Depressed/angry spouse

[Anonymous]

*Obscuring gender here intentionally*

My spouse feels really stuck with where they are at work. I get it and while I don't agree 100% I am certainly willing to listen -- to a point.

I have been listening to the same bitching and moaning since they didn't get promoted six months ago and I'm just kind of done. I've also listened to it every time it hasn't happened until it does. I don't want to be, but I have literally nothing to offer but a silent audience or some weak sort of affirmation which actually ends up pissing them off b/c they think I am being patronizing.

It would be one thing if this was confined to a few minutes conversation about "stuff," but it's not. It's like a 20 minute speech on the injustices or the world, and if my responses aren't perfect, or God forbid, if there's any level of need to do anything else - hey! the house is burning down! - it's taken as a personal affront.

This is probably happening at least two times a week, sometimes more.

They are in an intense study course so I've been trying to make allowances but I am picking up all the slack - they literally pay no bills, book nothing for house maintenance, etc.

Two moments from the weekend: 1) when picking up food for kids and asking if I wanted anything and I said I'd like a large Diet Coke, refused and said that was stupid and a waste (tween daughter came to me later and said she felt sorry for me); 2) couldn't be bothered and was totally annoyed when tween daughter knocked on door of office to show her Easter dress.


I so, so, so wish I had made the break some 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Leave or deal with it. You bitching about it won’t do anything.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. It’s so hard dealing with, and occasionally bearing the brunt of, someone else anger and dissatisfaction with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. It’s so hard dealing with, and occasionally bearing the brunt of, someone else anger and dissatisfaction with life.

Thanks. This morning, a simple question of do you have x thing b/c I'm going to need to use it today resulted in me being cursed out and told to shut my f-ing mouth. It's just great.

This is a pattern with them getting really stressed, but I'm tired of everyone walking on eggshells. In some ways I want to divorce, but even the whisper of that causes my older kid massive anxiety. I'm just not sure how much more I can be expected to put up with here.

I don't even know how to react to this morning. The everyday, casual nastiness is one thing. I guess I've gotten used to that.

I know the silent treatment is immature, but it's not like talking is going to do any good. In they're mind, the blame is squarely on me for making a "demand when I should know not to ask. And to be clear, this was not something like fill out this 12 page form before you leave for work in five minutes. It was more along the lines of, do you have your Costco card handy.