How to establish good eaters early

[Anonymous]

Apologies if this should be in the toddler forum, but I thought parents with older kids would have equally valuable advice.

I have a 13 month old who is an average eater. I would say he used to be a great eater - would eat anything in front of him - but as he's gotten older and is establishing his own tastes and independence, he is becoming more picky. We are trying to offer him a wide variety of foods, whatever it is we are eating. My question is what do we do when he won't eat what we offer? If he tries something and doesn't like it, that's one thing. Other times he just won't even try it. I am struggling with whether I offer him something I know he will eat when he refuses what is offered. For example, last night he ate some strawberries, which he loves, and then wouldn't touch the turkey meatloaf. My husband and I weren't sure if we should give him some leftover pasta or a pouch, which we know he will eat, when he wouldn't try the meatloaf. On the one hand, I don't want him to learn that if he refuses to try something and waits long enough, we'll give him something else. On the other hand, he's only one and I don't want him to go to bed having only eaten a couple strawberries.

Anyways, I would love your advice on how to handle this going forward. I want to establish good habits early on, so if you have advice, or maybe recommended reading, I would appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

He may not be hungry. I would suggest not giving him other options when he's refused something and see how it goes. It's ok if he goes to bed having eaten only strawberries for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Ellen Slater for recommended reading.

I would offer a plate that includes foods you know they like as well as non-preferred or unknown foods but don't try to make them eat anything. Keep offering non-preferred or unknown foods, continue not to mention what they eat or don't. This will work for MOST kids. MOST kids will not starve themselves. Occasionally there are kids who have extreme eating issues, and for that a parent should seek professional advice.

[Anonymous]

By not making it a big deal. Don't cook separately for your toddler. Offer what you have for dinner and let him choose. Also, he is 13 months old, way too early to think about giving in or not giving in. Have something he will eat for your dinner. Trust me, it all works out and if you are worrying now you are only creating a problem. Now, I am not saying stop at McD three times a day for your baby, but just have whatever you eat and offer it.

[Anonymous]

The biggest advice I have is don't give in. Hold firm to the you eat what we eat (barring legitimate special needs) and ride out the next 4 years. I agree that the less attention you draw to the issue, the better. As your child gets into three/four it can often be an issue of exerting control and the last thing you want is a battle of wills over eating. When they're a bit older, give them lots of ways to make choices around the meal - which napkins we use, where people sit at the table, what music to listen to, etc.

We require our kids to take a "no thank you bite" so that they are exposed to more flavors and textures over time, but other than that they decide how much they want to eat. We also don't offer anything else until breakfast (assuming we're talking about dinner).

One thing I've noticed is that both of our kids have had a harder time with dinner than with other meals - and I think a lot of it is because they are tired and just done with the day. If you have some flexibility , try introducing new foods at lunch.

[Anonymous]

- Have them help you cook (yes, even 1 year olds can help. My 2 year old even helps cut veggies)
- always have something on their plate they want
- don't offer separate meals for them, but do separate the food if they request it. Ie pasta separate from the sauce, separate from the vegetables when the rest of the family eats it all combined.
- they have to sit at the table for 15 minutes and ask to be excused
-no snacks, no alternative meals after dinner is over

We had to do tough love for a few months and then DD was back to eating vegetables and normal dinners. We try to make dinners fun and all of us eat together. Bonus is that when we go to restaurants she sits and eats amazingly well because she's had practice every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- Have them help you cook (yes, even 1 year olds can help. My 2 year old even helps cut veggies)
- always have something on their plate they want
- don't offer separate meals for them, but do separate the food if they request it. Ie pasta separate from the sauce, separate from the vegetables when the rest of the family eats it all combined.
- they have to sit at the table for 15 minutes and ask to be excused
-no snacks, no alternative meals after dinner is over

We had to do tough love for a few months and then DD was back to eating vegetables and normal dinners. We try to make dinners fun and all of us eat together. Bonus is that when we go to restaurants she sits and eats amazingly well because she's had practice every night.

Oh and something that works quite often: we don't give DD her plate yet when she sits down (plated vs family style on the table). We make her ask for it. She'll say "I want some pasta too!" and then we give her the pasta and she eats it. But she wouldn't eat it before.

[Anonymous]

Like so many things about your child, you really don't get to decide on his food preferences. People who think they did a great job thwarting a fussy eating, really didn't have one. They just had a toddler going through a phase. You can absolutely decline to offer extra options. You can not force a "no thank-you bite" to a kid who is not willing to take it. I have one great eater and one not both raised the same way. I thought by ignoring the narrow selection of the fussy one, they would phase out..but no.

