fine the above-named schools are.

Several families on my block and the next over (Murch) now send the kids to Deal, and this is good for them. Lawyer and lobbyist families, fwiw, just like the families that make up the bulk of the oft-discussed privates that you're probably thinking of.

[Anonymous]

OP, just move. A new child is a very common reason for families to move. After you move, you can still put a child or two in private, but you will know that the back up is a reasonable option, thus less stress.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you can't afford private school. Would you deliberate this much over a car payment? No, you would say, "We can't afford this car."

The world is full of people who can't afford private school and their kids turn out fine. It's a ridiculous burden parents are putting on themselves thinking that they are somehow gypping their kids because they can't bankrupt themselves for a private school education.

[Anonymous]

pp here. I think you should move. If you are not comfortable with DCPS now, you will never be. You will always be asking yourself "what if". Just move.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for some of the encouraging remarks...I need to visit some public schools and try to see my kids there. Unfortunately, I have very little experience with public schools and I truly do not understand the culture and different benefits it can have. I was raised in small private schools and it is where MY comfort level is, but I know that it is not the answer. I just naturally assume "smaller is better" and I DO believe that, but is it 70K better? I doubt that.

My family can afford the tuition, but it will come at a price. NO vacations, no trips, constant budget watching, nothing extra, no fun. This is not a tragedy and I would gladly do it if there were no options, but there ARE options. I just need to pull up my big girl panties and go look.

Yes, I am in a DCPS that many families use. They like it (while grumbling under their breath non-stop). For a variety of reasons, I am taking a "wait and see" approach on DCPS. I think that they are in the midst of GREAT change and it ain't pretty. I do not see the point of sending my kids there and feeling REALLY insecure when such great schools are so close by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for some of the encouraging remarks...I need to visit some public schools and try to see my kids there. Unfortunately, I have very little experience with public schools and I truly do not understand the culture and different benefits it can have. I was raised in small private schools and it is where MY comfort level is, but I know that it is not the answer. I just naturally assume "smaller is better" and I DO believe that, but is it 70K better? I doubt that.

My family can afford the tuition, but it will come at a price. NO vacations, no trips, constant budget watching, nothing extra, no fun. This is not a tragedy and I would gladly do it if there were no options, but there ARE options. I just need to pull up my big girl panties and go look.

Yes, I am in a DCPS that many families use. They like it (while grumbling under their breath non-stop). For a variety of reasons, I am taking a "wait and see" approach on DCPS. I think that they are in the midst of GREAT change and it ain't pretty. I do not see the point of sending my kids there and feeling REALLY insecure when such great schools are so close by.

You need to tour your MoCo target schools, too. They're not that great (at least compared to upper NW DCPS). Sure, there's a big gap at HS, but not at elementary. If someone pointed a gun at my head and told me to choose between, say, Murch and Somerset, I honestly have no idea what would come out of my mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for some of the encouraging remarks...I need to visit some public schools and try to see my kids there. Unfortunately, I have very little experience with public schools and I truly do not understand the culture and different benefits it can have. I was raised in small private schools and it is where MY comfort level is, but I know that it is not the answer. I just naturally assume "smaller is better" and I DO believe that, but is it 70K better? I doubt that.

My family can afford the tuition, but it will come at a price. NO vacations, no trips, constant budget watching, nothing extra, no fun. This is not a tragedy and I would gladly do it if there were no options, but there ARE options. I just need to pull up my big girl panties and go look.

Yes, I am in a DCPS that many families use. They like it (while grumbling under their breath non-stop). For a variety of reasons, I am taking a "wait and see" approach on DCPS. I think that they are in the midst of GREAT change and it ain't pretty. I do not see the point of sending my kids there and feeling REALLY insecure when such great schools are so close by.

You need to tour your MoCo target schools, too. They're not that great (at least compared to upper NW DCPS). Sure, there's a big gap at HS, but not at elementary. If someone pointed a gun at my head and told me to choose between, say, Murch and Somerset, I honestly have no idea what would come out of my mouth.

OP here. Hmmmm, that is an interesting thought! MY local DCPS's facilities are REALLY lacking, so I would think Somerset might be a better choice, but maybe not! Food for thought!

[Anonymous]

OP, go visit both your DCPS school and some MoCo schools and see what the education is like. Don't make an assumption based on the facility.

Good luck with your decision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously you can't afford private school. Would you deliberate this much over a car payment? No, you would say, "We can't afford this car."

The world is full of people who can't afford private school and their kids turn out fine. It's a ridiculous burden parents are putting on themselves thinking that they are somehow gypping their kids because they can't bankrupt themselves for a private school education.

I agree with this. I couldn't possibly subject myself to this degree of stress over a private school tuition bill. If you can make it go away by moving, then do so.