Depression/suicide thoughts. Want to handle this right

[Anonymous]

17-year old DS has been treated for ADHD since 4th grade. This fall, he expressed that something changed in him when we made a med change, and he felt that his ADHD meds were making him depressed. We made med changes back to his original med, but he felt even going back to his old med he was feeling waves of depression. We made the decision with the doctor to take him off meds. He said that he felt so much better, even months later as I was asking on a regular basis. Our pediatrician advised it may not be the meds, so we needed to keep an eye on him.

Over the weekend, he was not seeming himself and expressed to me that he had been having waves of depression for about a month. I called the pediatrician who felt it was time to see a therapist/psychologist. I've been working on that.

Today, I got a call at school from a counselor that he'd been sent to her when a favorite teacher saw he was upset, began a conversation with him, and decided he needed to see the counselor. During a 1-hour meeting with the counselor, he talked about the depression, and also how he'd had wondering if life was worth living. She reiterated that he said many times he said he'd had no real plans, the thought just popped into his head quite a few times. The one thing he did say that freaked me out was that he had a thought while driving one day, "what if I just ran off the road." But he said he did not actually think about doing it. That comment scared me.

DH and I went to pick him up together. He chose to stay after seeing the counselor to go to a rehearsal that he very much looks forward to. We took him for a ride just to talk. It seems as if we have a combination of depression feelings, school stress and the end of an online "relationship" that we were not aware of. Apparently that ended a few weeks ago.

I have many feelers out for referrals and will make many calls tomorrow. After we talked, he seemed much better. If I thought it was necessary, I'd immediately bring him somewhere (hospital, etc) now but he seems good and said he wants to go to school and work tomorrow. He will be seeing a counselor as soon as I can get him in, but I'll seek a hospital if things change.

Beyond consulting a counselor, we've also contacted his math teacher about a tutor. She replied tonight and I've been in touch with the tutor. He's also amenable to going in to his math teacher's office hours on a regular basis. He was feeling like he was failing in spite of a B+ average in a IM HL1 math class. He's doing poorly this quarter and felt it was getting too big to overcome.

We also talked about how too much time behind screens and not out in the real world is known to contribute to depression. He has friends, and agrees it is a good idea to make efforts to see them more in person as opposed to playing online.

He expressed very clearly the things we do that contribute to his stress such as hitting him with questions about grades, etc right when he gets home, getting distracted from his own work trying to help his brother (who has high-functioning autism) stay on task, which gets him off-task. There were a few others but we told him we'd try to make changes too.

What else am I missing that I should do?

Scary day

[Anonymous]

Sounds really tough, OP. Maybe see if he wants to have a friend over this weekend for dinner, or something. I’d definitely do what you can to reduce the screen time.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a great parent, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a great parent, OP!

I was just thinking the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Amazing how much he expressed and talked to you. That's key!!

[Anonymous]

OP here. You are all too kind. Honestly, I've been feeling like a terrible parent that he felt bad for a month, and I only noticed this weekend. Today, when I got the call at work, I thought it was a call back. I had emailed his counselor Sunday night, right after the depression discussion. Counselor said he was a bit upset when he found out she had to call me, but I think he seemed relieved to get things off his chest. A suicide attempt by a classmate in the grade above him last weekend I think also made him really scared. When he felt upset/overwhelmed today, and his teacher saw it, pulled him aside, and then encouraged him to see the counselor, I guess he got the chance to get out all he'd been holding in.

[Anonymous]

And of course sleep eludes me. I've checked all 3 kids multiple times. Oldest still awake reading. He may have just told me "if you want me to fall asleep, maybe stop asking questions?, no offense mom."

[Anonymous]

OP, I was put on an antidepressant for ADHD and it gave me thoughts about running my car off bridges, things like that. Is he on any meds right now at all?

Is he exercising regularly? Exercise is a great help. I would ask his pediatrician to do a blood test and see how his vitamin D is too. Low vitamin D is linked to depression and it is very simple to take supplements.

I would back off the grades and homework and not ask him any of these things after school. I think getting him in to therapy is a great idea. Also, having a sibling with a s/n like HFA is a big deal. He may benefit from ongoing therapy because it is just hard (no one's fault, but how it is).

Good luck. You are a good mom.

[Anonymous]

00:20 here - don't feel bad you did not notice he was sad for the last month. Teenagers are notoriously secretive. Remember the show Joan of Arcadia, and how the character didn't even tell her parents that God was coming around talking to her. The producer had a teenage daughter and was like, that is the most believable part of the show actually...

