Decide not to have another just bc of newborn phase?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone wanted another kid in theory but decided against it just because they hate the newborn stage so so much? I hate pretty much everything about the first 4 or so months. I hate recovering from delivery, the difficulty in getting breast feeding established, the exhaustion, the impact exhaustion has on my mood and patience etc and I don’t particularly love sitting around all day snuggling a newborn. I hoped it would be less miserable the second time but nope I hate it just as much this time. We had always planned on 3 kids but right now I feel like I don’t ever want to experience this phase of life again. It’s not ppd - I’m not depressed - I’m just not a newborn person. It seems silly though to not have a 3rd just bc of a few months but god it sucks!

[Anonymous]

Are you in the middle of it? I would not pressure yourself to make any big decisions now. I was certain after my first pregnancy I would never have a second because the nausea was mind bogglingly bad, but 2 years later I somehow forgot how bad it was and went and did it again. It was worse than I remembered but it's over now and I love my 2nd kid.

But two is fine too!

[Anonymous]

Me. I have two and want a third but can not emotionally handle a newborn phase again. I know it’s a short phase that lasts but I really think it would break me.

[Anonymous]

I hated it too. I was sure we wouldn’t have a second when ds1 was a baby. But when ds was in preschool and life was suddenly so much easier, it didn’t seem so daunting. I figured that if we had another I would be more experienced and not make the same mistakes as the first time, so it would be much better.

We had a second and let’s just say that being an experienced parent didn’t make much difference. No third.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't ready to try for a second until kiddo was almost 18mo. It was hard.

[Anonymous]

I do think the newborn stage is really hard - for me, mainly due to lack of sleep.

I have 3 kids. DH definitely doesn’t want more kids, so we are on the same page, but if he theoretically wanted a 4th I’m not sure I could do it. Though if I’m being serious I would probably have a moment of weakness and go for it.

Anyway #3 baby was pretty easy generally speaking. I was old pro by then and she fit in pretty seamlessly just wearing her around. I remember with #1 I used to sit down and think I needed to have a nursing pillow. I remember just walking around the house carrying DC3 with one hand while nursing and doing everything else with the other hand if needed and it being easy to do so. Lol.

Give it a few more months and see how ya feel!

[Anonymous]

We waited a year and then started trying for a second. I was 41. By the time DS was 2, we stopped trying. My DH is a bit sad that we did not have another child. On occasion I think a second child would have been nice but it is a very rare occasion.

I hated the sleep deprivation. I don't think I could go through that again. I had no problem with the rest of it, my milk never came in so I didn't brast feed. DS was a pretty easy baby with the exception of sleep. He was awful with sleep. Oh my god was he bad with sleep.

I loved the snuggles and feeding and watching him grow. But, yeah, the sleep. Nope. Not gonna do it again.

[Anonymous]

We waited 4 years after our first baby to do it again, because the first year was incredibly brutal. We had some health circumstances that equated to no sleep and a year of crying, and I truly almost lost my mind on several occasions. I didn't even want to do it again after 4 years, but my husband really wanted two children, really wanted #1 to have a sibling, and we were recovered except emotionally ... I'm glad we went for it again. But we had similar health circumstances with #2 as well, and for me, it's never again.

Finances are the other big factor for me. We're very middle of the road financially and more kids would mean some big tradeoffs in provisions for the kids we already have.

[Anonymous]

We had our second six months ago and the newborn/baby phase sucked just as much. We pretty definitely wanted a second (husband is an only child who hated it) and decided to just suffer through it, so we had them 20 months apart. I'm not a baby person period, give me a toddler any day, even with the tantrums.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t even fathom a second bc of the newborn phase.

[Anonymous]

I stopped at two because of this. I’d love to have 4, but newborns suck.

[Anonymous]

That was a big part of it. I also had PPD and PPA and the thought of going through it again intentionally was to overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

We hired more help and had my mom for the first month helping at night. We have 3. #3 is only 2 weeks... not sleeping, no schedule, only crying, eating, burping and pooping. It suc.s, but we can do it for 4 months.... I think that will be when things will start getting better and then we will have 3!

[Anonymous]

I was in a position to work very little for the first year. Now if I had another, I would have to go back FT with no telework at three months pp. I’m not doing that.

[Anonymous]

Opposite... reeeeeeeally want a baby again but we're pretty maxed out