Feeling really insecure about marriage since becoming pregnant with third child

[Anonymous]

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and just recently quit my job to stay home with our 1 and a half year old daughter. My husband works a lot and even when he's not, he always finds something to do with his friends. He rarely comes home until late in the day. When he is home, he's not helpful. He usually just sits and watches tv. The children annoy him very easily. It's like he hates spending time with us. He never goes anywhere with us and never involves us in anything.

At the end of the month, he's finally getting his driver's license. He's always used cabs or his friends would pick him up. He's planning on getting a really nice car and I'm feeling slightly jealous/insecure. He already is never home, now I know he's going to find any reason to drive somewhere. I feel like he'll get so much more attention now that he has a car and so much more freedom to do things. And I'll be stuck driving a mini van with 3 kids and no freedom.

It just sucks. I'm sure it's my hormones but it's all really stressing me out.

Any advice on how to deal with these emotions?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're married to a 17 year old boy.

He's irritable and prefers to spend his time outside of the home. What else do you need to know?

[Anonymous]

You need to go back to work. Your marriage doesn’t sound very stable.

[Anonymous]

Were the kids your idea? Stories like yours are why I'm not bearing children for any man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to go back to work. Your marriage doesn’t sound very stable.

+1

There are so many issues in your post there's no way to address them all. But yeah, you need to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Was he like this with the previous two kids? If so that’s in your for having a third with this loser. Did he want the third? It sounds like he didn’t want the first two. Quitting your job is a huge mistake. You are dependent on a man who doesn’t want to be in the same house with you or interact with his kids. He may not be cheating yet but when he does you will have to turn the other cheek if you don’t have a way to support your self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were the kids your idea? Stories like yours are why I'm not bearing children for any man.

No, he actually wanted children more than I did. He just thinks we're living in the 60's and feels the woman does everything at home and for the kids.

[Anonymous]

It's not just the hormones, your husband sounds like a bad spouse and parent, frankly. You're willingly picking up the slack for now, and it sounds like you may be turning a blind eye to his extracurriculars. How sustainable is it, though? I agree you should go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were the kids your idea? Stories like yours are why I'm not bearing children for any man.

No, he actually wanted children more than I did. He just thinks we're living in the 60's and feels the woman does everything at home and for the kids.

Then why did you have 3 kids with him. Just full stop. You are responsible for this mess. Three kids with a man that doesn't drive? Three kids with a man that does not want to spend time with you. This post cannot be real.

[Anonymous]

Nothing to add here that hasn’t already been said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were the kids your idea? Stories like yours are why I'm not bearing children for any man.

No, he actually wanted children more than I did. He just thinks we're living in the 60's and feels the woman does everything at home and for the kids.

Then why did you have 3 kids with him. Just full stop. You are responsible for this mess. Three kids with a man that doesn't drive? Three kids with a man that does not want to spend time with you. This post cannot be real.

He used to be a lot better with everything. He slowly went downhill.

[Anonymous]

NP, but couples therapy and you going back to work, pronto. As a parent of three, I can't fathom being in that situation and being able to be any kind of parent to your kids. He needs to parent up or something else has to change. Don't just blame this on hormones.

[Anonymous]

So much wrong in this post. You married the wrong dude, and why doesn’t he drive?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were the kids your idea? Stories like yours are why I'm not bearing children for any man.

No, he actually wanted children more than I did. He just thinks we're living in the 60's and feels the woman does everything at home and for the kids.

Then why did you have 3 kids with him. Just full stop. You are responsible for this mess. Three kids with a man that doesn't drive? Three kids with a man that does not want to spend time with you. This post cannot be real.

He used to be a lot better with everything. He slowly went downhill.

Unless that happened int eh last three months, your decision to have a third child is inexplicable.

[Anonymous]

Was he not born in the US? This is bizarre for several reasons. I suppose not having a car is one thing, but being a grown man (I'm assuming at least middle class if you can quit work) without ever having a DL is beyond bizarre. And what kind of friends does he keep that he can bum rides from? Don't they all have wives and kids they are too busy with to shuttle him around?