Growing up poor, coming into money, yet clinging to old lifestyle? Why?

[Anonymous]

Have you ever seen the documentary The Queen of Versailles or Don’t be Tardy? Why it is so hard for people who grew up poor to drop that persona?

I know someone who reminds me of those women, and it’s always puzzled me. She’s not now rich to that level, but her husband makes enough money to give her a solid UMC life. Yet, she is so unrefined, it’s almost like she completely rejects dropping her old lifestyle. There is tackily worn designer apparel, druggie and drama mama friends, all while living in a beautiful home in an UMC area (that she fills with IKEA), a professional (and somwhat ashamed?) husband.

What happens when these women (men?) suddenly come into money, yet they cling to being poor?

[Anonymous]

It's irrational fear that it'll all go away tomorrow.

But what does it matter to you, anyway?

[Anonymous]

Okay, I haven't seen Queen of Versailles in a long time but as I recall she embraced being rich and spending money. Are you saying that she didn't act refined enough for your taste? Because it's not like she was obsessed with living on a paltry amount of money. Rather the opposite.

[Anonymous]

The unrefined person here is not your friend. It's you, with your coarse judgements.

I come from European aristocrat money, and it's normal in my circle to use quality things until they fall apart. Cars, clothes, etc. We find it distasteful to display wealth.

But I am humble enough to realize that refinement is first in the feelings and the mind, regardless of how much material things you have! Your friend may be a treasure. IKEA furniture really does not matter - and their solid wood Hemnes line is actually not that bad

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen either, but maybe it's clinging to it for fear of being perceived as fakes or whatever.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have to reinvent a new "rich" self. Maybe she's comfortable wither her old friends and places where she has always shopped.

[Anonymous]

What's so hard to understand? Growing up poor means limited or no exposure to certain refined things in life, limited resources to cultivate taste, etc. Suddenly come into money does not change that overnight. The person needs to have foresight, self-awareness to change.

[Anonymous]

I think the post title is misleading, as the examples aren't people clinging to their old lifestyle, i.e., living modestly, cutting coupons, etc. I think one PP nailed it that because of a lack of exposure they didn't develop refined tastes, interests or mannerisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's so hard to understand? Growing up poor means limited or no exposure to certain refined things in life, limited resources to cultivate taste, etc. Suddenly come into money does not change that overnight. The person needs to have foresight, self-awareness to change.

Or maybe she has foresight and self-awareness and still doesn't want to change. Why bother being rich if you can't live rich on your own terms?

[Anonymous]

So you're asking why some people's personalities and actions are influenced by their experiences and upbringing? What else would they be influenced by?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the documentary The Queen of Versailles or Don’t be Tardy? Why it is so hard for people who grew up poor to drop that persona?

I know someone who reminds me of those women, and it’s always puzzled me. She’s not now rich to that level, but her husband makes enough money to give her a solid UMC life. Yet, she is so unrefined, it’s almost like she completely rejects dropping her old lifestyle. There is tackily worn designer apparel, druggie and drama mama friends, all while living in a beautiful home in an UMC area (that she fills with IKEA), a professional (and somwhat ashamed?) husband.

What happens when these women (men?) suddenly come into money, yet they cling to being poor?

Tons of great stuff at IKEA.

Signed, UMC born and bred

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the documentary The Queen of Versailles or Don’t be Tardy? Why it is so hard for people who grew up poor to drop that persona?

I know someone who reminds me of those women, and it’s always puzzled me. She’s not now rich to that level, but her husband makes enough money to give her a solid UMC life. Yet, she is so unrefined, it’s almost like she completely rejects dropping her old lifestyle. There is tackily worn designer apparel, druggie and drama mama friends, all while living in a beautiful home in an UMC area (that she fills with IKEA), a professional (and somwhat ashamed?) husband.

What happens when these women (men?) suddenly come into money, yet they cling to being poor?

DCUM snobs never stop amusing me. If only these people spend this much brain power on something productive...

[Anonymous]

You think her husband is ashamed of her? Wow.

[Anonymous]

I grew up poor and now have 1% money but I’m comfortable living an MC life. Worrying about money is in my DNA and until i’m Retired I probably won’t change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The unrefined person here is not your friend. It's you, with your coarse judgements.

I come from European aristocrat money, and it's normal in my circle to use quality things until they fall apart. Cars, clothes, etc. We find it distasteful to display wealth.

But I am humble enough to realize that refinement is first in the feelings and the mind, regardless of how much material things you have! Your friend may be a treasure. IKEA furniture really does not matter - and their solid wood Hemnes line is actually not that bad

Thank you for posting that. How lovely. What a breath of fresh air.