4 year old has social skill problem in making friends

[Anonymous]

4 year old son has severe speech disorder. His strength is on his academic (letters, color, numbers etc), super self-confident, always happy, has a sense of humor, want to play with others/participate in most activities, not shy, adjust to new environment/strangers well & loves to be independent. However, his weakness is also quite obvious, cannot express or communicate well, have problem making friends at daycare, act silly/ weirdo, always hyperactive, stubborn & does not greet back people most of the time. He loves to play with any kids, but the problem is that based on my observation ( asked & confirm with his teachers)I can tell that his peers do not really want to play with him at all , maybe they think he is a weirdo or does not talk much.

Anything I can do to help him , eg weekend activities, classes, tips? He does not feel upset at all when his peers are talking well or have no friends either it is his cheerful/super confident personality or he does not realize that others do not really want to play with him. I am planning to join cub scout when he is age eligible at 5/6 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 year old son has severe speech disorder. His strength is on his academic (letters, color, numbers etc), super self-confident, always happy, has a sense of humor, want to play with others/participate in most activities, not shy, adjust to new environment/strangers well & loves to be independent. However, his weakness is also quite obvious, cannot express or communicate well, have problem making friends at daycare, act silly/ weirdo, always hyperactive, stubborn & does not greet back people most of the time. He loves to play with any kids, but the problem is that based on my observation ( asked & confirm with his teachers)I can tell that his peers do not really want to play with him at all , maybe they think he is a weirdo or does not talk much.

Anything I can do to help him , eg weekend activities, classes, tips? He does not feel upset at all when his peers are talking well or have no friends either it is his cheerful/super confident personality or he does not realize that others do not really want to play with him. I am planning to join cub scout when he is age eligible at 5/6 year old.

Are you in Montgomery county by any chance?
Get in touch with https://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/special-education/programs-services/child-find.aspx asap

[Anonymous]

Preschool should be on the table for him. MCPS provides free preschool for kids with severe speech disorders. He should also be looking at alternative communication methods.

[Anonymous]

OMG. He's 4. Your talking about "academics" and social skills is very premature.

[Anonymous]

OP here- He is already in full time daycare with preschool curriculum 5 days a week, supplemented with MCPS speech therapies plus private speech therapies out of pocket. I understand that it takes time to get progress in his speech & communication skills, but I want to do something to give him extra help in boosting his social skills.

He seems to have no problem follow instructions & play with other kids under instructor/teacher guidance. However, if it is random free playtime at daycare, he just wanders around from one activity to another activity, watch other kids to play or play toys around them, random hyperactive by himself, but with minimal communication/interaction with others. A lot of time, they let him play next to them, but not really include him to play. Then, he happily self-invites himself to join them, and I see some kids walk away/frowns on his interruption. He is better with older kids because older kids tell him how to play/what to do, and sometimes include him to play with them.

He is so self-confident in himself and I have no ideas where it comes from. And, he does not mind at all when sometimes, no one, want to play with him. He is not shy at all, and he will go to kids in public to hand them a toy to share/ask them to play with him with a huge smiley face, but a lot of time, they walk away & find him a weirdo. I think kids these days are taught to be cautious about strangers, and that thought never comes across him mind (and I never teach him not to talk to stranger (kids or adults). I rarely see him cry at all, overall just a happy boy. Anyways to boost up his social skills for that age?

[Anonymous]

I really recommend PEP or LEAP.

[Anonymous]

OP, my child had other issues but i think you may be reading too much into the behavior of four-year-olds. i think most four-year-olds lack the self-awareness and awareness of others that you seem to be seeing. o double the other kids think your son is a "weirdo" or hold it against him. It is more likely that he doesn't reciprocate at the age-appropriate level or go with the flow the way they expect and the kids move on to other kids who are more predictable to them.

The good part of what I am saying is that if you work with your son, and these skills absolutely can be worked on!, I don't think kids have the memory or ability to hold any past behavior against him. They are prettyh much all thinking in the present.

The bad part is, what you are attributing to self-confidence I really believe is related to a lack of self-awareness. As your son gets older, the rejections will start to affect him negatively and they will start to affect his self-esteem and sense of self. If they do NOT, then that in itself is a sign that there is an issue. (Meaning, kids who are typically developing will start to pick up on the social situations starting relatively soon.) Again, different situation, but my son went from appearing "extremely confident" to developing an anxiety disorder right around this age.

I think you are absolutely right to be concerned and absolutely tight to intervene. I appreciated in your first post that you gave strengths and weaknesses--I think you should ignore the negative poster. We had an extremely positive experience working with a child psychologist. Others might work with a developmental pediatrician. I think what you are looking for is someone to be a bit of a "case manager," to point you in the right direction and put the issues in the appropriate context; to suggest interventions or to suggest further testing.

For a start, though, it helped my son IMMENSELY at that age for me to schedule regular short play dates at our home with preschool friends. I was always close by and would help kids navigate difficult moments and problem solve. This usually meant helping my son learn to be more flexible and deal with things not going his way. Sometimes it might mean giving him a short break to get over his feelings. I made sure play date was short and FUN for our guests--which is not at all hard to do. Preschool kids are super easy to please. I always had games organized, a snack, was willing to read them a story, would take them to back yard, etc. If son's "time out" meant a sibling or even I had to play with friend for ten minutes while mine was recovering, so be it. I considered these play dates as a kind of therapy for my child. To tell you the truth, no kid ever even blinked because at this age, even the most neurotypical kid might have a meltdown or a tantrum -- and mine didn't have those so it was all less bothersome to them. The other families were happy and expressed gratitude that I was willing to pick up from preschool, or take in neighborhood kids after school, and do the lion's share of the hosting. A couple of of these kids became my son's best friends and continue to be so (son is 14 now).

Good luck, OP. Your child sounds wonderful and there is so much you can do to help with social skills.

[Anonymous]

A severe speech disorder is going to have far reaching impact on a young child. He needs to be in a therapeutic school setting.