Want to become exclusive. How/when? (LDR)

[Anonymous]

Save a small period of separation in the fall, have been seeing a man since last summer. Initially I was okay having it be open, but have personally lost any and all interest in seeing anyone else and want to make it exclusive. Okay to broach via phone, or should I wait until we’re in person again? (I’m going to see him in May on his turf - we live a day’s travel from each other.)

[Anonymous]

Pitch it after a blowie-much greater chance of the suggestion being accepted.

[Anonymous]

I'd do it in person.

[Anonymous]

If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

OP here. This would really be part of a larger conversation, as far as I’m concerned - how to end up being in the same place. This is a man I could see myself marrying. (We dated many years ago, and he’s been in my life for longer than a decade.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

OP here. This would really be part of a larger conversation, as far as I’m concerned - how to end up being in the same place. This is a man I could see myself marrying. (We dated many years ago, and he’s been in my life for longer than a decade.)

Not knowing the full story, sounds like you dated, it did not work out for any number of reasons but you are comfortable with him.How does he feel? What does he say about a commitment, then and now?

[Anonymous]

How old are you and him? Do you each have kids? Have either of you been married before?

I agree with others this is a convo to be had in person. I need more info to give a thoughtful answer. I’m on my second marriage and dated a few “forever bachelors” between marriages and have some thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Also PP here - do you know he is seeing other people or have you just not agreed to exclusivity yet? Is he using rhe option of it still being open or not...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

OP here. This would really be part of a larger conversation, as far as I’m concerned - how to end up being in the same place. This is a man I could see myself marrying. (We dated many years ago, and he’s been in my life for longer than a decade.)

Not knowing the full story, sounds like you dated, it did not work out for any number of reasons but you are comfortable with him.How does he feel? What does he say about a commitment, then and now?

We were in our twenties when we first dated, and in totally different places in our lives - he’s eight years older than I am, and was much more serious than I was when we met. He was also something of a playboy. Now he’s in his forties and ostensibly seeking more stability and marriage. The distance is an issue, but we love each other. Not sure how he would feel about a commitment/ closing the gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also PP here - do you know he is seeing other people or have you just not agreed to exclusivity yet? Is he using rhe option of it still being open or not...

He is not currently seeing other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

OP here. This would really be part of a larger conversation, as far as I’m concerned - how to end up being in the same place. This is a man I could see myself marrying. (We dated many years ago, and he’s been in my life for longer than a decade.)

Not knowing the full story, sounds like you dated, it did not work out for any number of reasons but you are comfortable with him.How does he feel? What does he say about a commitment, then and now?

We were in our twenties when we first dated, and in totally different places in our lives - he’s eight years older than I am, and was much more serious than I was when we met. He was also something of a playboy. Now he’s in his forties and ostensibly seeking more stability and marriage. The distance is an issue, but we love each other. Not sure how he would feel about a commitment/ closing the gap.

This is confusing me. If you love each other and have serious conversations, how could you not know how he feels about marriage? And what is the big impediment to living in the same area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

OP here. This would really be part of a larger conversation, as far as I’m concerned - how to end up being in the same place. This is a man I could see myself marrying. (We dated many years ago, and he’s been in my life for longer than a decade.)

Not knowing the full story, sounds like you dated, it did not work out for any number of reasons but you are comfortable with him.How does he feel? What does he say about a commitment, then and now?

We were in our twenties when we first dated, and in totally different places in our lives - he’s eight years older than I am, and was much more serious than I was when we met. He was also something of a playboy. Now he’s in his forties and ostensibly seeking more stability and marriage. The distance is an issue, but we love each other. Not sure how he would feel about a commitment/ closing the gap.

This is confusing me. If you love each other and have serious conversations, how could you not know how he feels about marriage? And what is the big impediment to living in the same area?

He wants to get married - at least, he says he does. Our iteration this time around has only been a few months, which is why I haven’t really gone there with him.

[Anonymous]

Do either of you have kids? Would living together cause either of you to move away from your kids? That's the most important consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do either of you have kids? Would living together cause either of you to move away from your kids? That's the most important consideration.

I have kids, he doesn’t. I have full custody and their dad lives far away - relocating would be fine for me to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only see each other infrequently, given you live a days travel apart, be prepared for him to say no. I would not have the discussion over the phone.

OP here. This would really be part of a larger conversation, as far as I’m concerned - how to end up being in the same place. This is a man I could see myself marrying. (We dated many years ago, and he’s been in my life for longer than a decade.)

Not knowing the full story, sounds like you dated, it did not work out for any number of reasons but you are comfortable with him.How does he feel? What does he say about a commitment, then and now?

We were in our twenties when we first dated, and in totally different places in our lives - he’s eight years older than I am, and was much more serious than I was when we met. He was also something of a playboy. Now he’s in his forties and ostensibly seeking more stability and marriage. The distance is an issue, but we love each other. Not sure how he would feel about a commitment/ closing the gap.

This is confusing me. If you love each other and have serious conversations, how could you not know how he feels about marriage? And what is the big impediment to living in the same area?

He wants to get married - at least, he says he does. Our iteration this time around has only been a few months, which is why I haven’t really gone there with him.

OK, so in reality this is a new relationship. I say this because I broke up with someone, reunited years later but we were somewhat different people. Not together anymore but still stay in touch. If you already have children, what's the hurry to get remarried? Why not say, "I am also responsible for my children and rather than have a complicated love life, would like it if we only saw each other until we determine whether an engagement and wedding date make sense"? Has he ever met your kids?