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Does your job require spport of your spouse?
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Anonymous
| A friend of mine told ne that her husband's job is so demanding that she can not work. She has to be home to run all the errands, and so that her kids have some sort of relationship with a parent. He works 80 hour weeks and very unpredictable hours. She has to be the one in the background doing it all. If she worked, they would need a professional nanny that could take over everything, if thta type really exists. To me, unless you're making big bucks, that is not worth it. When you consider the opportunity costs of her SAH status that translates into $$ that should be reworked into the calculation of his true salary. |
Anonymous
| My neighbor is like this. She had to quit her job as a nurse after they had children because her husband travels so frequently and with such short notice. Plus when he's gone, it's for weeks at a time. |
Anonymous
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I'm sure as two intelligent adults, they recognize the "opportunity costs" and have decided that this arrangement best suits their needs-- monetary and otherwise.
If you're judging that that YOU wouldn't make the same calculation, then so what? |
Anonymous
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What if you really love your job? Must you sacrifice your career b/c your husband has f-ed up hours?
Why does the woman always have to make sacrifices? |
Anonymous
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It isn't always the woman who makes this choice. Usually, but not always.
13:02's verb choice irks me. She "had to quit her job" - it was a family choice that his job would be the only one earning money. My husband and I agreed that between us there would be 80 hrs of paid work a week. At one point, he contemplated a shift to the private sector. Part of our thinking at that point was that this would only work for us if my job would accommodate a switch to part time. In the end, we didn't do it - partly because of the likely effect on my career. No reason to judge the family's choices, really. Yes, there are jobs out there that demand more than can be accomplished if there isn't someone in the background making the house run. This works for many couples, so why should we care. |
Anonymous
I hope that the compensation is worth it. These jobs ask for so much hoping the employee will "work things out". |
Anonymous
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My husband has a demanding job and I have to "do it all". I'm a rare breed who works because I like my job, not for the money. I just work a reduced schedule and am out of the office by 3:30 each day and have a day off during the week. My last 2 jobs were like this. I am direct in the interview process that I need a flexible schedule. I still pull in a 6 figure salary (barely) and could easily work a full schedule if something happened to my husband.
None of this is amazing, novel, or shocking. Single parents live this every day. They have no one-at all. If something happened to the OPs friend's husband the mom would be in for quite a rude awakening. |
Anonymous
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My DH's job is not as demanding as some OP's but yet it would still not be possible to have children if both of our careers were as demanding as his career is.
I could probably work part-time, but the way I see it, I'd still be stuck with all of the errands, well visits, sick days, book reports, etc. so why do all that on top of a job outside the home? So I SAH. Its my choice. |
Anonymous
NP here -- This is a very rude comment. When we decided as a family that I would quit my job to be home with our children due to DH's travel schedule, we also discussed the possibility that something might happen to my husband leaving us without OUR income...yes, OUR income. We increased our life insurance policies, as well as disability, so that our family would be covered. This is how we get into the mommy wars. WHy can't we just agree that each family is different and leave it at that. What works for your family will not work for mine, which is why we made the decisions we made and YOU made the decisions you made. I don't begrudge you those decisions. In fact, I admire it. And we are happy with our choice. |
Anonymous
| Yes, my DH has a job like that and I did give up my career (which I liked) because of it. I now work part-time and require a very flexible schedule. I NEVER count on DH's presence- ever (I did on the past and have been let down too many times). Why do we choose to do it that way? DH loves his job, and makes well over 10x what I earn. I enjoy what I do, but have no burning need to work full time. Would I like it if DH were around more? Sure! Am I holding my breath? No. |
Anonymous
IMHO you are a rare breed not because you like your job more than being with your child, but because you are honest about it. I admire your honesty. I always wonder why more of us aren't honest about that. |
Anonymous
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My DH has a gov't job and his schedule is extremely unpredictable. He is NEVER able to plan anything. He works 80 hours a week and his "weekends" are sometimes in the middle of the week. Misses all holidays and most birthdays. He also works shifts, so sometimes he will be working 10 pm to 5 am. Sleeps all day.
We have 2 kids under 4 and I worked part time for 2 years, full time for one. I can work, have a master's degree, if need be I'll go back to the career I hated to provide for my children. Honestly, I can say, yes, my husband's job is too demanding for us both to work. When I worked full time our kids never saw either one of us. |
Anonymous
In my case, and in the case of other women I know, it's been the other way around. Actually this has gone back and forth over our careers - sometimes I am the one to slow down, sometimes he is. There is actually some research out there that I read several years ago that said that 2 career families were more likely not to maximize either career, and if that was a goal then it was better for one parent to stay home and be the supportive spouse. But that is not always the goal so we each make our choices. |
Anonymous
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We are both really lucky to have jobs we love that are very flexible. I work a reduced schedule (4 days a week) and DH works all five days but doesn't have to be in the office as much, so is home with DD by 6 every night. He also has almost zero commute and daycare is in his office so he does drop off and pick up and deals with a lot of the dr. appointments, etc.
I would not be as happy as a SAHM but if I married someone who worked 80 hours and we could afford it, I would feel like I had to stay home. Not saying all moms feel that way - I know some WANT to stay home and that is great, it's just not me. I think when we advocate for family friendly work places, it needs to be for the mom AND dad. However, I recognize that the senior partners, CEOs, etc. will always work long hours, so I do think it would be tough for both to work in some situations. |
Anonymous
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No job "requires" support, OP. As you pointed out they would have an option of a FT nanny, which many families CHOOSE to do.
DH & I support each other in our careers. He's in a field he loves, spent years of $ & schooling to get into, and has high reward. I SAH. We're happy this way. I don't see it as "opportunity costs of [my] SAH status" to his salary. I guess I'm confused why you posted the question? Is your friend bothered by this? |