34 years ago, a woman ghosted me. I still wonder why.

[Anonymous]

I was 21, a junior in college. She was a junior in another college. We had talked about marriage. Then, one day in 1985, I called. I told her I need to be close to where she goes to school the next weekend, and would love to see her. And crickets. She stopped calling me (ok, phone calls were expensive then), and stopped writing letters. It was much easier to ghost before cell phones.

To this day, I wonder why...Did I do something? or was this on her? Had she met someone else, and when I was possibly coming into town that she would be outed? Or was she too self conscious to just tell me it is over?

I have a good life. Married, with a great family. I do not want to be with her, but I still wonder what happened.

[Anonymous]

Had you had sex, and if so have you tried 23 and Me?

[Anonymous]

It’s college dude and that was “normal” back then. No social media, no cell phones, no email, no FaceTime. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

She probably just met someone else let it go.

[Anonymous]

Whatever the details, the answer is that she didn't want to be with you, she didn't want you to visit her, and she for some reason didn't feel comfortable telling you that didn't have the nerve to tell you that bluntly/directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever the details, the answer is that she didn't want to be with you, she didn't want you to visit her, and she for some reason didn't feel comfortable telling you that didn't have the nerve to tell you that bluntly/directly.

This. When she realized you were getting serious, she panicked

[Anonymous]

Enjoy your life today. You will never know. She probably had plans with someone else that weekend, so she did not want to see you. Let it Go! How important could this possibly be in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had you had sex, and if so have you tried 23 and Me?

lol

[Anonymous]

Have you ever looked her up on social media?

[Anonymous]

Do you mean you *would* be close to where she goes to school? Because saying you *need* to be close to where she goes to school is a little weird.

[Anonymous]

She met some other guy. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

She met someone else or she decided that she wanted to go out with her friends and be single again.

You were probably coming across as a bit heavy handed with the whole marriage thing and she didn't want to have a difficult conversation with you. Is it possible that she didn't think that you would take "No" for an answer? I mean, you knew what YOU wanted but did you really consider what SHE wanted? Yes, she could have, and should have, handled the break up more maturely. Ghosting was just the easier way out for her.

[Anonymous]

I did this to my college bf. We had talked marriage, but 21 is so young and neither of us really knew what we wanted. I wanted to explore other options but wasn’t emotionally mature enough to end things, ghosting was just easier. It wasn’t really until my 30s that I developed the ability to end things in a mature way, rather than ghosting or texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean you *would* be close to where she goes to school? Because saying you *need* to be close to where she goes to school is a little weird.

I had to be in court for a traffic ticket 45 miles from her college. That is what I meant by needed -- not an emotion need, but I was required to be at a court house on Friday. That would place me a short trip from her.

[Anonymous]

I did this to a guy in college. It was a long-distance thing, I’d met him over the summer and liked him, so we kept in touch when we both went back to school. He seemed much more serious about it than I was, though, and the more I tried to slow things down, the harder he pushed for it to get serious. He started planning a trip out to see me even though I told him it wasn’t a good weekend to come out, and I stopped responding because he just wouldn’t accept “no” and it was a little scary (I also stayed in a friend’s dorm the weekend he was planning to visit in case he showed up anyway). I could have given him a decisive “I never want to hear from you again,” but I was worried about what he’d do if I rejected him that openly.