For those whose SOs constantly travel for work

[Anonymous]

How do you cope? It’s not a very healthy lifestyle...

[Anonymous]

I find things about her absence to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Are you talking about coping with kids/running the house, or maintaining a healthy marriage? And are you the DW or DH?

General consensus among the DWs I know is that things are actually much easier when their DH is out of town. The DHs I know usually get extra help when their DWs are out of town, from family, friends, neighbors, etc.

[Anonymous]

You have to analyze if the juice is worth the squeeze for your particular situation.

[Anonymous]

Meh. We just deal with it. Dh was deployed for a year and now is gone a weekend a month and random weeks here and there. About every 2 months. We have a shared calendar so I know and can plan. I also work but have a short commute. We have family help so on those weeks grandparents make and extra pickup from preschool and I have one day where I leave early and spend special time with my kid and one day where I call it lazy and we watch cartoons with dinner and have Mac and cheese.
We ft with daddy in the mornings or evenings depending on time zones. He is completely fully engaged when here and hates the travel time away so neither of us is resentful of the other. I get to make my own plans and decisions when he's not here (like hiring contractors for renovation, plumbers etc).

[Anonymous]

First, I get out of relationships with people who judge my lifestyle or marriage as unhealthy simply because DH travels for work.

Second, I’m a capable adult, and I know how to take care of myself and my children without someone holding my hand. So I do that.

Third, it makes the time that we’re all together even more valuable, so we appreciate it more and make good use of it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

[Anonymous]

I hate these types of posts that make it sound like families that have one partner who travels a lot are “unhealthy.” my Dh travels 2-3 nights a week—we are in constant communication and he is always FaceTiming the kids. When he is home he is super hands on. When I talk to friends whose spouses are here all week I am sometimes shocked to learn how little partnership there actually is.

[Anonymous]

I have a spouse who travels about 25-30% of the time for work. We've been doing this for 15 years or so. Happy to trade tips on how to make this work. Are there specific health concerns you have, OP?

[Anonymous]

What’s not “healthy”? Like what do you mean by that? Insufficient gym time, time zones, eating out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you cope? It’s not a very healthy lifestyle...

People providing for there family is so unhealthy. Everyone should sit in a cube and make the exact same amount.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see why it’s not healthy? I enjoy dh and I also enjoy him being gone. I’m proud of taking care of the kids (3,2 and infant) while working full time. I’m busy but love it because this is my life. I have surrounded myself with friends. Only my in-laws are local and they don’t visit or help when dh is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. We just deal with it. Dh was deployed for a year and now is gone a weekend a month and random weeks here and there. About every 2 months. We have a shared calendar so I know and can plan. I also work but have a short commute. We have family help so on those weeks grandparents make and extra pickup from preschool and I have one day where I leave early and spend special time with my kid and one day where I call it lazy and we watch cartoons with dinner and have Mac and cheese.
We ft with daddy in the mornings or evenings depending on time zones. He is completely fully engaged when here and hates the travel time away so neither of us is resentful of the other. I get to make my own plans and decisions when he's not here (like hiring contractors for renovation, plumbers etc).

Army brat here, and my husband travels often. I appreciate the example set by my practical, earnest and capable mom, who just went about her business when my dad was deployed a year at a time. No complaining, just a recognition that the work needed to get done and get on with it. I'm very appreciative that my husband isn't gone as long as my dad for hardship deployments, and I recognize my situation isn't anywhere near as hard as my mom's was.

In the earlier years when our three kids were all five and under, I hired evening sitter help (dinner prep, getting the kids bathed and to bed) because it was a lot for one person to manage given both sets of grandparents are out of state.

Now they are all elementary age and older, but I kept the evening sitter help so I can manage all the sports/music/extracurriculars without having to drag all three along.

I have my routine, and I like being the one in charge of the household/kids/dogs. It's a good set up for a type A, organized, dare I say bossy person like myself. It's actually harder when he works from home and the household rules (like no screentime during the week and early bedtimes) go out the window!

[Anonymous]

I am a DW who travels for work often. The nanny gets OT and the kids are thrilled to get the occasional pizza. I FaceTime read them to sleep nearly every night and DH turns off the light after they fall asleep.

[Anonymous]

When it’s frequent and normal it becomes part of the norm and you just deal with it. When my DH is home he is all in on being a dad and a husband so I can’t complain. He earns a lot of money and it’s a price we all have to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I get out of relationships with people who judge my lifestyle or marriage as unhealthy simply because DH travels for work.

Second, I’m a capable adult, and I know how to take care of myself and my children without someone holding my hand. So I do that.

Third, it makes the time that we’re all together even more valuable, so we appreciate it more and make good use of it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

you sound really defensive.

Op, my DH was in big law and while he didn’t travel much, he was still gone from home a ton and it definitely took its toll. Yes I’m a “capable adult” and he was “all in” when he was home, but it still wasn’t the relationship we wanted for ourselves or our kids, so he found a new job and it’s MUCH better.