[Anonymous]

I’m the parent of a child who has attempted suicide many times and fortunately has never been successful. A couple of things that I’ve found key to managing, besides a psychiatrist and a counselor, are a regular schedule, adequate sleep and exercise. Sleep is key and if he doesn’t have good sleep hygiene you might want to discuss with your psychiatrist or get a sleep consultant.

One other thing. I have an equally open relationship with my son and I was shocked at how long the suicidal thoughts were happening before i knew about it. I think it’s really hard to tell that line between thoughts and actions, especially where there is ADHD , which adds impulsivity into the picture. So I guess what I’m saying is this. Don’t wait to consult professionals because you think everything is ok. And every attempt my son had was things were going great so each one was a major shock to everyone around him.

You are doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the parent of a child who has attempted suicide many times and fortunately has never been successful. A couple of things that I’ve found key to managing, besides a psychiatrist and a counselor, are a regular schedule, adequate sleep and exercise. Sleep is key and if he doesn’t have good sleep hygiene you might want to discuss with your psychiatrist or get a sleep consultant.

One other thing. I have an equally open relationship with my son and I was shocked at how long the suicidal thoughts were happening before i knew about it. I think it’s really hard to tell that line between thoughts and actions, especially where there is ADHD , which adds impulsivity into the picture. So I guess what I’m saying is this. Don’t wait to consult professionals because you think everything is ok. And every attempt my son had was things were going great so each one was a major shock to everyone around him.

You are doing great.

This. We are dealing with this as well, same age. OP you are doing very similar things to what we are. A good psychiatrist is key. Luckily I spent time on vetting them because we have other medical issues going on and we found a good match. I hope the same for you. We found one that does counseling and doesn't just do a 15 minute pill visit. Of course, this is all out of pocket. If possible, I recommend finding one that does counseling or find a good counselor/psychologist knowing that you'll still need a psychiatrist. Hugs - I know how scary this is. Ours made an attempt. It is terrifying, especially since boys will not communicate and find illnesses of the brain to be a personal failing thanks to our culture.

[Anonymous]

We went through this with our adhd son -- sounds very similar. ADHD and depression are often comorbid so it's likely not related to the adhd meds. Get him a therapist and strongly consider an antidepressant. And talk, talk, talk.

It can get better. Have hope, and don't beat yourself up. Teens hide this stuff well, and now you know and will move heaven and earth for him.

[Anonymous]

PP here and I don't mean to be alarmist but hide your knives and throw out your pills. Get rid of any guns if you have them. Many suicide attempts are very impulsive acts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here and I don't mean to be alarmist but hide your knives and throw out your pills. Get rid of any guns if you have them. Many suicide attempts are very impulsive acts.

Yes be sure to take away opportunity. That helps with impulsive acts. But don’t fool yourself - if your child is intent, it will happen. I won’t even begin to tell you the things we experienced. My point is that people lull themselves into believing they have things covered when knives, guns and medications are out of the picture. But, there is no way to really safety proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the parent of a child who has attempted suicide many times and fortunately has never been successful. A couple of things that I’ve found key to managing, besides a psychiatrist and a counselor, are a regular schedule, adequate sleep and exercise. Sleep is key and if he doesn’t have good sleep hygiene you might want to discuss with your psychiatrist or get a sleep consultant.

One other thing. I have an equally open relationship with my son and I was shocked at how long the suicidal thoughts were happening before i knew about it. I think it’s really hard to tell that line between thoughts and actions, especially where there is ADHD , which adds impulsivity into the picture. So I guess what I’m saying is this. Don’t wait to consult professionals because you think everything is ok. And every attempt my son had was things were going great so each one was a major shock to everyone around him.

You are doing great.

This. We are dealing with this as well, same age. OP you are doing very similar things to what we are. A good psychiatrist is key. Luckily I spent time on vetting them because we have other medical issues going on and we found a good match. I hope the same for you. We found one that does counseling and doesn't just do a 15 minute pill visit. Of course, this is all out of pocket. If possible, I recommend finding one that does counseling or find a good counselor/psychologist knowing that you'll still need a psychiatrist. Hugs - I know how scary this is. Ours made an attempt. It is terrifying, especially since boys will not communicate and find illnesses of the brain to be a personal failing thanks to our culture.

Would you be willing to share psychiatrist name?