Bullying based on religion

[Anonymous]

I'm not quite getting the action I had hoped from 10-year-old daughter's school and wondering what others think. I'll try to be concise. FYI, this is a public school, not in the DC area (we used to live there) so I feel OK with a little bit of detail here:

1. A week and a half ago, daughter's best friends in her classroom find out she doesn't go to church. They continue questioning her, finding out she's not Christian. They jointly (two of them) decide they can't be friends with her anymore because she's not Christian.
2. They spread it around the classroom "telephone style" trying to get other kids to diss her too, saying she's a ghost worshipper, etc..
3. They continue it out to the playground, now targeting her very best friends (in other classrooms) trying to get them to not be friends with her.

I call the teacher, alert him that I'll be contacting the principal, which I do the next day. Long story short, they start a "bully investigation" and confirm DD's account, after interviewing 18 kids who were "confronted" by these two girls. They put into action a separation policy of my daughter from the girls, but don't separate the girls which I asked for.

That doesn't work. They keep ganging up on her, approaching her as a duo to try to intimidate her. I call another meeting with the principal, the vice principal who conducted the investigation, and her teacher. I said their plan isn't working, what's the next step, that I want the duo separated as well. I believe strongly that they are emboldened by one another and feed off each other. They don't care. All along the way they keep telling me that they can't say what other punishment the girls received since they're minors and it's against regulation. Whatever. I don't care as long as the punishment works to stop the behavior. All they do as a next step is promise that the girls will have to sign a "no contact contract," including my daughter. They don't follow through on it, FYI, but that's all they do.

It doesn't work. The bullying has continued, and yesterday they ganged up on her again. They followed her at lunch, and continued to sit next to her while she kept getting up and moving, saying they can sit wherever they want. I'm wondering where the hell the enforcement of this separation policy is, because they seem to have free rein to confront her when they're outside the classroom, which isn't supposed to happen. They are supposed to be strictly prohibited from sitting with her at lunch, during PE, etc.

I have another call in based on the incident yesterday, but wondering - am I missing something in terms of getting through to the principals OR should I just see if this dies out? I don't think it will die out, but just wondering how far would you all take this? What would any of you do in this situation? I feel like I'm coming across as the irritation when I just went them to enforce what they said they would do at the very least, and for this bullying to stop.

[Anonymous]

I think evil kids just pick a “target” child, and finds whatever to harass them. Don’t know what to suggest, but don’t give up. Your kid needs you. This should not be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Keep up the pressure. You're doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

I think your kid should play at this too. Tell them she is a ghost-worshipper, and she's gonna ask her Gods to curse these kids or something.

I'm so sorry she's going through this. People can be shit. But the school has to put an end to it because this shouldn't happen on school grounds.

[Anonymous]

It's not up to you to decide that the duo should be separated from one another.

I agree that you should continue to talk to the school about the harassing behavior. Step it up and move from calls to meetings. Make a note of every instance where the girls are violating the no contact contract and ask the school principal what s/he is doing about it. Consider moving your child if the behavior continues and drastically affects her social life beyond these kids.

Talk to your child about how to respond when confronted with this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think evil kids just pick a “target” child, and finds whatever to harass them. Don’t know what to suggest, but don’t give up. Your kid needs you. This should not be allowed.

I agree that OP should continue advocating for her child, but please don't call kids evil.

[Anonymous]

Do you have the parent's numbers/emails in the school directory? Call them directly if the school has failed to stop the issue.

I remember when I was bullying a girl in ES (not proud of it but I was a bully at one point) the girl's mom called my mom and, well I'll just say I stopped after that. If the girls' mothers are decent people they will put a stop to it. Chances are at least one of their mothers are decent.

You are right the girls are feeding off each other and will continue until it is properly addressed.

Side note - it is far fetched but maybe they are being taught faulty doctrine at their church where they aren't supposed to associate with non Christians? Do you know if they go to a crazy church? If that's the case just keep your daughter away from them as their whole family is probably nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep up the pressure. You're doing the right thing.

+1 I think you're saying the right things ("plan isn't working, what's the next step" and the focus on "stop the behavior" and asking the school to follow through).

How large of a school system is this? Given that your school administration is still struggling to bring this situation under control, are there any school system or other resources they could/should be accessing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think evil kids just pick a “target” child, and finds whatever to harass them. Don’t know what to suggest, but don’t give up. Your kid needs you. This should not be allowed.

