Reply to 4 year old has social skill problem in making friends

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my child had other issues but i think you may be reading too much into the behavior of four-year-olds. i think most four-year-olds lack the self-awareness and awareness of others that you seem to be seeing. o double the other kids think your son is a "weirdo" or hold it against him. It is more likely that he doesn't reciprocate at the age-appropriate level or go with the flow the way they expect and the kids move on to other kids who are more predictable to them.

The good part of what I am saying is that if you work with your son, and these skills absolutely can be worked on!, I don't think kids have the memory or ability to hold any past behavior against him. They are prettyh much all thinking in the present.

The bad part is, what you are attributing to self-confidence I really believe is related to a lack of self-awareness. As your son gets older, the rejections will start to affect him negatively and they will start to affect his self-esteem and sense of self. If they do NOT, then that in itself is a sign that there is an issue. (Meaning, kids who are typically developing will start to pick up on the social situations starting relatively soon.) Again, different situation, but my son went from appearing "extremely confident" to developing an anxiety disorder right around this age.

I think you are absolutely right to be concerned and absolutely tight to intervene. I appreciated in your first post that you gave strengths and weaknesses--I think you should ignore the negative poster. We had an extremely positive experience working with a child psychologist. Others might work with a developmental pediatrician. I think what you are looking for is someone to be a bit of a "case manager," to point you in the right direction and put the issues in the appropriate context; to suggest interventions or to suggest further testing.

For a start, though, it helped my son IMMENSELY at that age for me to schedule regular short play dates at our home with preschool friends. I was always close by and would help kids navigate difficult moments and problem solve. This usually meant helping my son learn to be more flexible and deal with things not going his way. Sometimes it might mean giving him a short break to get over his feelings. I made sure play date was short and FUN for our guests--which is not at all hard to do. Preschool kids are super easy to please. I always had games organized, a snack, was willing to read them a story, would take them to back yard,  etc. If son's "time out" meant a sibling or even I had to play with friend for ten minutes while mine was recovering, so be it. I considered these play dates as a kind of therapy for my child. To tell you the truth, no kid ever even blinked because at this age, even the most neurotypical kid might have a meltdown or a tantrum -- and mine didn't have those so it was all less bothersome to them. The other families were happy and expressed gratitude that I was willing to pick up from preschool, or take in neighborhood kids after school, and do the lion's share of the hosting. A couple of of these kids became my son's best friends and continue to be so (son is 14 now).

Good luck, OP. Your child sounds wonderful and there is so much you can do to help with social skills.[/quote]

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