DS with no social life

[Anonymous]

My DC had a lot of friends in elementary and middle school, but after transferring to a private HS, he seems to have a very limited social life. He doesn’t seem to mind and enjoys time with family and “doing his own thing.” I’ve been on campus and seen him goofing around with kids and he doesn’t seem ostracized, but it doesn’t translate into weekend invitations. He doesn’t drink or do drugs (prides himself on being healthy) and I know used to be teased for being “too straight.” He plays sports, but tends to prefer those that are solitary vs a team. I just worry. Is this normal for some kids to not care about being in a social group? He’s leaving for college next year and I’m hoping he’ll find more of a group he connects with there. Just looking for some thoughts from anyone who may be experiencing the same thing with their DC? I’m trying not to project my own experience onto him, but it’s hard...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC had a lot of friends in elementary and middle school, but after transferring to a private HS, he seems to have a very limited social life. He doesn’t seem to mind and enjoys time with family and “doing his own thing.” I’ve been on campus and seen him goofing around with kids and he doesn’t seem ostracized, but it doesn’t translate into weekend invitations. He doesn’t drink or do drugs (prides himself on being healthy) and I know used to be teased for being “too straight.” He plays sports, but tends to prefer those that are solitary vs a team. I just worry. Is this normal for some kids to not care about being in a social group? He’s leaving for college next year and I’m hoping he’ll find more of a group he connects with there. Just looking for some thoughts from anyone who may be experiencing the same thing with their DC? I’m trying not to project my own experience onto him, but it’s hard...

My son is like this and I'm not worried at all. He gets great grades and spends a lot of time working out at the gym. He's not getting in trouble and is very mature. He's going places one day.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't fit in with the private school OP. He will do much better if he goes to a university that fits him, and leaves the private school behind.

Kids at privates, in my experience, have lots of money and are able to buy lots of substances. If your kid hasn't been in school with them from elementary, and doesn't do drugs / drink, he is an outlier.

[Anonymous]

If he seems happy not depressed he will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry. He seems fine. Maybe this is right level for him right now. I worry more about the kids with severe FOMO who cry foul if they aren’t invited to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't fit in with the private school OP. He will do much better if he goes to a university that fits him, and leaves the private school behind.

Kids at privates, in my experience, have lots of money and are able to buy lots of substances. If your kid hasn't been in school with them from elementary, and doesn't do drugs / drink, he is an outlier.

Huh? Odd. I went to Sidwell, never did drugs and never drank and had lots of friends. I went onto attend an Ivy and even then never tried drugs and only Frank on occasion.

[Anonymous]

How long ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't fit in with the private school OP. He will do much better if he goes to a university that fits him, and leaves the private school behind.

Kids at privates, in my experience, have lots of money and are able to buy lots of substances. If your kid hasn't been in school with them from elementary, and doesn't do drugs / drink, he is an outlier.

This is not true at our private. While there's certainly a group that drinks, parties, etc., there are groups that don't. Just as I'm sure is true in any high school....

[Anonymous]

You are delusional.

[Anonymous]

It is often challenging for kids who transfer into k-12 privates in 9th grade because social groups have been formed, and it’s hard to break in. Easier if you’re an athlete, or participate in theater or in something with an established group. If you march to your own drum, aren’t into parties, and aren’t an athlete, it is absolutely harder.

[Anonymous]

my private school 11th grade kid is similar, fwiw. Hoping college will be more social for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't fit in with the private school OP. He will do much better if he goes to a university that fits him, and leaves the private school behind.

Kids at privates, in my experience, have lots of money and are able to buy lots of substances. If your kid hasn't been in school with them from elementary, and doesn't do drugs / drink, he is an outlier.

Huh? Odd. I went to Sidwell, never did drugs and never drank and had lots of friends. I went onto attend an Ivy and even then never tried drugs and only Frank on occasion.

Maybe that's true at Sidwell, but not true at my very cliquey former private high school. It was not an academic powerhouse, more of a place. People who came in at high school had a hard time making friends, I know, my friend group of girls befriended two guys who came in at 9th grade.

Just because the private high school you went to did not have these issues doesn't mean that they all don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is often challenging for kids who transfer into k-12 privates in 9th grade because social groups have been formed, and it’s hard to break in. Easier if you’re an athlete, or participate in theater or in something with an established group. If you march to your own drum, aren’t into parties, and aren’t an athlete, it is absolutely harder.

This. Kids have been together since first grade in some cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC had a lot of friends in elementary and middle school, but after transferring to a private HS, he seems to have a very limited social life. He doesn’t seem to mind and enjoys time with family and “doing his own thing.” I’ve been on campus and seen him goofing around with kids and he doesn’t seem ostracized, but it doesn’t translate into weekend invitations. He doesn’t drink or do drugs (prides himself on being healthy) and I know used to be teased for being “too straight.” He plays sports, but tends to prefer those that are solitary vs a team. I just worry. Is this normal for some kids to not care about being in a social group? He’s leaving for college next year and I’m hoping he’ll find more of a group he connects with there. Just looking for some thoughts from anyone who may be experiencing the same thing with their DC? I’m trying not to project my own experience onto him, but it’s hard...

My son is like this and I'm not worried at all. He gets great grades and spends a lot of time working out at the gym. He's not getting in trouble and is very mature. He's going places one day.

My son was like this in high school (not the working out, but he did have a sport). I did worry. That didn't help anyone, least of all him.