"Dating" among tweens

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 6th grader. So some of the kids are almost 13 (early fall bdays). Some are starting to "Date." This appears to be very little more than public declarations on social media, on the playground, via text, etc. Some are starting to meet up at movies together. My DC is not necessarily there yet. Actually, the majority aren't. But there are a vocal few that are, and everyone knows it. Some are even starting to run each others' noses in it (e.g. A likes B, B knows it, B likes C, and B can't help but rub his "relationship" in A's face.) This is 6th grade. I know this mostly from checking my DC's phone (& seeing the posts), hearing the kids talk among themselves, and what DC tells me.

So, I'm curious what are your rules for 6th graders "dating"? What do you tell your kids who are "dating" or maybe your kids who aren't and "no one likes [me]"? I'm just trying to gauge if I'm on the right path with my messaging. I find this all a bit hyper emotional (them not me) given the prevalence of social media and texting that was NOT around when I was this age? And to the small number of parents who encourage dating at this age - they exist, and I'm not judging just trying to understand- why?
Thanks.

And no comments about the social media please. That is a different issue and one that is, at least in our school, moot. The VAST majority of the kids have a phone and are on SM. I check my DC's religiously and, while it may not be ideal, DC has so far shown restraint and good behavior on it. I'm just not interested in this devolving into a discussion about that topic.

[Anonymous]

Unacceptable until 10th grade.

[Anonymous]

If you can't drive it's a playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't drive it's a playdate.

Yes, yes. Hard line "rules" and funny observations are nice. But, I"d like to hear from everyone else.

[Anonymous]

I have kids ranging from 5th-1st year in college and from my experience, in MS they just "date." They "date" many different people and often not for more than a few days or weeks. Going on a date was going with a group of friends to the movies or the local bowling alley/arcade.

MS dating is just awkward... hormones are telling them they are interested in another person, but their elementary school "ew boys/ew girls" mentality is still hanging in there.

When I was a parent chaperone at the 8th grade dance last year, only a handful of boys and girls actually danced one-on-one. And these were the kids who were in "serious" relationships, meaning they'd been together for months not weeks, lol. The other kids just danced in little groups, solo, or with friends. Or just stood around and hung out.

My rules for my tweens and "dating": no solo dates and don't expect 100% privacy on these "dates." I've dropped my tween at the mall for a "date" and then followed from a distance to make sure things were G or PG. Normal SM and phone rules apply. Normal house rules about no bedroom doors closed when friends are over.

IA with what someone above said... it's not dating until you can drive yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't drive it's a playdate.

LMAO

[Anonymous]

I posted a similar question. Mall meet ups fine in 6th and 7th with a group. No one on one dates including movies until 8th

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't drive it's a playdate.

You don’t have “play dates” with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

1. Someone who has an early fall birthday is not “almost” 13. October is 5 months away.

2. No dating until 11th grade. 6th graders do not meet up with one other person at a movie. My 7th grader doesn’t and won’t until 11th grade.

3. You have permission to judge these parents who allow their child to meet with another child alone at the movies for a date. That said, I would also take anything reported by 6th graders with a grain of salt. Having taught that grade for over 10 years, I know how prone they can be to exaggeration and misinterpretation.

[Anonymous]

I don’t share all their religious strictures, but I think the Duggar approach to dating is pretty wise.

[Anonymous]

Good luck with your rules PP - you will just end up with lying, sneaky teens (oh wait, that's most teens anyway)

I have 2 HS teens, 9th and a junior. In MS, dating meant nothing more than using the word dating and texting the other person a lot. They never saw each other outside of school because my kids are busy! In HS, many date. My Jr has been with her boyfriend since freshman year. My freshman has no interest in dating anyone. Since neither have a car, and are both busy with a sport and an activity, they spend most of their time together at our house or his house (always with a parent home - that is our rule).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't drive it's a playdate.

You don’t have “play dates” with your spouse?

My mom doesn’t drive me.

[Anonymous]

Two of my kids started dating in 6th grade. Dating meant texting but never acknowledging each other in real life. Or playing video games together. Not even phone calls or FaceTimes. It’s cute. But meaningless. Nothing that made me think I needed to impose rules or have guidelines.

[Anonymous]

I told my 6th Grader that she’s not allowed to date, for a few reasons.

Kids did this when I was in Middle School and it was never good news. The girl often got made out to be a slut for some reason, even if they were not kidding or anything....probably boys acting cool and girls being jealous, and I learned they were just rumors as an adult, so that’s how true they seemed to me.

Some kids did hook up, and I don’t think Middle School is an appropriate age for real sexual activity. There were pregnant girls in my Middle School and that isn’t common, but if kids are having sex than some tamer activity doesn’t seem like a big deal.

It’s easier to opt out than play the game. At that age it seems all a game. I’ve told her this. She’s been hit on already, so hopefully she doesn’t feel unattractive.

If it’s going to be a real relationship it will be an option in High School, and I am not terrified that she will miss out. I didn’t date in High School also I don’t think a teenage relationship is the most important thing in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my 6th Grader that she’s not allowed to date, for a few reasons.

Kids did this when I was in Middle School and it was never good news. The girl often got made out to be a slut for some reason, even if they were not kidding or anything....probably boys acting cool and girls being jealous, and I learned they were just rumors as an adult, so that’s how true they seemed to me.

Some kids did hook up, and I don’t think Middle School is an appropriate age for real sexual activity. There were pregnant girls in my Middle School and that isn’t common, but if kids are having sex than some tamer activity doesn’t seem like a big deal.

It’s easier to opt out than play the game. At that age it seems all a game. I’ve told her this. She’s been hit on already, so hopefully she doesn’t feel unattractive.

If it’s going to be a real relationship it will be an option in High School, and I am not terrified that she will miss out. I didn’t date in High School also I don’t think a teenage relationship is the most important thing in the world.

+1. And the same things are happening now. It's exactly the same nowadays. My kids may not date until high school - tenth grade probably.