How have I totally lost my willpower and how can I get it back?

[Anonymous]

When I was younger I could decide I was going to cut back on eating XYZ, or decide to up my exercise to 5x/week instead of 3x/week and I would do it. Once I decided to do it, then it was as good as done. I don't know how, but somewhere along the way I've lost my willpower. I've had 20 pounds to lose for about 7 years (since my child was born--I'm very short so 20 pounds is significant for me) and I get in the mindset to lose it and make sure I have a good and doable plan in place and then.......nothing.

I'll last a few days before sneaking something that I had told myself was off limits. Even when I tell myself that I only have to be in a strict phase for a week or 2 to get in the habit I can't even last a few days before sabotaging myself. This time I thought back to the last time I was truly successful with trying to lose weight and it was with South Beach Diet. I decided to try Phase 1 for 2 weeks. I started on Monday. Last night I ended up eating a few rice cakes. I know rice cakes won't completely ruin any other changes I make, but it's not the principle of it. I have just lost my willpower. I have a talk with myself and I decide that I'm going to prioritize my health and losing weight and then I can't stick with the changes I commit to making.

What happened in the last decade where I've just lost my willpower? How did this change come about? It's almost spring time and I had said I would have lost some weight by now. I haven't. Now I'm going to go to that part of the cycle where I feel shameful about not being able to stick with any plan I make. Rinse and repeat.

Here are things I've tried: food logs on MFP and Cronometer, WW, Bright Line Eating, Noom, intermittent fasting, working with a dietician
Things that I have stuck with: intermittent fasting (since August)

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are in the all or nothing diet mindset. I’ve been there and done that. It typically leads to failure, frustration, and ultimately giving up. Which bring you back to picking a new strict approach and starting the cycle all over again. You need a more moderate approach that isn’t so restrictive. When I stopped putting things off limits and allowed myself to eat them guilt free it made it easier to not hate myself for cheating by eating a rice cake.

Pick a small habit you can stick with And start from there. Work in one thing at a time to build self efficacy. Right now you don’t believe you can do it so you will yourself to fail. But showing yourself that you can do something will build your confidence. Starting small might mean it takes longer to get there but continuing to fail takes a long time too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are in the all or nothing diet mindset. I’ve been there and done that. It typically leads to failure, frustration, and ultimately giving up. Which bring you back to picking a new strict approach and starting the cycle all over again. You need a more moderate approach that isn’t so restrictive. When I stopped putting things off limits and allowed myself to eat them guilt free it made it easier to not hate myself for cheating by eating a rice cake.

Pick a small habit you can stick with And start from there. Work in one thing at a time to build self efficacy. Right now you don’t believe you can do it so you will yourself to fail. But showing yourself that you can do something will build your confidence. Starting small might mean it takes longer to get there but continuing to fail takes a long time too.

Thanks. I agree. The problem is that I pick a small habit to focus on and then make up for it in other ways. So I might say that I'm giving up candy and refined sugar but then go overboard with rice cakes and peanuts. Or I might add a day of exercise and then that "allows" me to eat chips with my Chipotle order since I'm not getting rice. Etc, etc. -OP

[Anonymous]

It might simply be that while you want to lose weight, it's not nearly as big of a priority in your life anymore and that's what you're interpreting as "lack of willpower."

I think that's a good thing. That's healthy. It's a sign of maturity. You've gained perspective in life. When you were younger being 20 pounds overweight was enough of a disaster to you to push you to make changes. Now, you have the life experience to realize it's not the end of the world and are therefore less motivated to change.

[Anonymous]

Me too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are in the all or nothing diet mindset. I’ve been there and done that. It typically leads to failure, frustration, and ultimately giving up. Which bring you back to picking a new strict approach and starting the cycle all over again. You need a more moderate approach that isn’t so restrictive. When I stopped putting things off limits and allowed myself to eat them guilt free it made it easier to not hate myself for cheating by eating a rice cake.

Pick a small habit you can stick with And start from there. Work in one thing at a time to build self efficacy. Right now you don’t believe you can do it so you will yourself to fail. But showing yourself that you can do something will build your confidence. Starting small might mean it takes longer to get there but continuing to fail takes a long time too.

Thanks. I agree. The problem is that I pick a small habit to focus on and then make up for it in other ways. So I might say that I'm giving up candy and refined sugar but then go overboard with rice cakes and peanuts. Or I might add a day of exercise and then that "allows" me to eat chips with my Chipotle order since I'm not getting rice. Etc, etc. -OP

Sounds like you need to pick different habit to focus on. Enough of the "I am giving up all refined sugar." Basically never pick a habit that you can't honestly see yourself sticking with for the long term. Instead say I will eat 5 servings of vegetables today or maybe 2 if you currently aren't eating any or I will exercise 2 times this week. Pick something you can accomplish, don't go saying I will go to the gym 6 days if you know that is unrealistic. Also set a calorie range for yourself and tell yourself you will stick with it for a week, no compromising, no giving in. Honestly there comes a point where you just need to do it. Sometimes change is doing the hard things when you don't want to and even when they are uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is me before I started my weight loss journey. To me, the reason why I did not have my willpower is because I was too tired from work and home duties to actually add any work out or diet. But here's what worked for me:

No fad diets. Started slow and steady but gradually lowering food intake, and daily food log on MFP, to check if I'm on target with my calorie intake. Mind you I did not do this cold turkey. When I started, I learned that I ate 2000-3000 calories per day but my body only needed 1500 to maintain, 1200 to lose weight. I worked on lowering my food intake until I reached 1500, and then 1200. This is kinder to your bodya nd it helps your stomach to gradually become smaller. I find that I wanted to eat more before because my stomach increased in size from overeating.

