When your kids' friend's mom is a user

[Anonymous]

How do you handle it?

Other mom is constantly asking me to have her kid over, drive her kid places, pick up her kid with mine. I don't micromanage my kids social life so usually deflect and say kids can figure out visiting plans, but the driving is trickier.

Kids are 12 and friend is an only child with some attitude issues that don't mesh with our family. Mom never says thank you. Sometimes my kid enjoys this friend but often wants distance.

Example: friend came over afterschool. Mom asked me to bring friend to her dance class. No thank you when I obliged.

Example: both kids are at a sleepover 30 minutes away. Mom asks me to pick up her daughter when I pick up mine. House is far away, friend in question lives fairly close to us. I would rather not deal with her kid. Mom has no circumstances other than laziness and generally seems to ignore her kid. Never any reciprocity. I don't particularly want to. Do I just say no? I feel bad for the kid sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her straight up that you rather not deal with her kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle it?

Other mom is constantly asking me to have her kid over, drive her kid places, pick up her kid with mine. I don't micromanage my kids social life so usually deflect and say kids can figure out visiting plans, but the driving is trickier.

Kids are 12 and friend is an only child with some attitude issues that don't mesh with our family. Mom never says thank you. Sometimes my kid enjoys this friend but often wants distance.

Example: friend came over afterschool. Mom asked me to bring friend to her dance class. No thank you when I obliged.

Example: both kids are at a sleepover 30 minutes away. Mom asks me to pick up her daughter when I pick up mine. House is far away, friend in question lives fairly close to us. I would rather not deal with her kid. Mom has no circumstances other than laziness and generally seems to ignore her kid. Never any reciprocity. I don't particularly want to. Do I just say no? I feel bad for the kid sometimes.

OP, to me, this is the most important line in your post. Can you imagine having to deal with a mother like this, especially as an only child?

[Anonymous]

I'm all about helping neighbors and friends but there are those user types that totally take advantage of it. I cannot stand those parents who do not even have enough manners to say THANK YOU! I don't even expect reciprocity, just a sincere thank you and appreciation for the extra time that I am taking for their child. So this year I have learned to just say no and to not feel bad about it. After a few times, they get the hint and stop asking and I no longer feel resentful. I do feel bad for the kids but if they are school friends, then they can spend time together at school.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you say no.

Some people are users because other people let themselves be used. Don't be that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm all about helping neighbors and friends but there are those user types that totally take advantage of it. I cannot stand those parents who do not even have enough manners to say THANK YOU! I don't even expect reciprocity, just a sincere thank you and appreciation for the extra time that I am taking for their child. So this year I have learned to just say no and to not feel bad about it. After a few times, they get the hint and stop asking and I no longer feel resentful. I do feel bad for the kids but if they are school friends, then they can spend time together at school.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just say no! Grow a back bone OP.

[Anonymous]

Say no, OP. Same with people who have their DH and kids crash your house on the weekends. Um, no thank you.

[Anonymous]

Get ahead of the request and say ‘hey, I grabbed the girls last time, can you get them this time?’

For requests that involve only the other girl, I’d white lie and say it’s not convenient for me.

[Anonymous]

OMG just say no already!

Example 1:
“No that doesn’t work for me. Let me know what time you’re going to pick up Larla.”

Example 2:
“Sorry! I can’t help out today.”

[Anonymous]

This other mom will use you as long as you let her. Just say, "I can't pick your kid up today."

With the worst offenders, I simply didn't respond to their texts quickly. I would reply a few hours later. Begin to make yourself increasingly unreliable. Not being available works VERY well.

[Anonymous]

I thought you meant drug user. Yikes. Had a totally different answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought you meant drug user. Yikes. Had a totally different answer.

This!

OP, why can't you ask the other mom to give your kid a ride? Turn the tables on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This other mom will use you as long as you let her. Just say, "I can't pick your kid up today."

With the worst offenders, I simply didn't respond to their texts quickly. I would reply a few hours later. Begin to make yourself increasingly unreliable. Not being available works VERY well.

I posted above to just say no, but this is a good advice too. Ignore calls and texts from them as long as possible.

[Anonymous]

I say no, OP, clearly and without apology.