Help me talk to my 84 yo mother

[Anonymous]

My mom is in great physical shape but starting to have some issues with memory loss. It mostly presents in her asking the same questions multiple times during a conversation. My mom has always been a negative person and I believe she has suffered from depression for many years. She has always been adamantly opposed to therapy or medication. This problem has gotten so much worse over the past year as all she talks about in any conversation is the weather, how bored she is and how she is living too long. I try to active listen on my best days or at least remain quiet. I attempt to steer the conversation to something she might find interesting but she really has no interests now. Just waiting to die. Is there anything I can do on these conversation that would be better?

[Anonymous]

1. Pull out the old photo albums as many times as she likes
2. Sing songs she knows.
3. Any Poetry she remembers? You never know.
4. Watch old movies with her, find out her faves and get them.
5. Take her to CVS let her walk around with a cart to get exercise

This was my mom 90 now until we got her in a great assisted living place and the attendants dispense lexapro (under a Dr. of course), and she is so happy now. She also participates in a singing group. Before this she sat by herself and complained.

[Anonymous]

Is this your biggest problem? How to talk to her. What is her living situation. I'm hoping you'll say she's not living alone. She needs to be kept safe, above all else. Far above the need, hers or yours, for engaging conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this your biggest problem? How to talk to her. What is her living situation. I'm hoping you'll say she's not living alone. She needs to be kept safe, above all else. Far above the need, hers or yours, for engaging conversation.

Reality check time! The aging, complaining, depressed mother with memory issues is not going to be receptive to discussing any of those issues, any physical issues, any monetary issues, or any housing issues.

Mom’s an adult, she supposedly had an opportunity to plan for her future needs, and you aren’t going to change anything short of getting her guardianship.

I say focus on being patient and kind, but don’t delude yourself into thinking you can change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Pull out the old photo albums as many times as she likes
2. Sing songs she knows.
3. Any Poetry she remembers? You never know.
4. Watch old movies with her, find out her faves and get them.
5. Take her to CVS let her walk around with a cart to get exercise

This was my mom 90 now until we got her in a great assisted living place and the attendants dispense lexapro (under a Dr. of course), and she is so happy now. She also participates in a singing group. Before this she sat by herself and complained.

These are all excellent suggestions for conversation starters. Ask her about her childhood, ask her about her early life as a young mom, if she worked outside the home then ask her about that, ask her about what it was like to not have a washing machine, ask her if she remembers her first color television set, … the list goes on and on. I bet she has a ton of stuff she could talk about if you are willing to ask her about it.