Pick an activity that you can stick to EVERYDAY. To me, it's walking. Not because I love walking but because I can't do running and I hated exercise. I also know that I won't last long if I choose other activities that involve too much movement and time since I was extremely sedentary. I started with only 10 minutes a day, gradually adding more time when my energy went up. But the key is doing it everyday until it becomes a habit, so that's more than a month of trying and fighting your willpower. Also, the reason why walking worked for me is because I actually don't need to change into workout clothes to do this. I can do it anytime of the day, making it very flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

I was just reading about Bright Line Eating, and so much resonates with me. I'm sure the critics will use the "everything in moderation" argument. Are you following the plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

I was just reading about Bright Line Eating, and so much resonates with me. I'm sure the critics will use the "everything in moderation" argument. Are you following the plan?

NP I don't think "everything in moderation" works when you are trying to lose weight. This is ok once you are maintaining weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

I was just reading about Bright Line Eating, and so much resonates with me. I'm sure the critics will use the "everything in moderation" argument. Are you following the plan?

I don’t think “everything in moderation” means what people think it means. It’s heneraly much less than what most of us consider moderation.

That said, Bright Line is just a $$$$$$ way of telling you not to eat stuff that’s bad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

I was just reading about Bright Line Eating, and so much resonates with me. I'm sure the critics will use the "everything in moderation" argument. Are you following the plan?

OP here. I did Bright Line Eating for a few months. It's supposed to help with the decision fatigue and make eating more of a rote thing instead of something to always be thinking about. I only lasted a few months because you do have to weigh and measure your portions of the foods you're eating and that gets tough for me to stick with. It adds to the time it takes for me to prep food, and then I start resenting the practice and stop doing it. I lost maybe 2 pounds in over 2 months and it just didn't seem worth it to spend that much time weighing and measuring for that little payoff. The idea of the plan really did resonate with me as well, but I found that I was spending more time thinking about food than how I typically ate and that made it harder for me to push back cravings since I was thinking about food so often, if that makes any sense. I think it's good for anyone who really struggles with eating too many carbs and then craving those carbs. It has a strict policy of no flour and no flour substitutes for that reason, but I don't really have a problem with those foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

I was just reading about Bright Line Eating, and so much resonates with me. I'm sure the critics will use the "everything in moderation" argument. Are you following the plan?

OP here. I did Bright Line Eating for a few months. It's supposed to help with the decision fatigue and make eating more of a rote thing instead of something to always be thinking about. I only lasted a few months because you do have to weigh and measure your portions of the foods you're eating and that gets tough for me to stick with. It adds to the time it takes for me to prep food, and then I start resenting the practice and stop doing it. I lost maybe 2 pounds in over 2 months and it just didn't seem worth it to spend that much time weighing and measuring for that little payoff. The idea of the plan really did resonate with me as well, but I found that I was spending more time thinking about food than how I typically ate and that made it harder for me to push back cravings since I was thinking about food so often, if that makes any sense. I think it's good for anyone who really struggles with eating too many carbs and then craving those carbs. It has a strict policy of no flour and no flour substitutes for that reason, but I don't really have a problem with those foods.

I'm the PP above who asked about the plan - thank you. My comment about "everything in moderation" is because I do believe that for some people, eliminating certain foods - sometimes forever - is the way to go. At a glance the food plans don't look particularly low carb and include oatmeal, beans, etc. I can understand how weighing food and never snacking between meals can be hard to adhere to! And it must take up a ton of mental bandwidth, which seems counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my pet theory: a person wakes up in the morning with a certain amount of willpower. If you are using your willpower on working/being patient with your kids/doing household chores etc., you don't have any left for diet/exercise. Also, when you are single and dieting, you just keep all the crap out of the house. When you have kids, you are surrounded by normal kid food.

Yes, this is one of the premises of Bright Line Eating. It makes a lot of sense.

I was just reading about Bright Line Eating, and so much resonates with me. I'm sure the critics will use the "everything in moderation" argument. Are you following the plan?

OP here. I did Bright Line Eating for a few months. It's supposed to help with the decision fatigue and make eating more of a rote thing instead of something to always be thinking about. I only lasted a few months because you do have to weigh and measure your portions of the foods you're eating and that gets tough for me to stick with. It adds to the time it takes for me to prep food, and then I start resenting the practice and stop doing it. I lost maybe 2 pounds in over 2 months and it just didn't seem worth it to spend that much time weighing and measuring for that little payoff. The idea of the plan really did resonate with me as well, but I found that I was spending more time thinking about food than how I typically ate and that made it harder for me to push back cravings since I was thinking about food so often, if that makes any sense. I think it's good for anyone who really struggles with eating too many carbs and then craving those carbs. It has a strict policy of no flour and no flour substitutes for that reason, but I don't really have a problem with those foods.

I'm the PP above who asked about the plan - thank you. My comment about "everything in moderation" is because I do believe that for some people, eliminating certain foods - sometimes forever - is the way to go. At a glance the food plans don't look particularly low carb and include oatmeal, beans, etc. I can understand how weighing food and never snacking between meals can be hard to adhere to! And it must take up a ton of mental bandwidth, which seems counterproductive.

Sorry, I should have specified that it's good for people who struggle with eating too many refined or processed carbs, like bread, crackers, pasta etc. -OP