Tell me the funniest car jocke you know.

[Anonymous]

I am feeling bit frustrated shopping for a new car and if you are too, how about having some fun to take mind off of it a bit.

Here is few to get us started:


A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck because the bed of his truck is full of ducks. The officer says, “Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”
The old man confirms that he will and drives off. The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of ducks. Only this time all the ducks are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls him over again and yells, “I told you to take these ducks to the Zoo!”
The old man replies, “I did! But now the little buggers want to go to the beach!”

An man buys a sports car and is really beginning to enjoy it when he sees flashing lights in the rear view mirror. He guns it and is rapidly up to 160mph when he realizes what he is doing. He slows down, then pulls over and soon the cop pulls up behind him.
The cop comes up to the window and asks, “What were you thinking, taking off like that?”
“Well,” the man replies after thinking about it for a bit, “a few years ago a highway patrol officer ran off with my wife.”
“What does that have to do with anything.”
“I thought you were bringing her back.”

So there’s this snail, and he’s really tired of being slow, so he goes to the nearest Renault dealer and buys one. He has them paint a big red S on the side, (for Snail) so everyone will see him and, marveling at his new speedier lifestyle, exclaim “Sacré bleu! Look at that S-car-go!”

Why do chicken coupes have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors they’d be a chicken sedan


I had an uncle who had the most bizarre fixation back in the day- he would drink brake fluid. Maybe back in those days it was less toxic than it is today, because he never expired of it, but we were always worried about him doing it.
I remember one time my dad told him that he was addicted and needed to cut it out, that it was bad for him.
My uncle replied “Nonsense, I can stop anytime.”


A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?” The young man replies, “A 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. They cost about a quarter of a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do over 200 miles an hour!” states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?” “Sure,” replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 220 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!” the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! The moped plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says,
“You gotta tell me how you got that thing to be faster than my Ferrari !” The old man looks up and replies, “OK..., but first, unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, will ya?”

[Anonymous]

Few one liners:

I work to buy a car to go to work.

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until Siri said, "In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out."

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"

My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, and accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

Last Father's Day my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.

Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory couldn't park nowhere near the place.

What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Saw this one on very old rusty VW Beatle. Hilarious and a prefect fit.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Saw a cool dog sticker. It was an outline of a golden retriever looking out the window. Then in the rear passenger seat, the dog was actually there, looking out the window.