I agree that OP should continue advocating for her child, but please don't call kids evil.

Tormenting another child like this is evil. This is how evil adults start out, you know. It’s painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think evil kids just pick a “target” child, and finds whatever to harass them. Don’t know what to suggest, but don’t give up. Your kid needs you. This should not be allowed.

I agree that OP should continue advocating for her child, but please don't call kids evil.

Tormenting another child like this is evil. This is how evil adults start out, you know. It’s painful.

This is like the "bad kid" vs "kid with bad behavior" argument. Their actions are evil but the kids aren't necessarily evil.

OP, sorry you're dealing with this. Must be so hard on your daughter. Keep pushing and hopefully you will get some resolution. At my school those girls would be in the principal's office or suspended with their parents involved.

[Anonymous]

This is bad, but the kids are likely getting this from church. I grew up in the deep south and was not christian. It is a really different mindset than living in this area.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. recognize that, it is possible that the administration doesn't really understand and/or thinks you/your child are going to hell too (or the kids parents...and they could be otherwise 'normal,' educated, lovely people). I mean, I seriously had someone ask me if i had horns as a jewish person and meant it. Like they were not being mean but had been taught in church that Jews had horns.

however, the administration should (and i assume will) understand the bullying behavior and that i needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

Keep a document detailing every incident. Don't just call; email to create a paper trail. Be clear about the ways in which the plan they outlined is not being enforced, and what you want--them to enforce the plan to keep the girls away from your daughter. Tell them that if you don't see improvement in X time, you are taking it up to the school district. It's okay to be irritating--your daughter is being subjected to repeated harassment during school hours, and the school isn't stopping it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have the parent's numbers/emails in the school directory? Call them directly if the school has failed to stop the issue.

I remember when I was bullying a girl in ES (not proud of it but I was a bully at one point) the girl's mom called my mom and, well I'll just say I stopped after that. If the girls' mothers are decent people they will put a stop to it. Chances are at least one of their mothers are decent.

You are right the girls are feeding off each other and will continue until it is properly addressed.

Side note - it is far fetched but maybe they are being taught faulty doctrine at their church where they aren't supposed to associate with non Christians? Do you know if they go to a crazy church? If that's the case just keep your daughter away from them as their whole family is probably nuts.

OP here. I don't have the contact information. There's no school or class directory. When it first started, one of the girls' moms wanted to reach out to us but the school declined to give out our information because they want to handle it as a school matter. They are so tight-lipped and protective of the bullies' privacy that I have no idea what has even been communicated to the parents at this point.

The school called and they said they "technically" didn't violate anything yesterday because they "technically" told my daughter's friend that they can do what they want, and didn't speak directly to her.

I think I'll continue to move this up and will request a meeting with the superintendent because these guys just aren't getting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have the parent's numbers/emails in the school directory? Call them directly if the school has failed to stop the issue.

I remember when I was bullying a girl in ES (not proud of it but I was a bully at one point) the girl's mom called my mom and, well I'll just say I stopped after that. If the girls' mothers are decent people they will put a stop to it. Chances are at least one of their mothers are decent.

You are right the girls are feeding off each other and will continue until it is properly addressed.

Side note - it is far fetched but maybe they are being taught faulty doctrine at their church where they aren't supposed to associate with non Christians? Do you know if they go to a crazy church? If that's the case just keep your daughter away from them as their whole family is probably nuts.

OP here. I don't have the contact information. There's no school or class directory. When it first started, one of the girls' moms wanted to reach out to us but the school declined to give out our information because they want to handle it as a school matter. They are so tight-lipped and protective of the bullies' privacy that I have no idea what has even been communicated to the parents at this point.

The school called and they said they "technically" didn't violate anything yesterday because they "technically" told my daughter's friend that they can do what they want, and didn't speak directly to her.

I think I'll continue to move this up and will request a meeting with the superintendent because these guys just aren't getting it.

Yeah, if they are pulling the "technically" crap, I'd move up the chain. The school isn't interested in fixing this, they just want to say they tried.

[Anonymous]

This also sounds like it's bordering on religious discrimination and/or has the potential to escalate to a hate crime. Is the school treating you differently than they would a Christian? Is the fact that your daughter had been targeted likely to make her the target of vandalism or worse? Not sure what religion you are, but as a Jew or a Muslim I'd be worried if I lived in certain places in the country and my kid was being targeted. I would escalate this sooner rather than later.