Any advice for a single man who wishes to adopt?

[Anonymous]

Title basically says it all.

33 year old man who never met the right woman to settle down with. I'm an elementary school teacher and love watching my students learn and grow but long for my own children.

Does anyone know of any organizations who specialize in single male adoptions? Or any organizations who are amenable to single male adoptions? Or what the best path would be? Ideally, I'd want to adopt two siblings between the ages of 4-7. Can definitely work with mild disabilities (ADHD, other learning challenges, prenatal exposure, etc.)

I can spend up to $15,000 but as a teacher am not made of money.

Any tips or suggestions would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

You'd have to go through the county for older kids and foster-adopt.

[Anonymous]

you're only 33. You got another 10 years before you need to freak out. Single parenting is no joke. I wouldn't go into that lightly, especially since it will absolutely cut off potential life partners for you.

[Anonymous]

Prenatal alcohol exposure is not a mild disability. Please, please, please do your research about FASD before adopting a child with exposure.

[Anonymous]

I think this is very cool of you and I don't mean to be dismissive of your experience at all, but it shocks me that you wouldn't be able to find a woman who wants to have kids with you. As a 33 year old woman (myself married with a kid) I know so many single women our age who want that, and...I can't think of any men. All the men I am friends with are already committed or seem pretty uninterested for now. Seems like the odds should really be in your favor!

[Anonymous]

I adopted as a single man -- although I'm gay -- at 38. I'm also a teacher.

I live in DC & went through the public adoption system (which has laws that enable both gay people and single people to adopt). I got a wonderful baby. He had 'scary' things in his system at birth, but he is now a healthy and normal 11 year old. No issues that are more than what 'normal' people get.

I adopted because I hit a point when I wasn't sure that I'd ever find my 'one' life partner & I knew that I really wanted to be a parent. I do not regret the choice one bit. It is hard sometimes. I don't ever get nights off. I work harder than the other parents on my block. But this is what I wanted, this is what I signed up for, and I appreciate every minute of it. Even the many minutes that have made my hair turn grey. I love my son so much & hope that you have the chance to do the same. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

My $0.02 is to explore foster parenting with the goal of adopting through foster care. Its a way for a child, or siblings, in your preferred age range to be placed with you. We were foster parents to a toddler for two years before adopting her shortly after her third birthday. The Home Study is paid for, and there is a daily stipend as well as money for child development center expenses. (Not enough money in our case, so there were out-of-pocket expenses that weren't reimbursed). But when you do adopt, as a single teacher, you should be able to claim the adoption tax credit to claw that money back. Even after you adopt your child(ren) should have Medicaid as the secondary payer, and, depending on the state, free college. All the best to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted as a single man -- although I'm gay -- at 38. I'm also a teacher.

I live in DC & went through the public adoption system (which has laws that enable both gay people and single people to adopt). I got a wonderful baby. He had 'scary' things in his system at birth, but he is now a healthy and normal 11 year old. No issues that are more than what 'normal' people get.

I adopted because I hit a point when I wasn't sure that I'd ever find my 'one' life partner & I knew that I really wanted to be a parent. I do not regret the choice one bit. It is hard sometimes. I don't ever get nights off. I work harder than the other parents on my block. But this is what I wanted, this is what I signed up for, and I appreciate every minute of it. Even the many minutes that have made my hair turn grey. I love my son so much & hope that you have the chance to do the same. Best of luck.

I'm not a gay man but agree via anecdotal evidence that going through DC would be a good option.

[Anonymous]

Good on you for doing this. I'm a woman and I cannot tolerate children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good on you for doing this. I'm a woman and I cannot tolerate children.

K. Thanks for this

[Anonymous]

Try adoptions together. We are a gay couple but I know of someone who adopted around the same time we did who was a single man.

[Anonymous]

above PP again, forgot to add, they base their fees on income. I think about $5,000 is set for certain parts of he process, but the matching fee which can be the most is income based.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted as a single man -- although I'm gay -- at 38. I'm also a teacher.

I live in DC & went through the public adoption system (which has laws that enable both gay people and single people to adopt). I got a wonderful baby. He had 'scary' things in his system at birth, but he is now a healthy and normal 11 year old. No issues that are more than what 'normal' people get.

I adopted because I hit a point when I wasn't sure that I'd ever find my 'one' life partner & I knew that I really wanted to be a parent. I do not regret the choice one bit. It is hard sometimes. I don't ever get nights off. I work harder than the other parents on my block. But this is what I wanted, this is what I signed up for, and I appreciate every minute of it. Even the many minutes that have made my hair turn grey. I love my son so much & hope that you have the chance to do the same. Best of luck.

Would you mind giving the contact info of someone through the public adoption system? Do you mean foster care? My fiancé and I are in this process too. We’re a gay couple and also unfortunately not made of money. Would LOVE an infant.

[Anonymous]

It's foster care. There's no other public adoption system. And infants are all going to have the goal of reunification with their birth parents or other relatives--if those prove impossible over the course of a year or two, then the foster family may become the adoptive resource.

If you're good with that, the agency in DC is called CFSA, Child and Family Services Administration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted as a single man -- although I'm gay -- at 38. I'm also a teacher.

I live in DC & went through the public adoption system (which has laws that enable both gay people and single people to adopt). I got a wonderful baby. He had 'scary' things in his system at birth, but he is now a healthy and normal 11 year old. No issues that are more than what 'normal' people get.

I adopted because I hit a point when I wasn't sure that I'd ever find my 'one' life partner & I knew that I really wanted to be a parent. I do not regret the choice one bit. It is hard sometimes. I don't ever get nights off. I work harder than the other parents on my block. But this is what I wanted, this is what I signed up for, and I appreciate every minute of it. Even the many minutes that have made my hair turn grey. I love my son so much & hope that you have the chance to do the same. Best of luck.

Would you mind giving the contact info of someone through the public adoption system? Do you mean foster care? My fiancé and I are in this process too. We’re a gay couple and also unfortunately not made of money. Would LOVE an infant.

You have to get licensed by CFSA & they give you the routes of either fostering or adopting. If you say that your goal is to adopt an infant, they will tell you that it's not possible and that there are no infants that will be available. They are trying to place older children. But if you stay in the system, stay involved, and stay patient, infants do become available for fostering -- children who the social workers know will become eligible for adoption (the social workers have seen every horrible situation imaginable, and they can tell which biological parents will never get their acts together and eventually lose parental rights). They don't advertise those babies. But you have to get in the system and have an open mind beforehand. I met several people who (like me) also got infants through CFSA.