Different single parent question

[Anonymous]

Am wondering how single parents make it work when you have jobs that require travel. My husband’s current position is that if we get divorced he’ll jjst move across the country and probably wouldn’t see the kids much.
My job currently requires out of town travel probably an average of 2-3 days per month plus some days where I have to leave very early for meetings in NY. We have an afternoon nanny that could probably stay late some days but I don’t think she’d be interested in staying over or coming early. My understanding is an an pair wouldn’t really help as they aren’t supposed to provide overnight care (or it counts towards their weekly hours so they can’t do it more than 2 nights in a week). (Plus I kind of just don’t want an Au pair at this point, as I can’t deal with someone else’s drama.). What do people do for this situation? Use something like White House nannies for morning/overnight coverage?

[Anonymous]

I had an au pair work 7am - 5 pm and an overnight sitter work 5 pm to 7 am. If I had an early morning flight, I had the overnight sitter come the night before.

Yes, it was a lot of money. Overnight sitter was paid $150/night. Kids went to bed at 730.

I’ve since moved to be closer to my family.

[Anonymous]

Stay married or give him the kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you and DH divorcing or are you just curious?
I think people lean on family as much as they can, if they are nearby. DH and I rely on my family's help with DD a lot. I don't know how we would handle parenthood without their help. I always think to myself that of we divorced for some reason, I'd have my family for help, if I didn't live nearby I would move to be close to family willing to help.

[Anonymous]

I used to have one or both of my parents fly in.

[Anonymous]

I live in the same building as my best friend. My child goes over there when I'm traveling.

[Anonymous]

If you truly have no local options, you learn to say “no”. You look for a locally-based position. If you are a single parent, personal fulfillment in your job as a primary driver is out the window. And demand every penny you can from the absentee dad.

[Anonymous]

I've had one of my parents accompany me when younger. Now, I drive out of state to drop cold off with my sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay married or give him the kids.

Why would someone give their kids to someone who was willing to move across the country and rarely see them?

I'm a single parent. I don't travel often, but I've certainly watched the children of other single parents when they need to be out of town. I suggest that you look into finding other single parents who can trade childcare with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married or give him the kids.

Why would someone give their kids to someone who was willing to move across the country and rarely see them?

I'm a single parent. I don't travel often, but I've certainly watched the children of other single parents when they need to be out of town. I suggest that you look into finding other single parents who can trade childcare with you.

OP says that but we don't know the full story. He may want the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married or give him the kids.

Why would someone give their kids to someone who was willing to move across the country and rarely see them?

I'm a single parent. I don't travel often, but I've certainly watched the children of other single parents when they need to be out of town. I suggest that you look into finding other single parents who can trade childcare with you.

OP says that but we don't know the full story. He may want the kids.

So, you admit that you don't know the full story, but still think he should have the kids?

Amazing how you feel qualified to give that advice.

[Anonymous]

My parents came in or my sisters helped. About 8 months after separation I found a job that had no travel. If I hadn't found that, I would have worked it out with my job not to travel as much (was traveling about 1x a month -- could have brought down to 2x a year)

[Anonymous]

Thankfully, not an issue I dealth with buy my friend's spouse was overseas for a year, so when she had to travel for work, her daycare provider was amazing and would take her kids overnight or for longer trips, her mother would fly into town.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'll bit and try to explain how I handled things. To give a bit background, my wife passed away suddenly and I had very small kids (1, 3).

First, you make do. Your kids need a responsible, safe adult. It can be you, it can be a caregiver like a nanny, it can be a family member. But this is basically your delta.

Second, your kids need to feel loved and safe. So, the first feeds into the second.

Third, you have to let go. I am what a lot of people view as a crap parent. It's not cute around here. I don't do playdates because I don't have time to navigate the social/parenting/sexist regime. My kids play sports, do aftercare and are busy enough.

Finally, when it comes to traveling, for me -- and just me -- finding someone I could trust helped so much. It's hard, but getting the right person matters.

[Anonymous]

Single mom who has to travel every other month or so for 3 days on average. Ex only has kids EOW. Moving near family was not an option as I’m 2000 miles away and a resident of this anew state where my husband took his family and then left us.

I have a wonderful overnight sitter for $150/night - they’re in school al day.