Another birthday party question

[Anonymous]

I met my best friend when our oldest kids were babies. Our kids have always played together because they are the same age. Now they are older and have different interests, probably wouldn't choose each other for friends but get along ok when our families get together, as they've known each other all their lives. They don't go to the same school or know anyone in common.

My kid is heavily into his sport; their kid does not like any sports at all. We've always invited them for birthday parties, because, hey, what's one more at the bouncy house or swimming pool, right? This year my kid wants to have a party where the kids play his sport. Should I invite the family friend? My friend's feelings would be hurt if her kid is not invited, but I don't think the kid would have fun. I would instruct my kid to be inclusive, but it may be obvious that no one wants the friend on their team because they are good at the sport and he doesn't play it, and the friend won't know the rules like everyone else. I don't think my kid would care one way or the other if the friend is invited, but he would probably chafe at being made to have to have the friend on his team instead of having the fun he wants.

[Anonymous]

Invite the friend, let them decide whether to attend or not.

[Anonymous]

Invite the friend, and let your friend know there would be no hard feelings if her kid takes a pass because he’s not into the sport.

[Anonymous]

We had the same situation when my son was younger and, of course, we invited the friend. Actually, there were two friends that didn't play and they both came. I think one might have joined in and the other did not--but was happy to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite the friend, let them decide whether to attend or not.

This. Just went through the same situation. Up to them and not worth hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks for the advice. I think that they will come if invited. I think my friend would encourage/make her son play the game. Should I make my son have the non-playing child be on his team? Normally I do enforce inclusiveness, especially when we are hosting. But it's also his birthday and he's playing with friends he doesn't always get to play the game with (they aren't all on the same team, just in the same sport). And my son is competitive. This is the part he wouldn't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the advice. I think that they will come if invited. I think my friend would encourage/make her son play the game. Should I make my son have the non-playing child be on his team? Normally I do enforce inclusiveness, especially when we are hosting. But it's also his birthday and he's playing with friends he doesn't always get to play the game with (they aren't all on the same team, just in the same sport). And my son is competitive. This is the part he wouldn't like.

No. Stop forcing everything. Warn the friend (the kid, not the mom) that the party is a baseball party or whatever, and say "You know, if you won't have fun, Jayden will understand if you don't want to play."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the advice. I think that they will come if invited. I think my friend would encourage/make her son play the game. Should I make my son have the non-playing child be on his team? Normally I do enforce inclusiveness, especially when we are hosting. But it's also his birthday and he's playing with friends he doesn't always get to play the game with (they aren't all on the same team, just in the same sport). And my son is competitive. This is the part he wouldn't like.

No. Stop forcing everything. Warn the friend (the kid, not the mom) that the party is a baseball party or whatever, and say "You know, if you won't have fun, Jayden will understand if you don't want to play."

Let the kid be umpire or coach or something.

[Anonymous]

How many kids are invited? If its a large number I say go ahead since there will be other kids not that into the sport. If its a small number and they are all on a team together etc. I would say no and just tell your friend your kid is having a small group get together instead of a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had the same situation when my son was younger and, of course, we invited the friend. Actually, there were two friends that didn't play and they both came. I think one might have joined in and the other did not--but was happy to be there.

+1
How is this a question, OP? And of course you don't force your kid to put him on his team. You can suggest, if you want, by saying it's the kind thing to do because he doesn't know anyone else but really I'm sure your child and your friend's child will be fine with your controlling every aspect of the party.

[Anonymous]

Invite the friend, but also let the mom know it's ok if her kid doesn't come, and then arrange a time for the two kids (or the two families) to go out and have a birthday celebration dinner together. That's what I'm doing for my DD's birthday. She has the same situation as you described, a friend who she's known since birth, but they don't go to the same school or have any friends in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the advice. I think that they will come if invited. I think my friend would encourage/make her son play the game. Should I make my son have the non-playing child be on his team? Normally I do enforce inclusiveness, especially when we are hosting. But it's also his birthday and he's playing with friends he doesn't always get to play the game with (they aren't all on the same team, just in the same sport). And my son is competitive. This is the part he wouldn't like.

Don't force. My son was that non-sport kid. He went to a sporty party (flag football -- had no idea how it worked). It was tough for him, I will admit. As I was the family friend, I stuck around and and helped out with party stuff.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are in the wrong forum and your kid is 3, he chooses who to invite. He cannot invite he whole team except for one. But inviting a teenager to appease one of your friends is ridiculous. It is not being inclusive. It is being controlling. You both are setting these kids up to resent each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are in the wrong forum and your kid is 3, he chooses who to invite. He cannot invite he whole team except for one. But inviting a teenager to appease one of your friends is ridiculous. It is not being inclusive. It is being controlling. You both are setting these kids up to resent each other.

+1, don’t invite. Sounds like your is, that kid, and you willl be miserable and worriedduring the party.

[Anonymous]

do not invite this child to the birthday party. Instead, have a birthday dinner and go out for pizza with the two families. Or something similar.