Do something or stay out of it?
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Anonymous
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I have new neighbors who moved in about 6 months ago. It is a couple with two young children (oldest is only about 2.5-3, next is about 18-24 months) and the mom is pregnant. I have really only ever seen the mom as she comes outside to smoke frequently. She isn't particularly friendly and doesn't even acknowledge a hello sometimes.
Ever since the weather got better, she brings the two kids outside while she smokes. She often smokes multiple cigarettes so they are outside 15-20 minutes. She has toys for them in the front yard but the kids often take off. We live on a cul de sac so it isn't busy but the kids will run out onto the road or just through neighbors lawns. The mom gets very angry and yells and curses at them to get back. She will run after them eventually and drag them back but all the while yelling at them. She does not appear to care that the entire neighborhood can hear her. What made me post is the kids are currently dragging my lawn chairs off my front patio and down the driveway and she is screeching at them from her chair on her front porch. I am dreading a spring / summer of this but not sure what my options are. Any thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Wow. I am sorry, OP. Those poor kids... |
Anonymous
| Can you attach a wire cord to the chairs and attach that to something so the kids can’t drag them away? The mom doesn’t sound like she’d care if you asked her to keep the kids off your porch. |
Anonymous
| Are you upset about the children being on your porch and playing with your chairs? Or are you upset about the yelling and parenting? |
Anonymous
| So you decided to post here instead of tell the kids to leave your chairs alone? |
Anonymous
| I would just say, hey kids, please leave my chairs where they are. Thanks! |
Anonymous
| No doubt those poor children are getting abused. Is there a father in their home? |
Anonymous
| Not yet sure what to recommend, but I couldn’t just ignore the whole thing seeing there’s real trouble there for those poor children. This is really tragic. |
Anonymous
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Op here.
It isn't really about the chairs. Of course I can tell them to leave the chairs alone. This happens 3-5 times a day on weekends. Two hours before the chairs, her kids had run across my lawn and when she chased after them they kept going and she was right outside my front window hollering at them. She eventually had to go get them as they just kept running. Last week they were playing in my recycle bins that I had put out beside the house to take to the burb. One day I was unloading a carload from Costco, I had left my car door open as I was carrying heavy things in and came out to find one of the kids in my car. It is just going to be a summer of yelling, hollering and the kids getting into mischief. They are very young kids so other than trying to scare them away from my house, I think they are going to be around. There is a dad. He doesn't smoke and he works long hours so I don't see him much. I work too so I only really have to deal with this on weekends and the occasional evening. I have no idea if there is any abuse beyond the yelling and cursing. The kids run away laughing from her and don't seem phased at all by her yelling at them. They pay no attention to her at all when she is hollering at them. |
Anonymous
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Did you say anything when the kid got inside your car? If not, why not? If so, what did you say?
That was the last straw, OP. Young kids inside cars can create a tragedy very quickly. Maybe one time you leave the keys in the ignition for a second and a kid gets in the car with the engine on and bumps the gear stick and it rolls. Or the kid is playing hide and seek using your momentarily open car (or your car with the door shut but unlocked--plenty of three-year olds could manage to open some car doors), you lock it remotely with the key fob, never seeing the kid there, and and it's hot, or cold, outside....You see where this is heading. If you missed the opportunity to tell the mom that the kid was IN your car and it's dangerous and can't happen again--I'm really sorry you missed that opening. In our litigious world, if something happens to her kids on your property you could easily be legally liable. Some people don't believe that but depending on circumstances and locations, it's true. You can't make them move nor can you call the cops on them--no police are going to come out because a parent is doing a lousy job (unless there is immediate danger or you witness actual abuse or can base a complaint on noise levels with the yelling--but the first thing the cops will ask is whether you have tried to resolve it face to face with her). So: If you have a garage, use it religiously and never unload except inside your closed garage. Keep a close eye on the garage door in case a kid is inside. If you don't have one you'll have to be very careful with checking your car and locking it. A PP had a good idea about tethering the chairs to something they cannot move, and yes, you do need to become "that" neighbor who pops outside the instant they appear on your patio and says, "Sorry, it's not a place for you to play." Every single time even if you get sick of it. Send your DH out too to say the same. If you don't have a fence I'd look hard at getting one, though fencing in a front yard isn't really an option. There are motion-sensor sprinklers and sound devices sold to help homeowners deter stray cats and dogs from coming onto lawns. That's a tempting option though these kids might think it was fun to dash around setting sprinklers off so...maybe the alarm horn version.... |
Anonymous
| Fence |
Anonymous
Op here. The mom knew he was in the car. When I came back out of the house she was yelling at him from her porch to get out of the car. It was the younger kid and he just kept jumping around so she did come over and take him out. I was also telling him to get out of the car and not to play in the car. I didn't say much to her directly but she could see I was irritated. I don't have a garage. |
Anonymous
| You need to speak VERY FIRMLY to the children. DO NOT etc etc. No nice nice. These children will respond to firm statements |
Anonymous
| Where do you live on a cul de sac that you don’t have a garage? |
Anonymous
| I would move. |