How "traumatic" is changing schools?

[Anonymous]

DD is in Kindergarten and she (and we) really like her school so far. We live in a family-friendly townhouse neighborhood, but there's a lot of turnover so we don't have lasting neighborhood friendships: people leave. Most of DD's friends are from school, the scout troop at the school, and church.

DH and I want to have another child and move to a bigger home in the area, but all the homes in this school zone are small -- mostly townhouses; our realtor told us to give up. DH moved every two years growing up in a military family, so he is adamant that DD won't change schools. I feel like moving once in the local area is probably not that bad, but then I see the social confidence DD has at school and how many people she knows, and I hate to uproot her. Our friends who have made similar local moves for bigger homes and yards, report their kids having difficulty adjusting at school.

If you have experience with this, what do you think?

[Anonymous]

Well, we're military and I grew up military. I think that changing schools before 6th grade is fairly easy. It's more like an adventure and it can be fun meeting new people and getting to go to a new building. After 6th grade, I'm with your DH. We have tried very hard not to move our kids in middle school and beyond.

In short, I'd propose doing it as soon as you can and making it fun. Moving before 3rd grade is easy.

[Anonymous]

I think military brats who grow up go one way or the other: extreme sedentariness or being fine with or even craving change. Are you looking far away enough that you'd want to change churches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think military brats who grow up go one way or the other: extreme sedentariness or being fine with or even craving change. Are you looking far away enough that you'd want to change churches?

No, same church. Probably within 5 miles of the current house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we're military and I grew up military. I think that changing schools before 6th grade is fairly easy. It's more like an adventure and it can be fun meeting new people and getting to go to a new building. After 6th grade, I'm with your DH. We have tried very hard not to move our kids in middle school and beyond.

In short, I'd propose doing it as soon as you can and making it fun. Moving before 3rd grade is easy.

+1, from another military mom. I get where your dh is coming from, but a move now will not have a big impact. This is the time to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we're military and I grew up military. I think that changing schools before 6th grade is fairly easy. It's more like an adventure and it can be fun meeting new people and getting to go to a new building. After 6th grade, I'm with your DH. We have tried very hard not to move our kids in middle school and beyond.

In short, I'd propose doing it as soon as you can and making it fun. Moving before 3rd grade is easy.

I agree completely.

Our ES moves were fine. Middle school was a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we're military and I grew up military. I think that changing schools before 6th grade is fairly easy. It's more like an adventure and it can be fun meeting new people and getting to go to a new building. After 6th grade, I'm with your DH. We have tried very hard not to move our kids in middle school and beyond.

In short, I'd propose doing it as soon as you can and making it fun. Moving before 3rd grade is easy.

+1

My dad was military and got out when I was little. My brothers changed schools, I didn't. It really hurt my oldest brother.

Moving in elementary school can be fine, but it might take your DD a few years to rebuild. Moving in middle school isn't a good idea and moving in high school can be disastrous. Don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Not military, but I switched schools every single year from 5th to 9th grade because my mom had to move for training and jobs. I didn't like it, but I got over it.

[Anonymous]

I'm always amazed at the angst people have over this. Kid will be fine.
I think the only "rule" that people should have is not making kid move schools between junior and senior year of high school. Really any other move is fine.

[Anonymous]

I switched schools in mid elementary in an almost identical situation - smaller house, parents wanted bigger and couldn’t find one in the immediate neighborhood. We basically just moved one neighborhood over, but it was in a new elementary school zone. I adjusted really well and actually remember it as a positive time in our lives. Being the new kid in elementary school can actually be kind of fun. Sounds silly but I remember people being really intrigued by me and I made new friends easily. Our church and pool also stayed the same which helped and I had one friend from the pool who was at this new school. I’m still close with her today, so lots of good things happened from that move. Still close with 3 girls who I met in that second elementary school. Also when I went to middle school there were actually some from my old elementary there, so I actually knew more people. Just trying to say that this was all a very normal and positive thing. Every kid is different but if your daughter is fairly social and makes friends reasonably easily I think she would be just fine.

While I understand your husband wanting consistency for your daughter, constant moves in the military is very different than one elementary move. I very very strongly agree with others that once middle school hits this is a different ball game. Building some friends in elementary when kids are still young and a little less cliquey helps a lot. Also teachers help facilitate in elementary so it’s just important to do it then if you have the choice. I would do it OP!

[Anonymous]

We made this move with a 1st grader and middle schooler. We dreaded it and tried for years to find a house we were happy with in their existing school boundaries, but nothing. The perfect house eventually came on the market in an equally good school zone, and we bit the bullet and made the leap. It was practically a non event for the 1st grader. She made new friends immediately. It took longer for the middle schooler to really become comfortable with a new social group, but he eventually got there and was never unhappy.

It is nothing like repeatedly uprooting kids for move after move with the military or state department. I grew up as an army brat, so I know. Ideally you find a great place to settle where everyone is happy with their circumstances, and that includes you.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's only a big deal to a child of that age if you make it into a big deal.

[Anonymous]

13:43 pp here and just wanted to add if your husband really wants your kids to feel like they grew up in the same community, that kind of consistency, I just want to throw out that I 100% feel like I grew up in one community my whole childhood despite the move. There will still be a lot of consistency for your child especially since it sounds like you’ll stay at some of the same outside school activities. Do get her involved in some teams or activities that are directly linked with that school when you make the move though to help make those connections. One thing I think actually ended up being good but was probably a hard decision at the time was my parents didn’t try to keep us with one leg in the other community and one in the other. We also left the home daycare I’d been at for years when we moved and I started at the after school care at school for example even though they probably could have pulled off keeping us there since it wasn’t actually that far. Yes i remember being sad to leave my old caregiver but I really think it was for the best to fully integrate right away. I actually asked my mom recently why she did that (so random but was working on childcare decisions for my own kids). She just said that it wasn’t as convenient and seemed best to start our own new stuff. As I mentioned we were still in other things that were the same but not directly related to that neighborhood. Not sure if this makes any sense!

[Anonymous]

We are doing a move in June. DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 7. The last time we moved, DS2 was not in school yet, but he's a friendly, outgoing kid that makes friends easily. DS1 has ADHD and some anxiety. We have chosen the move to coincide with going to middle school. Since we will be moving back to the neighborhood that we came from, he will start middle school with many of the kids he knew from elementary school. They will all be new to the school, so they all will be in the same predicament. It helps that he will be in Boy Scouts and can make friends there as well.

[Anonymous]

I’ve moved about every three years my entire life. My kids have done the same. You can drop them anywhere and they’ll instantly make friends. Treat it like an adventure. Get the kids excited. I love our crazy, nomadic life!