How much does your nanny do?

[Anonymous]

Posting here because I know I’m the general discussions forum I’d have my ass handed to me.

Honestly, how much does your nanny do?

I’m very aware that my nanny acts as a third parent. She’s heavily involved and works about 55-60 hours a week and we would not function without her.

She’s educated, intelligent, kind, patient and diligent. We pay her very well and she’s worth every penny.

I see a lot of parents minimize what their nannies do as a way to shield off parent shaming. If I were the nanny, I’d be angry if my employers were lessening my impact to coaxed their own egos.

So I’m honest. DH and I both have highly demanding careers that we love and cherish. Our nanny handles 100% of everything child related so when we are off the clock we only worry about spending quality time with our children. It works. Just as it works when one parent stays home.

Of course, I’m the one who gets the brunt of the blame. My husband works longer hours but I get higher pay. He’s providing and working hard, I’m letting someone else raise my children. Misogyny at its finest.

What duties does your nanny have that you hide from your friends? Family? Coworkers?

My nanny sets up my children’s doctors appointments. She helps my children decide what activities they want to do and signs them up. She makes major decisions for them, and we trust her to do so. She found an orthodontist for our daughter. She picks out the best summer camp. She is the third parent and picks up the slack where DH and I fail and I won’t discredit her by acting as she doesn’t do what she does.

Why do you?

[Anonymous]

Your nanny is their parent and you are just a sometime visitor whenever you can spare a moment from your "oh so wonderful life."

[Anonymous]

Only the good times, not the bad times. Why did you decided to have a kid?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny doesn’t do any of that and while I don’t care that yours does, these are things as a mom that I want to do. My nanny takes care of my kids, helps with their laundry, helps with dishes (running/emptying the dishwasher), keeps the house clean (no deep cleaning just general picking up after the kids).

[Anonymous]

Things directly related to the long-term health of our child we handle. We always select medical providers and take them to the Dr./ortho/etc unless it is a routine braces check or something of that nature. If something serious happened to our child I would want to know that we could communicate fully and effectively with the Dr. and we could only know that if we selected the Dr.


Camps we handle because they like to go with their friends so it takes a tremendous amount of coordinating. Our entire circle has nannies as caregivers so we certainly arrange playdates, etc through the nannies but something like camps, joint family vacations, etc takes a tremendous amount of time so the parents always handle that.

Your situation certainly sounds extreme for the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here.

Let me put another face on this. I don’t want anyone and everyone to know what I do for each family. Each family is different. A different schedule, different ages and numbers of kids, different strengths and weaknesses, different priorities and things they let slip, different baseline when I start. What I do for one family has no bearing on what I do for the next.

Family A: I ran the household, supervising/helping kids cooking and cleaning the house, and doing the rest myself. I homeschooled the kids, researching and devising curricula. I scheduled dentist, doctor and optometrist appointments l, took the kids, scheduled follow ups as needed, and notified the parent of issues. I handled all household funds, purchasing clothes for the parent and kids, all food, furniture, and supplies, and paying rent; any utilities that I could, I set to direct debit from the account. Kids didn’t do camps, and I researched, asked for kids’ input and arranged all activities. When there was a custody battle, I went back and forth with the parent, helped during visitation, helped research for residency arguments, and liased with GAL.

Family B: Most of my work directly with the kids focused on instilling manners and self-control, educating palate, devising coping mechanisms for special needs and helping find the strengths in the special needs while doing homework. Minimal housework (none with kids), full cooking, full laundry. I researched camps and activities, elicited kids’ opinions, and presented top three choices for each child and each time slot. Parents did all medical, including selecting the providers and scheduling; I transported and helped with homework for OT. I phased directly with teachers for kids’ best interest.

Family C: Transportation to medical as needed, parents selected and scheduled. Parents selected and scheduled camps/activities, at times without consulting kids. Minimal household (including laundry), full cooking. Lots of intense work on manners, self-control, coping mechanisms, eating presented food, etc. Homework involved supervision more than help.

As you can see, things that weren’t necessary for one family were for another. I negotiate based on the current family’s needs, not what my last family needed.

[Anonymous]

HA! I know families that pay top dollar and their nannies were either quite lazy, or their family made no demands on them, or a combination of both.

There are tons of families in the area (I know them personally) who pay $10.-$15. for minimum two children, and the nanny is expected to wear a uniform and tow the line.

So, there are extremes in every lot, OP.

[Anonymous]

I was a Nanny for 7 years with one family and did all the things your Nanny does. Found camps, swimming lessons etc, planned playdates, I did everything that involved my time with the kids. I was fine with this. I used my crdit card for everything and then once a month I gave them an itemized bill ( when I got my bill)

[Anonymous]

When I worked, our nanny didn’t do any of that. She would take the kids to the park, heat up the food I made and generally keep them safe. I didn’t want a third parent. That sounds weird to me.

[Anonymous]

How much do you pay your nanny OP? I know a family that paid their nanny 80k, but had a lot of expeditions.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny definitely does not do doctor's appt scheduling/camps/etc. I decide what activities the kids go to and she transports them. Even for doctor's/dentist appointments, I usually try to take time off unless it's a last minute urgent care type of situation in which our nanny takes our kids and I meet her there. She does however do dinner 2-3 days a week and light housekeeping and folding of laundry, unloading of dishwasher etc. And she goes through out kids clothes regularly and bags them up when the kids have outgrown them and reminds me to buy new appropriately sized ones.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM mom that did part time free lance work. Can I hire a college nanny who will help my kid with the process? Mostly kidding, but not!

[Anonymous]

Nanny here

Kids laundry
Sometimes moms laundry
Walks dogs
Cleans up back yard
Cleans up toys
Organizes clothes and resales higher end ones
Grocery shop short list or picks up ordered items
Vacuums cleans floors wipes down bathrooms
Sets up and takes kids to some appointments
Does errands
Therapy trips
Cleans up mystery messes
And more.

Been with a family a long time. They said my job is ending soon. My question is who is going to do all these extras. On top of playing with the kids, loving on them. Sick days. Holidays and other events. I often spend the night due to the parents traveling.

Oh well. I’m sure I missed about -00 things I do but I think you get the point.

[Anonymous]

People need to learn what a nanny is. Seems like they feel better about calling the cleaning lady/sitter their "nanny". And then they get bent out of shape when the nanny doesn't want to touch the parents' dirty underwear or sinkload of weekend dishes.