Is there a point when "spirited" can become a special need?

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old is very "spirited" meaning tightly wound, extremely stubborn and strong willed, competitive, ambitious, and somewhat anxious. As a toddler and young child, he was constantly in motion. I felt like he was a large dog who needed to be tired out with physical activity. We've worked this out over the years by getting him involved in sports and now he plays tennis three times a week and does other seasonal sports.

We have two younger children and DS1 is MUCH more sensitive to his environment than they are (in that he's easily overstimulated and needs a certain amount of sleep). For most of his life, he was prone to throwing extreme tantrums where he would hit and kick and scream for up to an hour. We've tried everything of course and been in therapy for it and the only thing that has really helped is him aging out of it.

Anyway, he's been in and out of therapy. He was diagnosed with ADHD-I about two years ago but it seemed mild and his teachers say he doesn't need his accommodations anymore. Fwiw, he doesn't have a problem with hyperactivity or impulsivity and wasn't medicated.

Where am I going with all of this? I've just always felt that there was something off about him, something more going on than ADHD. He's just so "extra." His feelings are always so amplified compared to his siblings. If he hurts himself at home, he screams bloody murder (he doesn't do this at school). If he's excited, he's bouncing around in my face.

I wonder if this level of "spiritedness" is really more like a kissing cousin of ASD? He was evaluated by a developmental pediatrician at 3 because I suspected he had ASD and the doctor said he was neurotical. Plus he was later evaluated by a psychologist who gave him the ADHD diagnosis.

But he does not behave in a typical way in my experience. I've always privately thought of him as a kind of delicate hothouse flower who needs the *exact* right amount of sleep, physical activity, mental activity, etc. etc. in order to flourish. He's exhausting compared to my other children who are much more laid back and go with the flow.

Can anyone else relate to this type of behavior in a child? What do you think it is?

[Anonymous]

ADHD can cause all of that. It is fundamentally a problem with processing sensory inputs. I think people get a picture in their head of what adhd is but it’s more complex than that and can manifest differently in different kids. But a generalized anxiety disorder could also cause all of what you’re describing. I feel like the early manifestations of that are often missed in kids but then it becomes easier to recognize in the tween years.

[Anonymous]

There's a phrase I've heard in my reading about ADHD: "ADHD rarely travels alone." It's worth checking back in with his therapist or the psychologist who diagnosed him about anxiety.

Therapy for ADHD needs to include two components:

1) techniques to address executive functioning deficits and improve focus but *also*

2) therapy to address the emotions that come along with being different. Kids with ADHD hear many more negative comments about their behavior than is typical for a child, and that comes with an emotional cost that needs addressed too.

--Adult with ADHD and anxiety

[Anonymous]

He was given those paper tests to score his anxiety and the doctor didn't think his score was abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a phrase I've heard in my reading about ADHD: "ADHD rarely travels alone." It's worth checking back in with his therapist or the psychologist who diagnosed him about anxiety.

Therapy for ADHD needs to include two components:

1) techniques to address executive functioning deficits and improve focus but *also*

2) therapy to address the emotions that come along with being different. Kids with ADHD hear many more negative comments about their behavior than is typical for a child, and that comes with an emotional cost that needs addressed too.

--Adult with ADHD and anxiety

We were doing both for a while but his therapist "released" him and said they didn't have anything to talk about.

??

But the behavior persists on occasion. His spiritedness or "extraness" or whatever you want to call it. It's normal behaviors but way amplified.

[Anonymous]

Have you had a neuro-psych evaluation? Our "spirited" child sounds like yours, almost exactly. Got an evaluation, which suggested (among other things, including ADHD) depression. Finally tried Prozac and it has been a game changer. Happier, so much more flexible, can tolerate disappointment, more positive, etc. Absolutely amazing difference in our "spirited" child. So, maybe anxiety (as PP said) or depression also going on? I would trust your gut!

[Anonymous]

Everything you say fits in with ADHD. If you feel in your gut like there is something else going on, then by all means do another evaluation but nothing jumps out as "there must be something else going on." A lot of kids with ADHD have that intense profile: my oldest does, my younger doesn't. Neither of my kids needed medication until middle school when expectations went up and they started to be affected academically.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety.

[Anonymous]

You might want to check out "highly sensitive child" information. It isn't a medical diagnosis, but some of the strategies might be helpful.

https://hsperson.com/books/the-highly-sensitive-child/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/creative-development/201106/the-highly-sensitive-child

[Anonymous]

Some people just are by character more "extra" and sensitive. It doesn't have to be fitted into a DSM diagnosis. I would focus on making sure your child learns to cope with his extra sensitivity, as well as on anything that is interfering with his ability to function at school, home, or with friends.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my 5 yr old. Like I'm looking ahead 5 yrs in the future. Smart, loving but so so extra. I have a 2 year old who is a total delight to be around. Always does the cutest things and says things worth repeating to family. My older one was so hard. It wasn't fun, at all. Everything has been and still us a huge struggle. Food allergies, anxiety, ADHD attributes, sleep issues, picky eater, difficult to get bathed, teeth brushed, to sleep, etc. when he was an infant I felt like I could only nurse him in a cool dark room, alone. Perfect 72 degrees or forget it. My 2 yr old I held nursing in the ED when my mom had just passed. All the craziness, sadness, motion...he was only 3 weeks old and he adapted perfectly in that situation.

[Anonymous]

"spirited" is often code word for "special"

---teacher

[Anonymous]

Not everything is anxiety or asd, but given you probably labeled him spirited as a child, he acts that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like my 5 yr old. Like I'm looking ahead 5 yrs in the future. Smart, loving but so so extra. I have a 2 year old who is a total delight to be around. Always does the cutest things and says things worth repeating to family. My older one was so hard. It wasn't fun, at all. Everything has been and still us a huge struggle. Food allergies, anxiety, ADHD attributes, sleep issues, picky eater, difficult to get bathed, teeth brushed, to sleep, etc. when he was an infant I felt like I could only nurse him in a cool dark room, alone. Perfect 72 degrees or forget it. My 2 yr old I held nursing in the ED when my mom had just passed. All the craziness, sadness, motion...he was only 3 weeks old and he adapted perfectly in that situation.

This is my 5 year old. If he doesn't get the perfect amount of sleep or food or stimulation on a perfect schedule, our days are miserable. It's exhausting. His behavior and reactions have always been unpredictable. He has a brother who is the complete opposite, and who has been a joy to parent.

[Anonymous]

This is my ADHD/anxiety/gifted kid.

Who did the ADHD diagnosis?