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Would you be offended. . .
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Anonymous
| I have a male co-worker who often points out to me how tall I am (not sure if the comments are just based on height or also on weight-realistically I'm about 8 pounds over MY ideal weight, my current BMI is in normal range). I am hurt by his comments, typically we joke around and respect each other's intellect and work, I'm not sure how to take or respond to these comments. I know I'm a tall woman, but I don't need this pointed out to me by my shorter male co-worker. I have life-long body image issues so I wonder if I should just let it go or find some way to ask him to stop his comments which make me feel like a HUGE looming amazonian woman. |
Anonymous
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Technically you could sue him and the company for sexual harassment. In fact, you should write it up in a memo and submit to HR and your boss.
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Anonymous
| Unless this guy is a complete tool , I can't imagine he would make these comments if he thought you were actually overweight. My guess is, like most women, you are way more sensitive to that issue that others are. I think you should just try to let it go, I don't think it's meant to be hurtful. That being said, I am also tall, and unfortunately MORE than 8 pounds over weight, so I feel your pain. If you feel you really can't let it go, tell him it bugs you and you'd like him to stop. |
Anonymous
| I have been ridiculed all my life for being too thin. I can't think of a way to let people know that any comment about someone's stature is rude, even if they think it is a complement or that the person ( that they criticize) doesn't mind. |
Anonymous
| just like PP, I am tall and very thin and have often wondered if people thought their comments were really just flat out critical or not? I mean, you wouldn't go on and on about how fat someone was, would you? nor how short (if a man)? hang in there, much empathy. i think most people think it's socially acceptable fwiw but I completely feel your pain. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you should start making fun of him being short-- |
Anonymous
Employment lawyer says: No, this is not sexual harassment. It's not even gender harassment. The Supreme Court has stated that Title VII is not a "general civility code" that is going to regulate all negative workplace behavior. Unless the behavior is truly offensive, repetitive, harassing sexual behavior, it is not sexual harassment. Nor can liability be imputed to an employer for behavior the employer knows nothing about. However, I think a word with HR could, eventually, be in order. BEFORE you do that, you need to say to your colleague, with a very serious look on your face, at a very serious time and place -- closed door -- "I would like you to stop commenting on my height. It makes me very self conscious. Thank you for respecting my wishes." IF he does not stop, then go to HR. I say IF because if he stops, problem solved. If you involve management and HR without seeing if you can resolve this problem on your own, I think you are going to ruin your relationship with your colleague. |
Anonymous
Seriously though, he probably is just intimidated by his own shortness next to you. Eight lbs. hardly seems like an amount to be sensitive about. In fact, if you know you are exactly 8 lbs. over your ideal then you are probably paying way to much attention to your weight. |
Anonymous
| Some men like taller women. Maybe he just has a little workplace crush on you and is handling it high school-style. |
Anonymous
| pp might be right, but some how op has to work this out. I wouldn't be too aggressive at first. |
Anonymous
OP here-I think I'm oversensitive about weight & height as (1) I grew up always fighting the scale and the 8 pounds is the last to go after losing about 25 over the past year, esp.since I can't blame it on baby weight as my "baby" is 2; and (2) I grew up in a small town where I was the one who stuck out from my peers, I'm tall and blonde, most in my community were shorter, brunettes with brown eyes. Perhaps he has some insecurity, don't know (it probably doesn't help that I often where a 2 inch heels, making me about 5 inches taller than him). I'd NEVER go to HR, I don't feel like it is such a problem that it warrants formal action. The next time a comment is made about my height, I'll just mention that it bothers me, I think he's sensitve enough to get it. Thanks to all the PPs. I love to hear such great advice from other people who have had similar issues. |
Anonymous
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tall/skinny PP here -- you also (just my 2cents) might want to make a joke about it. like, I know i am a (fill in self deprecating comment here, a la skyscraper) but I really wish you'd cut me some slack... it's hard to hear about all the time. seeing as you have to still work with him...
anyways, I totally feel you (even if it *is* the other person's insecurity it is still no fun for you to deal with) |
Anonymous
| are you friends with him? if so i definitely wouldn't sue for goodness sakes! if you are "friends" try making a point through joking. joking has never been my forte in this sort of thing but i know people who are totally skilled at getting their point across through joking. try that first. i'm sure he means well and most people only joke with people they actually like and feel comfortable with. |
Anonymous
| He probably thinks it's a compliment. Those of us who are average height would LOVE to be tall and don't think of it as possibly being an insult to remark that someone else is tall! |
Anonymous
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I agree with the posters that says he's probably insecure about his height; thinks he's flattering you; but needs to stop. It doesn't matter if it's just because you're "overly sensitive." If he's a friend, just tell him how it makes you feel. "I know you don't mean it this way, but it makes me feel..."
Also, another employment lawyer here, this is not actionable harassment. Not even close, not in a million years. |