How "traumatic" is changing schools?

[Anonymous]

I grew up as an Army brat. My mom kept me firmly planted at home with my great grandmother. It was so incredibly boring. It was a small town, and while it was very safe, there wasn't much to do. As an adult, I seem to get an itch every few years to move. Drives my mom crazy. She thinks that its bad for the kids, but that hasn't been my experience. They adapt and I do everything in my power to help them adapt.

[Anonymous]

I changed schools for 5th grade and it was rough. Really rough. DH and I agreed we would do everything in our power to make sure DD doesn't have to change schools after 2nd grade. She's also a very anxious child in general, it just wouldn't go well for her.

[Anonymous]

It might be a bit late now, but between k and 1st isn’t a huge deal - most of the kids in a first grade class don’t know each other yet! It’s also less of a big deal on the DMV where there is a lore transient population than in some areas where there are never other new kids to meet.

[Anonymous]

Kids do best with stability, consistency, and routine. These things can be achieved with moving but it is much harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always amazed at the angst people have over this. Kid will be fine.
I think the only "rule" that people should have is not making kid move schools between junior and senior year of high school. Really any other move is fine.

A lot of school districts have allowances for this anyway. In MCPS, within-district moves during 11th and 12th grade are one of the only times you will have no trouble at all getting a COSA automatically.

[Anonymous]

Can’t learn coping skills if you’ve never gone through anything. Change is a good learning experience.

[Anonymous]

I changed schools (public to private) as a 2nd grader. I was the only new student and loved it...but have always been extroverted and the new school was a much better fit for me.

[Anonymous]

Traumatic would be never changing schools your whole life!

[Anonymous]

Those would flourish best are extroverts who make friends easily. We moved 2.75 years ago. It was needed but my kids still miss the old spot and especially my oldest who entered 3rd when we moved and had some great friends in our old home/school.

Move once and move early on. Much better than later.

[Anonymous]

omg.. she's in K? She will adapt. Thousands of students from K - 12 switch schools every year. She will be fine.

I switched schools in 2nd grade; so did my DD. DH switched at 8th grade; my cousins switched at 7th and 2nd grade. We're all fine.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the child’s temperament and the culture of the receiving school. My two ES changes were traumatic for me because of the culture at the schools I transferred to. One had unwelcoming staff and students (I was one of two minority students). The other was simply overwhelmed by a highly transient student body. No effort was made/could be made to ensure new kids were settling in. It didn’t help that I had never been in public school before and even basic things like lunch line stymied me.

[Anonymous]

I get where your DH is coming from. My parents literally moved yearly and made us change schools every year up until 4th grade. Sure little kids adjust quick, but it still sucks for a while with each move to not know anyone etc. I was always jealous of the kids who'd been with the same group from k-12. She's in K now. Anyway you can buy your forever home + be moved in before Sept? That way she does 1st-12th in the same school? If you can't do that, I'd say, move ONCE. Don't move to some other temp house for 1st grade, only to buy your forever home in 3rd grade. If you must wait until 3rd grade to buy your forever home -- fine -- but let her have consistency for these next 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Below 4th grade it’s easy to adjust, just don’t move too many times if you can avoid it. Starting in 4th grade, you start to get into the “tween” years which can be rough socially. Also in late elementary is when differing qualities of education start to become apparent. A kid who was a great student at a so-so school might have trouble adjusting to a rich public school or private school where the expectations and requirements are higher. Also keep in mind if moving from a middle class to an upper middle or wealthy area that can be a big shock to a kid, even at a young age. Middle school is probably the hardest time to move, avoid if at all possible.

I personally started a new school in 2nd grade but didn’t move - went from the option Montessori-like school to the neighborhood school and it was fine. We moved in 4th from a lower middle class area to an upper middle class area and that sucked hard. Yes, the education was a lot better looking back on it, but it wasn’t worth my classmates singling me out for my hand me down clothes and my family’s small house. Then we moved again at the beginning of 8th and that also sucked but for different reasons - I wasn’t the poor kid anymore, but I had a hard time getting used to the smaller town, homogenous (we were somewhat weird for being Catholic!) slower pace of life. So a lot of it depends where you move.

[Anonymous]

I went to 5 elementary schools and 3 high schools. My brother had to switch before senior year. Yeah, it was traumatic, even moreso for him. It sucked. A lot. Especially the high school ones.

We did move once before DS started 3rd. I was super resistant, but it was needed. And he’s fine. I wouldn’t have done it any later in his schooling.

[Anonymous]

DD changed schools from K -1st, again during 1st, then after 2nd. She’s currently a third grader, and has gone through 4 schools. She has been fine with every move. She’s not particularly extroverted, either.

My brother and I also went through something similar, but between grades 7-11 (the final one was moving from a small town in India to a HS in the Bronx, for me). Other than the huge culture shock there at the end, we did fine as well. Neither of us are social butterflies, either.