Do your in laws grill you on random personal matters?

[Anonymous]

I always find myself in these awkward situations with MIL or one of the aunts and sometimes even the cousins. They seem to ask these odd questions in the course of conversation that always make me pause and think hmmm that really isn't appropriate or just the WTF.

> Are you religious? How often do you go to church? Do you believe in God? -this is in line to order fast food on a joint road trip
> On the phone after we told MIL that we were expecting -How much weight have you gained? Are you afraid of getting fat?
> When I was working "Do you miss your children?" "Do you worry that someone else is raising your children?" or when I was wasn't working "Do you feel like you lost your identity" "What are going to do -like 1,000 times in six months when I already told them I was intentionally taking six months off.
> Lots of questions about my parents who are dead.

Perhaps, I'm just used to having friends and co-workers that talk about actual interesting things like current events or something that they did or experienced that might be interesting to others or even just the weather but seem to never ask weird, wring timing personal or prying questions.

[Anonymous]

Shut them down! Answer a question with the question, “Why do you ask?”

[Anonymous]

They are obviously people without a filter. PP's advice to reply "why do you ask" is a good one. It's a fair way to redirect the question.

Your last example though... I kind of understand where they are coming from with that. If no one ever asked about your family and pretended you sprang from nowhere, well you could take that the wrong way too. They are just trying to understand your background and probably feel like not acknowledging your parents or asking about your childhood is unkind.

[Anonymous]

Those are rude. My ILs are weirdly invested in dumb questions - What is your favorite pie? Where exactly did you pick up that nail in your tire? - but they wouldn't ask about my weight or whether I felt a stranger was raising my children. You can shut them down without guilt.

[Anonymous]

Mine sometimes do this.

It’s not normal adult behavior to cross boundaries like this. Not only are these questions overly personal, there’s implied judgment behind them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shut them down! Answer a question with the question, “Why do you ask?”

This is terrible advice because it's useless. People ask questions either because they're curious or they're trying to make the person uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shut them down! Answer a question with the question, “Why do you ask?”

This is terrible advice because it's useless. People ask questions either because they're curious or they're trying to make the person uncomfortable.

I know, I don't know why this is regarded on DCUM as some brilliant come-back to intrusive questions from in-laws.

OP, your husband should stay close and call them out immediately when it happens. "Mom, you're being incredibly rude."

Hang up or leave if sh*t blows up. Magic 8 ball tells me that this will only have to happen a couple of times before they get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are obviously people without a filter. PP's advice to reply "why do you ask" is a good one. It's a fair way to redirect the question.

Your last example though... I kind of understand where they are coming from with that. If no one ever asked about your family and pretended you sprang from nowhere, well you could take that the wrong way too. They are just trying to understand your background and probably feel like not acknowledging your parents or asking about your childhood is unkind.

Why do you ask is a terrible suggestion and it won’t work.

Someone with no boundaries will just say “I’m curious! - Now tell me, how much weight did you gain in the first trimester? “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are obviously people without a filter. PP's advice to reply "why do you ask" is a good one. It's a fair way to redirect the question.

Your last example though... I kind of understand where they are coming from with that. If no one ever asked about your family and pretended you sprang from nowhere, well you could take that the wrong way too. They are just trying to understand your background and probably feel like not acknowledging your parents or asking about your childhood is unkind.

Why do you ask is a terrible suggestion and it won’t work.

Someone with no boundaries will just say “I’m curious! - Now tell me, how much weight did you gain in the first trimester? “

+3

Making faces or "why do you ask?" never works with rude people.

OP, did you ask DH what he would do?

My good friend has a MIL like this, the MIL has totally inappropriate behaviors. That friend's close family member died, and the MIL was unconscionably rude to my (really sweet) friend. I think the MIL is a bully. Is that what might be going on here?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Never.

[Anonymous]

It took my MIL almost 20 years to stop asking about religion every visit. In the last few years I started responding, “we are having a nice visit. Please don’t bring this up today. It always makes things tense for everyone.” She gets flustered, apologizes and still sometimes talks about how the kids should be religious but then let’s it go. I was annoyed when we were first married and she was pushy. Now I think she’s senile and forgetful. She is still judging. I don’t care anymore and straight up answer questions bluntly.

[Anonymous]

If my MIL notices something new/different in our house she will ask if it is new, where did I get it, and how much did it cost. The she will say she used to have something just like it

[Anonymous]

Just wait, soon they will be grilling the kids.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t ask those questions, but I don’t know that Ai’d classify them as random. At least they are a path to better understanding you. My MIL occasionally asks me really random questions about distant relatives of mine that she has never met and we don’t really socialize with. It’s a FB thing. My great aunt had her birthday and I posted on her wall. My MIL sees the post and notices a knickknack in the background of the photo so she messages me about it. Once she asked me if my DD’s biograndmom liked a certain cookbook.

[Anonymous]

you would think somebody whose own parents were dead would be grateful for in laws