[Anonymous]

DO NOT make separate food for your kids. Ever. Eventually they will eat more and more. I had to put salmon on my son's plate probably 30 times before he would even try a bite. He just ate the side dishes or whatever else was being served that he liked.

[Anonymous]

- Don't offer separate meals, or alternates
- Don't let the child over-snack and fill up constantly on cheerios or those little puff things. It is healthy to actually be a little hungry when a meal time rolls around. If your child needs a snack, give them something they would eat at a meal-- ie sweet potato, carrot sticks, or I used to strain the vegetables out of our homemade soups for them at that age-- now they happily eat bowls of thick vegetable soups. You can also let them experiment with hummus a bit too-- one of my kids used to love hummus as a toddler
- Serve vegetables first, when they are hungriest. As a child, who would want to eat your share of strawberries or another sweet food and then move on to broccoli? It should go in the other direction-- broccoli and carrots first, then sweet foods to top off the meal.

[Anonymous]

We sit down together together (actually, just me and DS; Dh is never home) and eat the same foods together. Have been doing this since he was a baby/started solids. Yea, he has likes/dislikes here and there, but overall awesome eater.
You know, lead by example and all.

[Anonymous]

NP but I have had a similar question for awhile (DS is 14 months). For the most part I try, for my own sake, to make my dinner his dinner. But sometimes I'm not eating a full protein-carb-veg type dinner. Or, my dinner is very spicy (I like spicy food). So in those instances I'll roast some extra veggies that only he gets, or in the case of the spicy food, I'll make him a quick plate of veggies and a hamburger or something. Is this a bad idea? It's more for MY sake than his, but I can see how this might establish a food fight later on.

Also, to those saying make sure there's always at least 1 thing he likes--his taste is constantly changing. one day he loves yogurt, the next he hates it. Used to eat blueberries by the pound, now refuses to put them in his mouth. And so on and so on. How do I deal with this moving target without wasting a ton of money and food?

[Anonymous]

In one post someone tried to mention Ellen Satter I think, but phone autocorrrected. I also have a 13 month old and her book Secrets to feeding a healthy family helped me so much with these questions. Her website also has some information. I also follow kids.eat.in.color on Instagram, which is sometimes helpful although can be a bit much so may not be everyone’s style. But she talks about the division of responsibility that Ellen talks about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP but I have had a similar question for awhile (DS is 14 months). For the most part I try, for my own sake, to make my dinner his dinner. But sometimes I'm not eating a full protein-carb-veg type dinner. Or, my dinner is very spicy (I like spicy food). So in those instances I'll roast some extra veggies that only he gets, or in the case of the spicy food, I'll make him a quick plate of veggies and a hamburger or something. Is this a bad idea? It's more for MY sake than his, but I can see how this might establish a food fight later on.

Also, to those saying make sure there's always at least 1 thing he likes--his taste is constantly changing. one day he loves yogurt, the next he hates it. Used to eat blueberries by the pound, now refuses to put them in his mouth. And so on and so on. How do I deal with this moving target without wasting a ton of money and food?

My 17 month old eats and loves spicy food (and has since we introduced it at 10 months). Offer him some, he might like it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like so many things about your child, you really don't get to decide on his food preferences. People who think they did a great job thwarting a fussy eating, really didn't have one. They just had a toddler going through a phase. You can absolutely decline to offer extra options. You can not force a "no thank-you bite" to a kid who is not willing to take it. I have one great eater and one not both raised the same way. I thought by ignoring the narrow selection of the fussy one, they would phase out..but no.

+1

What you can control is offering your kid a variety of foods, not just bland "kid foods," not jumping to offer an alternative to what you've served, and asking your kid to try a bite before saying no. And I think that's valuable, because it really can take repeated exposure to new foods to develop a liking for them.

Beyond that, kids will like what they like. Some kids will like nearly everything, and will grow up to be adults who like nearly everything. Some kids are genuinely picky eaters who eat only a handful of things. Most kids (and adults, really) are somewhere in the middle.

And there are phases--some days, kids are not as hungry and therefore less willing to try new things. Some days, a previously adventurous eater will refuse to try something new--or even something they've liked before. Tastes change.

And keep in mind--what is your goal? I want my kid to eat a reasonably healthy, balanced diet; to be able to enjoy a family meal; and to raise an adult who can find something she likes in most restaurants, who can enjoy meals with friends and be a good guest, and who can maintain a reasonably healthy, balanced diet throughout her life. Having a kid who eats everything is not a moral victory. It's a practical one.